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Assaulted by H's exwife - long,sorry
Sorry for this being so long...
My H and his ex have been divorced for close to 6 years. I have been active in my stepkids lives for 5 ytears. The past 5 years EX has raised hell towards us and the kids. She was thrown in jail for 10 days for withholding them from us for 7 months. The new order is jail for anyone found in contempt.
Fastforward to Saturday night. SD has an invite only band recital, which is a huge honor for her. It is our weekend and we dropped her off early in the morning and returned later with about 10 of my family members. The concert ends and we are all waiting by the band doors with flowers for her. EX storms through the crowd of about 100 parents and blocks the doorway until she finds SD and grabs her to rifle through her clothes bag (it's criminal in her eyes to share clothes). The teacher at the door looked annoyed and asked her to move, but she didn't. I stepped up and grabbed the items that were dropped and said to move this outside a bit. I stepped back and waited for them to move, but EX turned to leave and PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE. I grabbed her coat to look for security, but let her leave as to not cause a bigger scene and humiliate SD even more.
SD was hysterical crying and asking why her mom would ruin her special night. All she wanted was to hug us and have her flowers because no one had ever given her any before. We filed a police report, but the damage is already done. We had a witness statement put on file.
My H returned the kids to her house last night and they were too embarassed to talk with me and scared to go in and face their mother.
We just heard from H's custody lawyer and he filed contempt (for her interfering with our custodial weekend) and for a change of custody. The lawyer isn't sure what the judge will do (we have the same judge all times because he is familiar with the background). He thinks either he will lock her up again or just immediately remove the kids. I am hoping for both in all honesty.
I don't know where to go from here with my own feelings however. I have had anxiety since the episode and even SS said "what is next? she has moved on to hitting people, what will she try next?"
I feel horrible for the kids living with her hellish acts and now I'm also tired of getting worked up about every event and pickup/dropoff. She is so unstable and it isn't fair for these kids to live this way.
Any advice for my nerves or how to proceed would be great, but also, I needed to vent to someone that won't say "I would have killed her if she hit me."
Re: Assaulted by H's exwife - long,sorry
Lawyer said not to press charges unless she tries to say we instigated it and hit her and files against me. He said nothing substantial will come of it, but just the initial police report is enough for Family Court.
I'm not totally sure if I agree with him yet.
Personally, I would press criminal charges for assault and I would talk with the custody attorney about getting a restraining order against her. That way, she wouldn't be able to interfere with your custodial rights time anymore because just showing up would theoretically be a violation of the restraining order.
You need to ask him some follow up questions. Nothing substantial will come of it?? What does he mean. I'm assuming he means in the custody case. For example, he doesn't think you'll enhance your chances with the family court judge by having formal charges pressed against her.
But something substantial would come of it because assault is a criminal charge. She'd be charged on the criminal docket of the court of common pleas. She'd face jail time or some other criminal penalty, which would be completely separate from the family court side of things. I think individuals who walk around punching others should absolutely be prosecuted.
Plus, I'm just a vengeful type of person, so it would be primarily for the personal satisfaction of it.
My H was holding our 1 year old son and with my stepson right behind me. I don't have to justify why I stepped in or said something, but a scene was unfolding and we weren't just going to let it keep going. She never escalated to physical violence before and if it were just words or a "bump" I would have left it at that, but we think she showed up with clear intentions of making a scene.
I agree with you on the personal vengence and that I what I would like to do, and may still do. Even though it is their mother, I feel the kids need to be shown you get punished for your actions and you cannot just go around and punch anyone you want.
I absolutely would press charges if for no other reason to have official record of what happened. Years ago a neighbor stole CC's in my name and basically stole my identity. We immediately called the police and filed a report. I truly didn't expect anything to come of it - but it was a savings grace when a credit card company (6 months later) required the report #. AND in the end, the woman was arrested and jailed for this and numerous other things.
Press charges. You just don't know what will happen down the road.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I'm a little confused. If a stranger had punched you in the face, wouldn't the police file charges? I didn't know you have a choice whether or not to file charges for assault.
I agree with ECB. File charges. You'll have a while to drop them anyway, and they might be required as "proof" that something really occurred. You don't want the family court hearing to come and have bio-mom deny that she punched you, meanwhile it has been months since the incident and biomom's lawyers start saying the witness isn't credible b/c how can they remember something from six months ago?
Was the mother on drugs? Does that explain her aggression (not as an excuse, just wondering).
Pressing criminal charges means the case will be forwarded to the prosecutor's office for handling. In general, the victim needs to be a willing participant in the prosecution. It's really hard to prosecute a case when the victim doesn't testify or show up in court or won't give a statement, etc. Obviously, certain crimes are serious enough that the victim doesn't need to formally press charges or cooperate (e.g. murder), but a prosecutor is not going to bother on an assault case if the victim opts not to press charges.
The criminal penalties depend on the state foremost. Every state has different criminal laws. The degree of the crime (in my state at least) depends on the severity of the injuries. For example, in my state, if she broke your nose, she could be prosecuted for felonious assault. As the name implies, that is a felony. However, if she just gave you a temporary shiner or fat lip, that would be misdemeanor assault. Felonious assault is punishable by something like 12-18 months in prison?? Whereas simple assault is something like 90 days.
But, no matter what, she would be arrested, she would be hauled into court to stand trial for the charges, which in itself would be a pretty awesome punishment for her actions, even if she just gets a slap on the wrist. Plus, if she did it again, or escalated to something even more serious (say, a baseball bat to the face next time), her previous criminal record would serve as important information to the judge for sentencing.
And I'll repeat. I think you should get a restraining order.
What does your Husband think?
He is getting different opinions from different sources also and doesn't know the best way to proceed either. He said for now we will talk with the police, since they have some background with her, and see what the recommendation is. There are kinks that would need to be worked out with a restraining order like, pick up and drop off? Does she park down the road? Do I have to leave my house? Some things may be trivial, but in the end what I would really want to happen is the change of custody. She is a mess and their lives are chaos because of the eradic behavior she has.
also, thanks for all this info. I gave me a few angles to look at things. I appreciate it.
I'm really sorry that she hit you. Thats terrible.
Kudos to you for not punching her back!
Cheat or not you cant punch people in the face.
You sound like you have unresolved issues.
What are you trying to sell here? No cheating, no unresolved issues, she just doesn't want them to have a life with their father. They have been separated for 8 years, divorced for 5. Thanks for the reminder that she found him 1st, I don't care. I am trying to be a positive role model in my step daughters life because the one she has sucks at it. As for God seeing everything, I hope he paid special attention to her fist hitting my face.
Do you have cheating issues that you haven't dealt with? From everything I typed, you took away that he may have cheated and will cheat on me in the long run??
dupe
Now that I read your other posts, I see you are a real gem.
Hello,
Wasn't sure of what was going on..You know nothing about me.I was curious what the case was since we are on the web.You seem to have some anger issues yourself and attack people left and right.Just because this happened to you.Don't be angry about people off the street you don't know.Thanks for telling me i am a Gem.I have had 2 near death experience's and i pray on the phone with people all hours trying to save life's! I do Christian Praying.Some people who reach me are trying to take their life like o.d or in a car with fumes.Just for your imput.May God be with you and help you with your own vent towards strangers you know nothing about.May God be with you.Never throw a stone at a glass house until you look at your own.The only reason i replyed was to just talk to you about what happened.I don't agree with abuse.Just was trying to figure out the other side to the story... Since i know several people who try to get even and have done so that i have helped with prayers and being a life coach to them..They were cheated on and can't stand the home wrecker.Some figure out that the man made a vow to them and they should not get angry with the othe woman.Some are sorry that even the man cheated they took it out on the other woman who was lied to about them to begin with by the man.They have turned their life around a total of 55 people,Thats why.Trying to figure out why you were punched?Thanks for the Title" I am a Gem".In Gods Eye's.Helping others,saving life's and helping others turn their life around.I plan in 7 years to become a Nun.May God Bless you and protect you.Don't hold a grudge.God will hold it on you on judgement day when ever he will judge you.I would pray and take this pain to the Lord.He can see everything.
God Bless,K
K
Before or after they have to listen to this kind of rambling? Because if it's the latter, I totally understand where they're coming from.
I do see the response.I help them befor the do this or at the time of.Keep mocking me though.God see's everything.You are uneducated with the word of God.You sure must not be a Catholic.So many of you people in the world today.That is why so much sin.
God Bless,
K
Automatically jumping to the assumption that he cheated with her while married (and BS on the just trying to see the other side, you assumed there had to be something "sinful" behind it) is judgemental and hateful as well, not very Christian-like in my opinion
Thanks so much.I am a Catholic life coach.I have helped many.Just was trying to figure what was going on.Since i know several people who are going thru this.So keep talking .I see that this is a good reminder why so many souls go to hell.I have sigmata like Padre Pio and you have no clue.Many Priest phone me all over the Usa ref people who need help.For you to even think about a subject about me helping people to talk them out of trying to take their own life Just keep MOCKING.MAYBE ONE DAY YOU WILL READ ABOUT ME.Maybe a Saint. YOU DON'T KNOW ME SO YOU HAVE NO CLUE. I SEE so many have demon's. ALL OF YOU.kEEP TELLING ME ABOUT NOTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT.WHy don't you foolish people look up:PADRE PIO.READ ABOUT HIM.THAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT STIGMATA AND SUCH.I WILL HOLD NO GRUDE TOWARDS YOU ALL. I HAVE TO FORGIVE: WHO SAY WICKNESS FROM THE MOUTHS OF THOSE.YOU ALL HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT LIFE AND HELPING ANOTHER.EXCEPT YOU THINK:I CAN DO WHAT EVER I LIKE.WHEN WE PASS THE OTHERSIDE IS OUT THEIR.THE LAKE OF FIRE.SO MANY SOULS.YOU HAVE NO CLUE.Maybe you all may worship someone else?GOD BE WITH ALL OF YOU,
AMEN...
Did Padre Pio jump to conclusions, judge people inaccurately, stand on a pious box and spout nonsense then pray for people before telling them he's so much better than them, too? If so, keep on truckin sister! You're almost there!
To OP, I hope this is resolved soon and you are ok. You are a much bigger person than I am to walk away from a punch in the face, no matter what the circumstances.