Northern California Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Why I Shouldn't Lurk (flameworthy?)
So sometimes I lurk on national boards to read train-wreck stories.
Today, I read one and had one thought the whole time: If you have to prepare an "exit strategy" in case your H decides to once again beat the daylights out of you or go on a rampage around your infant child ... you should not be married to that person anymore.
I don't want to be insensitive to abusive situations, and I am profoundly grateful that I've never been in that position.
It just makes me sad that packing a bag and handing it off to a friend in case you need to leave suddenly is someone's version of a normal, happy life.
Re: Why I Shouldn't Lurk (flameworthy?)
I agree. Though you never know the circumstances. Maybe she's not financially able to separate herself yet, and the bag at the friend's house is sort of a last resort, absolutely emergency type solution.
There are all kinds of factors involved in abuse situations, and in someone's decision to leave. I hope that woman gets out of this situation asap, before something terrible and irreversible happens to her or her child.
The whole thing is just sad to me. The fact that it is so difficult for women to leave life-threatening (or at least damaging) situations makes me heartsick.
it is sad. and i guess as someone from the outside looking in, it could be easy for us to wonder WTH is wrong with these woman that they just don't leave? i mean i've wondered that myself. but then i also think there when they are ready they will leave, hopefully unhurt.
i read this story about domestic abuse the other day and it had me in tears.
*a warning - it is VERY graphic. but the woman was SO brave for telling her story. i just wanted to give her a great big hug!
http://www.bandbacktogether.com/the-day-i-left-domestic-violence-abuse
Ugh, that is awful A. Made me sick to my stomach. What a horrible monster that man is.
Oh boy. I know way too many people that have been the victims of domestic violence to get into it here, but that is very sad.
My first thought was- how is it safe for her to put her "back up" plans on-line? Most abusers are pretty controlling and I would be worried about them finding out about my plans by going on-line.
As someone who's been there (luckily it was a boyfriend and there were no children) getting out was HARD.
I'm not flaming you, and I'm not saying that you're wrong - because the whole time there's this voice in the back of your head saying "this is INSANE. this is UNHEALTHY - LEAVE FOR *** SAKE" and at the same time you think "all I have to do is say the right thing or do the right thing and voila! I'll have my friend and lover back..."
It is so complicated. Posting her exit strategy online is risky, but if this is the only place she feels like she can get support then it is the best thing for her to do.
What I want to know is: where the is this friend who will let her stash a bag but won't get in between the child and the violence? If not for my friends... and if one of my friends said "hey, I need to keep this bag at your place and maybe sleep over unexpectedly..." That would be the beginning of the end of her living arrangements.
PS - this post helped me stop being annoyed at my husband for saying to me earlier (after I accused him of ignoring our son): "Do you know how hard it is to cook and watch him?" Like I don't do that very thing every.single.day. Oy. I'm going to go smooch him now. :-D
Is that an anti-flame? The universe works so awesomysteriously ;-) (I just made that word up.)
this!