Family Matters
litt1er4
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Hopefully you can give me better prospective?
I don't normally post here but I hope you can give me some advice,
Backstory: My DH hasn?t seen his brother in 17 years, long story short his parents had a really bad divorce when they were in their young, their father had a lot of money & power took the boys (DH & his brother), moved a lot, basically hid the boys from their mom (she hasn?t seen DH's brother in over 25 years), when DH was ~16-17 he got in a huge fight with his father & was kicked out of the house & never was able to tell his brother goodbye or why he was force to leave. DH said when he was living with his Dad, his Dad used to talk really badly about his mom, and he?s sure that his father probably said terrible things about him to his brother. (for instance DH called his father on his 18 birthday to try to reconcile their relationship; his father said he did want to speak to him again and said he only has one son now). DH has been trying to get a hold of his brother for years (calling numbers that he thinks were either his dad or brother) but has never heard any thing back? This past weekend, his brother?s girlfriend sent DH a facebook message saying she heard the message DH left for his brother & she's trying to talk to him (his brother) to call DH back. We got to see pictures of him (he looks like a young DH), I'm feeling really emotional now. Well it's been a few days & DH is concerned his brother won't call, I don't know what do? I wish there was a way to get them back together. Do you think I should contact his brother?s gf? or just let DH deal with it? ETA: edited DH's name out
Re: Hopefully you can give me better prospective?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I don't, I just wanted to hear from someone else that my involvement won't help. It just kills me to see DH like this.
~*~Nestie Bestie with Bemmas221 ~*~
BFP 8/28/07, M/C 11/10/07
My TTA Chart|DIY obsessed
I agree with PP that you should let YH and his brother handle this. But I did want to share a story with you about our family. Maybe you can use it to help encourage your DH.
My dad has a brother who we lost track of when my grandmother passed away when I was 6 (I'm now 29). He moved around a lot and didn't keep in touch with the brothers (my dad has another brother) because in his words, the family "didn't approve of his lifestyle." While the family knew his lifestyle, no one ever said that he wasn't loved or wanted. He just assumed that this was the case.
So anyway, 23 years go by, and every year my dad calls family members (for some reason, he always stayed in touch with the aunt that raised them after their dad died when my dad was a teenager) to get the latest address and/or phone number for my uncle. Every year, he makes sure he either puts a card in the mail or makes a phone call for his brother's birthday. All the card or voicemail would say was, "Hi, brother, it's you're big brother. I just wanted to say happy birthday and tell you I love you." He never hears anything back about whether or not the brother ever received any of it. But he keeps it up every year just the same.
Around the end of 2008, my dad made his usual phone call for his brother's birthday. About a week later, my dad got a phone call from the brother. He said, "You know, every year, you call me for my birthday or send a card. No matter how badly I've treated you by ignoring you, you never fail to let me know you love me for my birthday. I would like to get to know you your family again." They started e-mailing back and forth, and sometimes it was rough as they worked out their differences and past hurt. But slowly, the pain and hurt started to melt away. A couple months later, they were on the phone and my dad mentioned that I was getting married that July. My uncle promised to be there, but none of us got our hopes up. Sure enough, he flew in 2 days before the wedding and we got to spend that time catching up and making new memories.
Now I know this is ideal, but not always the case. But I wanted to tell you that sometimes it does happen, you just can't rush it. You have to let things happen in their time.
Hope that helps!