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Living Long Distance From Family
I haven't lived in the same city as my parents for the last 11 years. They're back in the midwest and I recently moved to Seattle. My DH is from here and it's a great place jobwise, friendwise, and activitywise for both of us. When I told my parents we weren't moving back, my mom in particular was heartbroken, even though it shouldn't have been a big surprise. It's difficult for them (and me) since I'm an only child. My mom has gotten past yelling and crying over time, but I know it still makes her sad.
We bought a house and want to start TTC in the next few months. So now, more than ever, being far from my family is top of mind. Especially since my parents just bought a vacation/retirement home in Georgia. Even further away.
For those of you that live long distance from your family... what do you do to make it work? How do you stay in touch with limited vacation time/money for visits? How do you keep from feeling guilty? Any advice?
Re: Living Long Distance From Family
I am originally from Pittsburgh, PA and I currently live in the UK, so I am 3,000 miles away from all of my family and friends.
The easiest way I have found to stay in touch is to keep a blog with updates on everything (especially now with having my ds and another on the way) and also woth Skype. Skype is AWESOME!
We make it back to the States at least once a year. We switch off Christmas, so last year was XMas with dh's mom (who lives here in the UK) and this year we are going to the US. I would love to go home for more holidays but it's just not do-able.
As for feeling guilty, you're an adult, don't let your mom guilt you for moving away to make yours and your husbands life better for you. Luckily, I never got the guilt trips, but I did get a lot of 'so, when do you think you're moving back?'. That annoyed me b/c dh and I always told them a definite time on when we'd be back and one day I just kind of snapped at everyone who asked me that question. Now, they back off and don't ask. They know we'll be back soon enough.
We live in Germany - talk about distance.
We Skype every other day. And while we may not be able to get back for holidays, we get one vacation with them every year. It may have to be someplace fun that we INCLUDE them in, like a week at the beach or an amusement park, but they get to come too.
And once she is old enough, I will let her visit without me.
Other than that, I ignore the guilts. I am not my mother's emotional keeper.
I, like PPs, live in Europe. I'm orginally from Seattle and now live in Spain. There is no way for me to visit my parents more than once a year (if that) and yes, it can be tough sometimes, but you have to remember you're doing what's best for you and not let your mom guilt you for any of your decisions. Own them!
I'm lucky that my parents have never guilted me for moving so far away or even asked when we're moving back (they know it's a slim chance). I think it helped my parents that I'm the baby of four children and they were all pretty scattered over the US before it came time for me to leave the nest.
As for making it work, I have a standing skype date with my parents every Sunday night (their morning). Sometimes we can't make it and sometimes we connect on skype during the week too. Other than skype I email when I really want to talk to someone or just have small news to share. Facebook has also been wonderful because it keeps me updated with my extended (and immediate) family in Florida, South Carolina, Alabama, and Viriginia, and Washington. It's nice seeing pictures, videos, just seeing what they are doing day-to-day and all that.
In your situation I think being able to call anytime and be within a couple timezones of each other will really help. You can talk everyday, skype everyday and really keep in as much, or as little, contact as you want. It's not an impossible feat and you should really take advantage of the proximity you DO have though it still might seem so far away to you.
Wow, this response blew up really fast! Sorry if I just blabbered on and on, but believe me, I can relate! HTH!
I live 5 hours from my mom and only see her 3 or 4 times a year. (And my brother lives 10 hours in the other direction) I make it a point to call her at least once a week, always on Sundays but maybe during the week also if I have something to ask about / update. You definitely don't have the intimacy you attain living closer, but that doesn't mean you have a bad relationship.
I do feel bad sometimes because I tend to be a little stingy about spending extra vacation days visiting her. I send her pictures when I have something interesting to show. It not an ideal situation, but that's how life works out sometimes. Besides, if your mom was that desperately heartbroken, they could have looked for retirement homes in Cali or even WA instead of moving further away.
H and I are both from central Ohio. We live in east central Georgia. Not being close to family and friends is one thing, but we have gotten used to if over the past few years, even though it is still hard.
That being said, after I moved out on my own, I lived 20 min from my parents and only saw them a few times a year. My Mom and I had a strained relationship even though it has recently improved and continues *hopefully* to do so. I am actually closer to H's family. They do all kinds of fun things for the holidays and gatherings in the summer, etc.
Neither one of us like it here, so we are actually moving back this spring or summer. Thank God our prayers have been answered and he is getting a transfer with the same company he works for now.