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Life Insurance Questions...help!
My husband and I have been married for 8 months; 6 of those months, however, he spent overseas deployed. He has been home for a month now, and things are going perfect, despite my MIL's efforts to cause problems between us, but that is for another post.
Today, my MIL called me to tell me that she was going to take a life insurance policy out on my husband and me. Of course, I got a little freaked out. I didn't see the point of her having insurance on me. I was not very comfortable with the idea of her "benefiting" from something happening to me. So, my problem is how to address this issue. I am also VERY annoyed that she feels the need to take out a policy on my husband. Am I wrong for feeling that, as a married adults, we should be the only people who have life insurance policies on ourselves, leaving only each other as beneficiaries (since there are currently no kids involved)? Or should I just deal with her being overbearing, though I feel like I am married to a 15 year old whose mother can't let go? PLEASE help!
Re: Life Insurance Questions...help!
Lurker here to answer part of your question. At least in New York you, as the insured, would have to consent and sign forms for medical/health testing. So at the very least, if you didn't do that, she couldn't successful get life insurance for you.
Regarding how to address the issue, I will leave that to the other women here who offer excellent MIL advice.
BFP 8.9.12 EDD 4.15.12 M/C 8.19.12
BFP 10.11.12 EDD 6.24.12 M/C 10.19.12
My Dh's mom got a life insurance policy on my DH for whatever reason but told me that she would make me the beneficiary. Now whether that is the case who knows. I would just tell her you appreciate the thought but have your life insurance needs taken care of. She can't take out the policies without your consent since most will require a physical or a release of medical records and a consent form to be signed. Also, most states have laws that the spouse is automatically the beneficiary unless they sign a waiver so she may be out of luck anyway.
We found it weird but funny. I joke that my DH better watch his back around my MIL just in case
We didn't make it a big deal but she also wasn't taking one out on me and my DH didn't care about her taking one out on him. We have more than covered our life insurance needs so I don't need a policy from her.
ETA: I am sure there are some shady insurance groups that would allow this to happen but it would not be for any sort of significant policy level as those always require physicals.
did she say why? did you ask? did DH? what does he think?
but this "though I feel like I am married to a 15 year old whose mother can't let go?" concerns me more than anything. what's that about?
What does your husband think about all of this?
My husband thinks it is also a little strange. But, we had a discussion a few months ago about our current life insurance policy that we have through the military, and he wrote it where I got 70% and his parents got 30%...which once again annoys me..here is where the "I like I am married to a 15 year old" problem comes into play. I just feel like it is now our place to be the beneficiary on our life insurance policies...not our parents...and my parents agree..
Well, then the problem is not your MIL, it's your husband. Also, why are you talking to your parents about your life insurance policy? You can't get irritated by his mom's intrusiveness and then get your own parents involved.
Do his parents have health issues or some other compelling reason that makes your husband concerned about their ability to survive if something happens to him? If not, it seems like they should be able to support themselves whether he is alive or not, and I would agree that you should be the sole beneficiary of the policy. Although I was under the impression that a person's spouse IS the sole beneficiary unless the spouse signs off on another arrangement.
When my husband and I decide how to split up the insurance. We both felt that our parents should get some %. For a few reasons 1) my parents are not well off and want it to give them some time to coup. 2) my husbands mom is a cosigner on his jeep. She is not in any position to take on the payment should anything happen to him. So I was fine with leaving her on it. I to have some what of a mama's boy. But slowly we are working on that.
Not in all states. Our beneficiary forms (I work for a financial planner) have the following verbage for the Consent of Spouse signature spot:
This consent of spouse must be signed if all of the following conditions are present: (a) the spouse of the owner is living, (b) is not the sole primary beneficiary named, and (c) the owner and spouse are residents of a community property state (Arizona, California, Idaho, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington and Wisconsin).BFP 8.9.12 EDD 4.15.12 M/C 8.19.12
BFP 10.11.12 EDD 6.24.12 M/C 10.19.12
Your DH needs to be the one to approach your MIL, if he wont then you dont have a MIL problem at all.
I so know what you mean. I am older then my H is by about 5 yrs And I lived on my own since i turned 18. to some it up H hasn't. When we moved into our first apartment together I was moving him out of his parents house. Which everyone agreed it was time. But sometimes moms have a hard time with it. She was on his bank accounts and did his taxes. Folded is laundry when he took it over there to do. ( Since our apartment had coin-op)
Her and I went rounds a few times. When she crossed a few lines. H and I fought quit a bit about her involvment in our life. I really had to pick and choose my battles and in three years. I have helped cut the cord! LOL.
She finnally excepts her son is growing up and has wife. I do not tip toe around my MIL. and I have learned that i can not going through my H. If I have a problem with her, I directly tell her and she has to tell me. Now we have a great MIL and DIL relationship. (most of the time)
It helps to have a relationship with her and then I can stop her from doing to much for H. When H should do it him self.
Best of Luck.
I specifically chose to marry someone who is not overly attached to his parents. Since that's not an option for you at this point, the two of you need to have a serious discussion about your expectations for each other and the role that your respective families will play in your lives. You need to agree on some boundaries for parental involvement, and how you will handle it if someone crosses the line.
Generally, your husband should be the one to take the lead with his parents and you should take the lead with yours. In this case, however, since your MIL is talking about taking out a life insurance policy on YOU, you are perfectly justified in telling her you don't feel comfortable with that, even if your husband won't.
You mentioned in your OP that your MIL frequently tries to cause problems between the two of you, but that's a topic for another post. However, your problem with MIL and the life insurance is clearly related to the overall dynamic going on here, and it sounds like this is not the only area of your life where she's causing problems. You really need to tell your husband that it is unacceptable for him to put her before you. If he has a hard time understanding that, or following through, you need to see a counselor.
I can completely sympathize with both of you. My FIL passed away when DH was 15, and MIL made sure that her boys were on all of her accounts and she was on all of theirs "just in case". When we got married, DH wanted to take her off of all of his accounts (as BIL did when he got married), and she threw a hissy fit, saying she wasn't going to sign the paperwork to do so. DH finally told her he was going to find a way to do it either way, even if it meant he had to close all the accounts and reopen new ones in order to remover her and put me on. Well, she finally gave in and we went to the bank and found out he would have to close the accounts to remove her anyway. So he moved her to the third spot on the accounts and put our two names as the primary (to complicated with to many accounts to close them and open new ones).
As far as life insurance, she also thought she should remain the benificiary (I started to think she was convinced our marriage was doomed since she didn't want me on anything). DH put his foot down and changed everything over to give me 100%.
All of these desicions were DH's, and I let him deal with his mom about the changes. He also put his foot down when she opened a savings account for the two of us (her and I-I bought a car from her, and she opened it so I could just deposit the money in there and she won't touch it until the car is payed off). For an account that only I will be making deposits into and only she will be making withdraws from, she wanted to put her, me, DH, and BIL all on it. DH and BIL both refused to sign the paperwork to put their names on the account.
Sometimes I swear she thinks DH and I's marriage is doomed and that's why she's putting all these measures in place. But then DH doesn't stand for any of it, and I know I've got a good guy.