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I honestly don't know if some of my friendships can make it through this election...
I know I posted a few weeks ago about my friend who was going a little bananas with some over-the-top comments.
For the most part, I've let him go on. I ignore. I don't answer his emails. Today, as I was standing in line for the Obama rally (which I didn't get into, lol...it filled up and there were still thousands of us outside...), he started sending me texts.
Apparently, another friend of ours was there and my GOP friend started sending texts that said, "So and so told me he's at the Obama flag burning rally and it's nothing but [insert n word here] and [insert derogatory term about gay people here]." He typed it in Spanish, but still--the equivalents of those words.
Then came another one, "Be sure not to say God Bless America, as you will incite a riot."
Then something about how liberals hate America. I finally just sent him a text that said, "I think it's a good idea you and I don't speak until after the election," but truth be told...I honestly doubt if I'll hear from him again. And part of me is just tired of this. I know in my heart there's a good person deep inside, but it does bother me that hatred comes up so quickly. As you can see--none of his criticisms about Obama involved policy. Nothing but hatred and judgment.
I was feeling bad enough after all that and I get home and see that another good friend of mine--who to this point has made points in passing about how she's not an Obama fan and that's fine--has now started calling him "Osama."
Maybe because I was already down about what my other friend said, but I just feel horrified.
I understand not everyone is going to see the world the same way I do. I understand we're different. But why does hatred have to come into it? Why not say you don't agree with Obama's policies? Why not say you think his ideas are wrong?
Why refer to him as a terrorist? Why equate him with a mass murderer? Why say that people on the other side of the aisle from you don't love America?
I know it happens on talk radio and heck on crazy E08 sometimes. But when you see your friends saying stuff like that, it seems different. It's harder to swallow almost.
Mostly now I wonder if I've made some mistakes in judgment. If I've tacitly ignored little comments here and there because of strong bonds from the past. And I wonder if that past is strong enough to withstand the hate that I see coming from them. I wonder if I even want to make the effort anymore.
Like I've said--I have no problem having conservative friends. I just wish they wouldn't use hateful language. The n word? The f word? Is that where we are now? Really?
Re: I honestly don't know if some of my friendships can make it through this election...
The n word and f word aren't conservative terms -- they are bigoted terms. I have close friends who are conservatives, but they don't use that hateful language. With your friend, I would make this discussion about the hatred and bigotry, rather than the election or Dem vs. Rep.
I am with you. I could not, would not be friends with anyone who used those terms.
my read shelf:
Boo. I am sorry to hear that.
Emotions are running high so, I think you are wise to not talk to those friends for awhile.
I think this election will and has brought out a lot of closet and not so closet racists. If your friend is Hispanic I know there has been a lot of talk of how there is a great divide among blacks and Hispanics - for whatever reason.
Thank you for the encouragement and support everyone. I know I've brought this up a couple of times but it seems to be getting worse. And like I said--the biggest thing bothering me now is MY judgment. Did I not see this coming? Or did I allow a few little comments to filter through because of a shared childhood and now they feel comfortable letting this out? Who knows.
It's just hard because literally--the friend with the texts and the emails--I have known him for well over 15 years. To hear the stuff coming out of his mouth recently it just hurts. He messaged me back saying "Stop being so sensitive." I have no answer. But calling out someone for using language like that and being told I'm sensitive? Yikes.
We'll see what happens after the election...but I think I see some of these friendships just slowly dying out. I don't want hateful people in my life. I just don't. And if these are true colors I'm seeing now...so be it.
This is hard. You can't blame yourself, though. This person is just now showing their true colors. Were there signs before? Maybe. But when it's not blatant, it's easier to ignore or write off b/c it's a good friend and SURELY he doesn't really think that. But truly, don't be so hard on yourself.
I'd write back "I will, when you stop using hateful language. Please respect me on this issue."
I'd *want* to write back, "I will, when you stop being a bigot." But that wouldn't be constructive ;-)
I hate the "stop being so sensitive" argument. If you're offended, you're offended. People say that because they don't want to admit they have done anything wrong, and it's basically unassailable as an argument. If you start arguing, "I'm not being sensitive!!" you end up looking like an ass. It's the same consversation-stopping device as "stop being so defensive." It essentially stops the conversation and immediately puts the other person in the wrong, while insulting them at the same time.
Truthfully, you should probalby not respond to any texts/phone calls until after the election. It sounds like you won't convince him of anything, and it sounds like the interactions are only hurtful to you.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this
That's just awful. I'm so, so sorry your dealing with this. Not only are your friends using such bigoted terms, but they are disrespecting you on top of that. The first would be upsetting to me, and the second would probably put me on the side of ending the friendship. Honestly, at this point, I think it's gone way past the point of the election, at least with the friend that you've talked to about how you feel. With the "Osama" friend, I'd approach it from a "do you realize how horrible of a joke that is and how it makes me feel," and go from there.
I don't think this is a reflection of your judgement AT ALL.
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I am so sorry you're dealing with this...I have had to let some friendship go because of behavior like this and it hurts like hell...because when people show you who they REALLY are, believe them...the first time (easier said than done, I know).
Ultimately, in making the break, I realized that it was hurting me more to know that our friendship meant so little to them that they just couldn't/wouldn't realize how awful they were behaving and change it. and even worse, that I was in some way condoning their behavior by letting our friendship continue.
It is tough enough for those of dealing with family members that display such intolerant behavior because you don't choose your family...you most certainly choose your friends and if your friends care more about being a bigot than being your friend and quite frankly, a decent human being, then warn them once and if nothing changes, cut their toxic nature out of your lives.