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Family that gossips
My mother & grandma are very close. They talk about everything. Lately they have been talking about me behind my back a lot. It keeps causing problems/fighting between all three of us. I feel like 2 of my best friends are gossiping about me, it's very hurtful.
The final straw came this morning when my mother got off the phone with my gma this morning, comes storming in the house, yelling at me for something my gma heard from someone I work with. It wasn't anything that has to do with either of them, or something that would effect them in any way.
In effort to put an end to this I talked to my mother about it & my gma. I told them it was hurtful, that it is none of their business, that it is ruining out relationship, & that I would appreciated it if they both quite talking about me unless I'm there.
My mom got angry, though later cooled down. My gma said " Well, it's none of your business what your mom and I discuss either. It wasn't my fault that she jumped all over you. I spoke to your mother in confidence, so I feel betrayed as well."
What would you do in this situation? I can't stand it & even if I don't tell either of them anything they always find things to talk about. I want to have a relationship with both of them but this is such a setback. I am feeling discouraged & let down. They don't see the wrong in it. Am I being unreasonable?
Do they have the right to discuss my life & gossip about me just because I am their daughter, granddaughter??
Landon & Porter
1-10-07 & 5-11-11
Re: Family that gossips
You certainly can't stop them from talking about you, but you don't have to continue to put up with their behavior, either.
The next time they do something like this, tell them that their behavior is unacceptable and they won't be allowed into your life if they are going to treat you poorly.
Don't back down from this stance.
My family is like this. They only appear close because they share other people's information and not their own.
I know this and know I can't trust them with MY information so I do not tell my family much personal information about myself. If you do not give them much information, they do not have much to talk about you.
I still think it'll occur, but really - I agree with zest here. You need to say, Mom when I tell you something, it is in confidential and I expect you to keep it that way. I do not trust with you my information therefore I will not tell you things about me until you can display that you are trustworthy.
I constantly have this argument with my mother because she feels everyone's information should be shared and is not private. So again, I do not share much at all with them, especially her.
Anyone can talk about you behind your back to anyone. It their right, for many reasons like the first amendment, you have to accept the fact that if they want to, they can talk gossip with each other. But you don't have hear about it. You have already have started the conversation. You have told them you don't want to hear about what they are gossiping about you or anyone you know.
I agree with Zest, hold your stance, that you do not want to hear about it, and that you refuse to accept this kind of behavior.
What I would do is tell my Gma that even though it is mom's fault for jumping on me, she played her part in it. I would send my sympathy that she feels betrayed but it is a lesson to watch what she says to my mom, because she might just spread it around to people without her consent. Then I would carefully gauge what I can tell my mom. If she gossips to the point that I can't tell her anything, then I wouldn't tell her anything. Same would go for my Gma. But that is me with my family.
Check us out
I think it is time to distance yourself from both of them. Let them go on talking and talking and talking (you can't stop them), but stop talking TO them. The less information you provide them, the less they have to talk about in regards to you.
Also - do you live with your mom? What do you mean she "Came storming in the house,"? If you don't live with her, and she came storming into your house, I'd be locking the door - or changing the locks if she currently has a key. If you do live with her, I'd start building an exit plan.
This for sure.