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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Question of respect? Upbringing? Location? Poll
How did you address adults as a child?
Mr/Mrs/Ms last name? Mr./Miss/Mrs first name? First name basis? Other
Do you think this was because of where you grew up?
How will you make your children (or if you are not having children how would you make your imaginary children) address other adults?
Do you think this has more to do with how you grew up or living in CA?
How do you have children address you?
Why?
Re: Question of respect? Upbringing? Location? Poll
How did you address adults as a child? I'm assuming you mean adults who are not family. I generally used Mr/Mrs/Ms last name unless they asked to be called by their first name.
Mr/Mrs/Ms last name? Mr./Miss/Mrs first name? First name basis? Other? See above
Do you think this was because of where you grew up? Maybe, but I think this is pretty standard in America with some cultural exceptions (in the South they say Miss First Name a lot, Asian children often call all adults aunt/uncle, etc)
How will you make your children (or if you are not having children how would you make your imaginary children) address other adults? The way I did. I may do like DH's family and have them call close family friends aunt/uncle. That was not done in my family but I like it.
Do you think this has more to do with how you grew up or living in CA? No. I think you may be referring to it being acceptable to call adults by their first names in CA. I think that has more to do with generation, less about being in CA though maybe partly. People of the "hippie generation" are often okay with children (more so teens) calling them by their first names. My parents were part of that generation but they were not comfortable with that. I suppose this could come from the fact that my mom was often more formal than other adults and she's from CT. I'm not comfortable with it either. I have only done that when adults insisted on it.
How do you have children address you? Well, my close friends' children call me by my first name. This is partly because they're very young and saying some last names are too hard and also because we're close. When they get older they may or may not continue to do that based on cues from their parents. As a high school teacher my students call me Mrs/Ms Last Name. This year I'm a high school tutor and they call me by my first name because the other tutors are younger (though not much) and it would be weird for one tutor to go more formally.
Why? see above
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How did you address adults as a child?
Either Mrs. Last name, their first names (if they told me I could), or not at all (just waited until they looked at me to talk?)...I don't completely recall, but I know for teachers and stuff it was Mrs/Mr Last Name
Mr/Mrs/Ms last name? Mr./Miss/Mrs first name? First name basis? Other
Do you think this was because of where you grew up?
Well, I know in the South Mrs/Mr First Name is expected/normal - but I HATED being called Ms. Stefanie in Alabama. Hated it. Maybe it has something to do with "the South" in general, but I'm not a fan.
How will you make your children (or if you are not having children how would you make your imaginary children) address other adults?
Mrs. Last name unless/until they say first name is okay - then first name. If the adult demanded the Mr/Mrs First Name, I would probably not want my kid around them much. That kind of "demanding" is silly, I think. But on the rare occassions my kid would need to address the demander, I would oblige them and tell my kid to oblige them.
In Alabama though, I would say, "Oh no, no...you can just call me Stefanie" and parents would flip. "No...you call her Ms. Stefanie"...Again, not a fan.
Do you think this has more to do with how you grew up or living in CA?
I think it's just a "where" factor. It's more normal here to do the Mrs/Mr Last name thing, right?
How do you have children address you?
First name is fine...I could see how it can be more comfortable for kids (like when my kid has friends over) to call me Mrs Last Name (again, maybe this is a teacher thing? Like - kids are used to calling their "old lady" (haha) teachers Mrs. Last name, so they'll be more comfortable with that with friends moms too (who are also "old ladies"
?). If they want to call me Mrs Last Name rather than by my first name, that's okay with me.
Why? I honestly don't think what you call an adult (short of "hey you!") correlates to how little or much you respect them. Pleases and Thank you's, looking you in the eye, behaving oneself - those are things that demonstrate respect in my mind. I just want kiddos to feel comfortable with me. I think that's the first step to respect...so if they're comfortable calling me First name, Mrs. Last Name, (or the dreaded, but I'd deal with it) Mrs. First name - so be it. So long as they ACT respectful in other ways, I don't care what I'm called.
How did you address adults as a child?
I addressed adults as Mr. or Mrs./Ms. So-and-So.
Do you think this was because of where you grew up?
No, it was how my mom told me to address adults and I'm pretty sure that was the way she was raised. I don't think it had anything to do with being in San Jose b/c my grandma is from the midwest.
How will you make your children (or if you are not having children how would you make your imaginary children) address other adults?
No kids yet, but I will have them say Mr. or Mrs. Whoever unless the adult asks my kids to call them by a different name.
Do you think this has more to do with how you grew up or living in CA?
How I grew up.
How do you have children address you?
The only kid who addresses me is my niece who just calls me by my first name. She was born before I married her uncle so he gets to be Uncle FirstName and I'm just "FirstName."
I don't know what I'll do for any other kids...probably just my first name.
Why?
How did you address adults as a child?
mrs./mr./miss, ms/dr. usually followed by their last name but in the case of h/w surgeons who i babysat for and were family friends it was dr. firstname
Do you think this was because of where you grew up?
absolutely .. being a pk, formal manners are stressed b/c everything we did was a direct reflection on our parents
How will you make your children (or if you are not having children how would you make your imaginary children) address other adults?
mr. firstname, miss firstname
Do you think this has more to do with how you grew up or living in CA?
it's a side of effect of no longer living in a fishbowl and i get to relax the rules a little bit - the above combo combines the formal addresses i grew up with BUT it also is a lil bit more causal w/ the firstname reference
How do you have children address you?
i'm either T, miss T or auntie T depending on who's addressing me and how old they are
Why?
i like seeing good manners put to use but i also realize that this world has gotten a LOT more casual since i was a kid in the 80's.
Your dislike for the Miss/Mr. First Name is interesting to me. I see it as a compromise between being formal and casual. But I also think that whoever is being addressed should get the final say in what the child says.
We had a family on our street from Georgia and all the kids used Miss/Mr. I'm sure many of the adults (who I just called by their first names) said those kids could call them by their first names, but I guess their parents must have not allowed it.
It seems so tricky. I suppose that's why people just use the Mr. and Mrs. Surname, but I rarely did that growing up so it would feel strange for me to ask my kids to do that.
How did you address adults as a child? Mr./Mrs/miss whom ever. Unless they were family (obviously) (there were a few exceptions)
Do you think this was because of where you grew up? I don't think it was because of where I grew up (oakland and then roseville). I think that was just how my parents raised me to be. It was a very yes sir no maam household.
How will you make your children (or if you are not having children how would you make your imaginary children) address other adults? The same. I think it is a sign of respect and an important one at that.
Do you think this has more to do with how you grew up or living in CA? Probably how I grew up.
How do you have children address you? No children yet
I suppose it's unfair for me to harshly enough judge someone who demanded to be called Mr/Mrs First Name by my kids by saying we wouldn't spend much time around them. I think it would just baffle me, and I would make all kinds of assumptions about the person based on my experiences...but maybe not. I still think I'd cringe, but I'd rather oblige someone out of "respect" than argue it, I guess.
How did you address adults as a child? Either by first name or "mom," "grandma," etc. (except in my birth language).
Do you think this was because of where you grew up? Yeah, that was the norm where I grew up.
How will you make your children (or if you are not having children how would you make your imaginary children) address other adults? I think it really depends on the situation. As a default, I'd probably teach my child to call teachers or older adults we don't know well as "Mr./Ms. so and so." Otherwise, probably by first name. As a general rule, I would teach my kids to be sensitive to others' wishes. If someone would like to be addressed as "Mrs. Jones," then that's how you address them. If someone says it's ok to call them by their first name, then that's what you do. Honestly though, I don't see myself as stressing over this issue too much.
Do you think this has more to do with how you grew up or living in CA? I think it has to do with my own upbringing, as well as where we live now and individual situations/circumstances. It's not one thing in particular.
How do you have children address you? I don't really have a preference and don't come in contact with a lot of kids, to be honest. My nieces (when they talk to us) don't usually call me anything but their mom refers to me as auntie S. I think I'd feel kind of weird being called Ms. something by a kid - seems way too formal for a child - but I know some parents/adults insist on this.
Stef - I think it probably has to do with your experience as a whole living in the South.
Funny enough, that family I was talking about from Georgia moved to Alabama after living in the Northwest for a few years. They could not wait to get back to the South!
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How did you address adults as a child? Mr/Mrs last name
Do you think this was because of where you grew up? nope, it was my mother's insistence. ALL of my friends called my parents by their first names. I was the only one to do the mr/mrs last name. though, sometimes even when the other adults said it was fine to use their first names, my mom would still insist on the mr/mrs, so then I just used the mr/mrs around my mom. :-)
How will you make your children (or if you are not having children how would you make your imaginary children) address other adults? I want to teach them to say Mr/Mrs last name unless directed otherwise. The daycare that DS goes to uses the Ms. first name approach, so we'll see if that causes any problems with my plan!
Do you think this has more to do with how you grew up or living in CA?This is all my mother.
How do you have children address you? Why?Because of how I was raised, I would HOPE that the other kids will use Mr/Mrs and I can tell them to just use my first name, but I would never insist on the mr/mrs from them.
How did you address adults as a child? I addressed them as Mr/Mrs to their faces but by their 1st names when speaking to my mom because she never knew their last names. I hated having to play that game and know both their names and use the correct one in the correct context.
Do you think this was because of where you grew up? I think it's more my age. It seemed like my mom was the only one who went by her 1st name around kids.
How will you make your children (or if you are not having children how would you make your imaginary children) address other adults? I would make them address the adults as they wish to be addressed. We have some bible beater Christian friends who want Mr/Mrs but Ray and I want our 1st names used so we just told them.
I grew up in California. So getting my first doses of Alabama from 18-23 made me long to be back in California, like ASAP and for the rest of my life.
Even when I read Bower Power Blog and see her insane gorgeous house in Georgia that they're selling for $160,000 and I want to cry big crocodile tears
Location, location, location!
Mr/Mrs/Ms last name? Mr./Miss/Mrs first name? First name basis? Other I addressed most adults by their first name. But at first, I would call them Mr. or Mrs. (or just not say their name at all!) until they told me I could use their first name.
Do you think this was because of where you grew up? I think part of it was that most of my friends were part of my mom's daycare, and they called her by her first name. It would have been weird for them to call my mom by her first name but me not call their parents by their first name. (Did that make any sense?)
How will you make your children (or if you are not having children how would you make your imaginary children) address other adults? I would have them ask (or I would ask) the adult how they want to be called.
Do you think this has more to do with how you grew up or living in CA? Probably a bit of both.
How do you have children address you? My friends' kids call me by my first name. As a teacher, I was referred to as Mrs. Now, as an after school teacher, I am either Meghan or Teacher Meghan.
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How did you address adults as a child? Generally most adults and certainly the parents of my friends were Mr./Mrs., but several neighbors who were family friends were on a first name basis.
Do you think this was because of where you grew up? I don't think so. I grew up in Campbell. My mom and her mom and grandmom were all born and raised in SF, so maybe she was more formal that way? I don't know.
How will you make your children address other adults? Mr/Mrs unless they're told they can use first names.
How do you have children address you? Dr. N-A. Heh. No, they don't. Most everyone calls me Teri or "Ryan's/Aaron's mom"Why? My mom always asked my friends to call her by her first name. She really disliked her MIL and did not ever want to be called Mrs. N, because that was her MIL's name. I'm pretty casual, so I can't really picture requiring kids to call me Dr/Mrs.
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How did you address adults as a child? By their first names. It was common & wasn't considered rude. Aunts & Uncles were called by their first name not Aunt Jane etc. Seems soooo rude now.
Mr/Mrs/Ms last name? Mr./Miss/Mrs first name? First name basis? Other
Do you think this was because of where you grew up? Yes, it's totally because of where I grew up. It also wasn't rude to say yep or ya to an adult. It was just natural.
How will you make your children (or if you are not having children how would you make your imaginary children) address other adults? Mr., Mrs., or Miss. Unless it's a very close friend & they don't have a problem calling them by their first name.
Do you think this has more to do with how you grew up or living in CA? Probably with how I was raised. Now that I dont live there I think it is rude.
How do you have children address you? I am not around very many children. The ones I am around I have them call me by my first name. They are very close friends kids.
Why?
How did you address adults as a child?
As a child everyone was generally Mr./Mrs. Last Name, or family title and first name (Uncle Bob etc). There is only one exception: Tony and Robert-no family title before their names because they have been life partners for such a long time and my family did the best they could to not judge-but something really grated on all the parents in my family none of us 'kids' ever out a formal title infront of their names.
Mr/Mrs/Ms last name? Mr./Miss/Mrs first name? First name basis? Other
see above
Do you think this was because of where you grew up?
I grew up in Los Angeles...probably not. I went to a private school and respect is very big in religious schools. Plus my parents adhere to a much older belief that adults command respect.
How will you make your children (or if you are not having children how would you make your imaginary children) address other adults?
Mr./Mrs. Last Name. I'm not really okay with addressing adults by first name. My kids will call our close friends aunt/uncle-we tease to start that our friends will be very important in our kids lives someday.
Do you think this has more to do with how you grew up or living in CA?
I don't. I think that is silly. To me, it has to do with parents and how they want their children to behave-not with the state a child is raised in.
How do you have children address you?
It used to me Miss. First Name, but now married it's Mrs. First Name.
Why?
Simply put, when I used to work with kids I was single and not really in a position of authority-but some respect still remained so I went by Miss. Now that I'm married and I encounter kids on a quasi educational level I go by Mrs. First Name. I like to be the adult that kids are comfortable with-especially since more than once I've been doing a guided tour and a kid has panicked and when kids are scared it needs to be as easy as possible for them to get my attention and help.
How did you address adults as a child? Mr/Mrs/Ms last name? Mr./Miss/Mrs first name? First name basis? Other. I would call them Mr. Last name until they told me their first name. I even called one woman "Anna's mom" until she told me her name...like 3 months later.
Do you think this was because of where you grew up? I think my parents taught me that but I honestly don't know. I was a pretty sweet respectful kid growing up.
How will you make your children (or if you are not having children how would you make your imaginary children) address other adults? Mr. Last name.
Do you think this has more to do with how you grew up or living in CA? I grew up in NY, so no. Haha. My mom is just VERY proper.
How do you have children address you? Why? I let them call me by my first name. It makes me sound otherwise. When I was a substitute teacher I let them call me Miss C (my maiden name started with a C).
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