July 2010 Weddings
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Hard night...

I'm not really sure why...well i know why...but I had a horrible night last night :(

I went of facebook and posted a comment on one of my friends pictures. Then i mistakenly clicked the picture and it went to another picture on her wall..and it was of me and my dad kayaking down the river near wear i used to live. He loved that place so much and it just broke my heart.

I couldn't stop crying. I just miss him so much because of the most random things and all i want to be able to do is hug him. My heart is just missing a huge chunk and its never going to be whole again, it feels. I couldn't fall asleep for like 3 hours past when i was supposed to go to sleep because i kept crying or when i almost fell asleep i would think of something else about him. I slept really bad the whole night (of what little sleep i was able to get) and then i got a page at 2 and couldnt sleep after that really. I just laid there.

So on top of being sad and exhausted, i just feel generally crappy b/c of it all.

I'm not asking for any suggestions for you girls - i know its something i just have to get through and sometimes im going to have bad days. It just sucks when i have a bad day and i need to get it out to someone when im not in therapy :P

P.s. have a rice krispie treat - i think im going to make some today finally


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I am a gluten-free, gun-toting wife! :P

I love you, Daddy...2/24/1953 to 2/13/2011image

Re: Hard night...

  • Hang in there, Kim, this is such a hard thing to go through and there is no right or wrong way, and those times will come up when you just feel terrible and you might not even be able to pinpoint what started it. I have been feeling down lately about my mom and my grandparents, so I can totally feel where you're coming from when one picture sends you over the edge. But, sometimes I feel better after crying and missing them, I feel like that helps me remember them more than if I wasn't spending the time thinking about them, if that makes any sense. *hugs*
  • I know I am prepared for the big things, but it's the little things that I don't even think of (like painting??).  I knew it would be all sorts of weird at Christmas...  and knew my mom wanted to take a drive to look at lights (like my parents and I always did, even as an adult).  I was OK with/prepared for that.  That night we drove past a restaurant my dad and I went to many many times when I was a kid (just the two of us)... and I lost it!  Or little things like I was chatting with my 14 year old niece on facebook last week, and she told me she got placed in all honors classes for her freshman year next year... and I typed (but luckily didn't hit enter) "did you call grandpa yet??"   He would have been so proud (and I would have heard about this multiple times from him :) ).

  • RonCourtRonCourt member
    100 Comments
    edited July 2014
  • So sorry, Kim.  Nights like that are so awful :(  *Hugs*  I hope your day is better today and you feel better soon.
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  • Many many hugs to you Kim. Left Hug I'm so sorry that you had such a rough night. I can't even imagine what you're going through - just know that we're here for you to vent to anytime you need to.

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  • I'm sorry you had such a rough night, Kim!  Hope you're feeling a little better this afternoon/evening!
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  • I can't imagine either.  Hang in there!  {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}
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  • Kim, I am so sorry you are having such a hard time.  I have been there and it sucks.  Luckily, I was off work for summer break a month after my dad died. It was so hard to sleep...I often would watch TV or be on the computer until very late to ....once or twice the sun was almost coming up...I remember telling my friends about that and they couldn't believe it. By that late at night, I was so tired I could sleep but I was lucky and was off so I could sleep in.  Songs on the radio set me off for awhile...it is the little things you are not prepared for.  It does get better with time...I do promise you that!  Hugs and vibes!!
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