Sex & Romance
DaringMiss
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Discuss: Masturbating when other partner wants it more often
The post below brought this thought to my head...
Let's say one partner has been asking for sex more often than the other. The partner who has been declining sex is actually masturbating because it is "less hassle" than having sex with the partner.
Does the refused partner have the right to be mad that their needs aren't being met? Does the refused partner have the right to insist that the masturbating be restricted until everyone's needs are being met?
Re: Discuss: Masturbating when other partner wants it more often
I may not be in the mood all the times my partner is. I might need a quick fix when it is not convenient to "do the whole deed". Maybe I just want a quick "get off" without being groped on or having to get cleaned up afterwards.Maybe ai am just in the mood to get off without having to worry about what the other person wants me to do for them......
If it is outright taking the place of ALL or MOST sex...maybe they have a right to be mad. But just because one is in the mood for a quick stress release, it doesn't mean they are in the mood for sex.
Maybe the partner who wants it more often is just trying to "meet their own needs' and isn't putting any thought into whether the other partner is even enjoying it or getting anything out of it. If they aren't...sure they are going to rather masturbate!
But REALLY....who has a right to tell you you can't do that? It's one's OWN body!
I think that the unsatisfied partner always has a reason to be upset.
I do, however, think that there's a larger issue here. IMO there shouldn't be a conflict between masturbation and sex, because sex is about not just release but also intimacy and connection, and if masturbation sounds like a reasonable substitution for sex, then you're not connecting adequately when you DO have sex. You're basically using your partner's body as a blow-up doll, little more. And that is a problem that simply masturbating less won't solve.
adults have sex for three reasons,to procreate, pleasure and a stable environment for offspring to be raised.
Now sex sex tends to be complicated due to its between two different persons thinking and wantings. One thing stands out and that is how satisfied you are after sex . Now its not just the woman but the man too.
The woman wants to reach the big o. the man want to get u there and feel u r helping by making love to him too so that you reach peak and go over the top making you happy and him too at the same time
Now if this doesn't happen for some reason,like mood,saying no,sex is blah,not enough fore play,routine,sameness,premature ejection you can't be left high and dry and frustrated you to find closure[masturbation or mind control].
Now I see this as cheating on your partner because you are there to take care of each others needs completely not partially. I don't like masturbating its got something missing and that is the sharing of closeness of sex. when u have to masturbate u resent that your partner for not thinking and caring for u.
Remember when u have sex you have sex to each other not like sex to a woman only. the woman has to have sex with the man too.
sideobserver: Masturbation is a natural thing. It is a problem if it gets in the way of sex....but many people do it and there is nothing wrong with it.
Just because one wants to masturbate (it's also a stress release), it doesn't mean they should just go have sex instead. I don't see how it is cheating.
If you'd rather do it INSTEAD because your partner is not fulfilling your needs, then it needs to be talked about. but i wouldn't go as far as to say NO ONE who is married/coupled should do it.
I happen to have a very wonderful sex life. Sometimes, I do it in a pinch.....it doesn't mean his nor my needs are being fulfilled only partially.
It can also be a way to discover what you like, what you don't, and what works....so that you can communicate this with a partner and have a fulfilling sex life.
I'm pretty sure How I Met Your Mother came up with a list of 50 reasons to have sex. I like how 2 of your 3 reasons have to do with children.
To the O.P, If masturbation is replacing sex,yes I would get upset.