Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Seriously?!...vent
Ok so as some of you know my SIL is having a second baby shower hosted by her sister. I dont totally agree with the idea, but she is having a boy this time (already has a 4 year old girl) so I've heard its somewhat socially acceptable. At least I can buy something fun and frivoulous (sp?) since she already has the necessities.
Fast forward to this afternoon when I get the invitation in the mail today and the bottom of the invite says "Registered at Target, and Babies R Us".....uhhh what?!?! Not only are you having a second shower but you registered? at 2 places? To top it all off, I looked up the registries only to find that she has registered for a playmat/gym when I bought her a REALLY nice one for her first child only 4 years ago...and yes the one I bought was gender neutral. WTH?!
Sorry I just had to get that off my chest...part of me wants to ask for the other one back but I know better.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
Re: Seriously?!...vent
Thanks ladies - it makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone in my opinion here.
I'm def not buying anything off the registries, I had already bought a set of picky stickys (link here), three Dr. Seuss books, and a couple of boyish kids cooking items since my brother (the father) cooks and bakes a lot.
I think I'll give her the picky stickys and the 3 books at the shower, and save the cooking items to give to my brother on Fathers day - the baby wont be able to use them for a couple years anyway.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
You're definitely not alone. That's extremely tacky, imo.
It's probably expected that family would buy the baby new clothes as a kind gesture since she's having a boy -- Grandma, Grandpa, Aunts, Uncles all like to spoil baby. The picky stickies you already bought are perfect. But to register for new cribs/strollers/etc is very tacky.
You can't expect people to spend $100's on you whenever you have a kid.
Catarntina - she didnt register for a crib or stroller, but she did register for a breast pump (she didnt breast feed last time), a new play mat, a bouncer seat, and lots of towels, washclothes, and onsies. She also registered for specific outfits which I think is rude...if someone wants to buy your child an outfit they should be able to choose something THEY like.
In my opinion if she needed a bouncer seat, onsies, towels, and washclothes she should have told her sister (the host) what she needed and IF SOMEONE ASKED her sister could have told them that those were the items she could really use...I'm just really bothered by the registries, especially since the play mat was on there. I spent $90 bucks on the first one, ugh!
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
Wow. Yeah, that's pretty tacky.
Wrap up an etiquette book and give that to her too!
Books read in 2012: 21/50
I get why you are frustrated. I might be as well in that situation. I do want to offer a different perspective that you can take or leave. I have a girlfriend whose son was about 4.5 when she found out she was having twins. In the years between, she happily, lent or gave some of her larger items to some of her close friends for their use since she 1. wasn't sure if she was going to have another or not. 2. was super generous to her friends who were in a bit of financial straights. She could loan out the things she wasn't using at the time.
Certainly she could try and get the items back if the friends were done using them but at the same time was going to now have 2 girls. So she did register for some seconds and doubles of items she might have had 4 years before. She herself went from being pretty financially set to plumetting a bit and honestly really needed the help. Myself and a few others were in better financial positions and I happily helped host a shower/sprinkle to help her out. I don't think anyone thought twice about it or thought it was rude or tacky that we had another shower. She did register, because in honesty, there were certain things she needed and others she didn't. I'd say about 1/2 bought "frivolous" clothes and the other half bought very practical items.
I guess my point is, sometimes there is a lot we may not know about someone's financial postition or motivation perhaps for putting up a registry. I didn't want to judge, I just wanted to help her out in any way I could. I could be speaking out of my A$$ as you are most likely in the know about SIL. But I just wanted to see the other side.
lol thats such a great idea
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
I get what your saying here but this is the difference...
1) This baby was planned...they have talked about having 2 children ever since before they were married, and in the fall they began TTC for #2 so there was no "surprise" I'm having a baby and gave my stuff away situation.
2) The scenario you are referencing the mother was having twins, I can certainly understand needing duplicates of things you already have when you are now having 2 infants at the same time - however, I dont think you need 2 NEW items if you still have the old one - they dont need to match.
3) They are not suffering from any type of financial struggle (its my brother and his wife so I would certainly be aware)
I do understand where you are coming from and I can honestly say there are some scenarios where I feel a second baby shower is acceptable...those circumstances include a "surprise" baby when you werent planning to have anymore and have given away your baby items. Also, if your family has experienced a fire, flood or other devistation where your items were ruined.
As for the second shower when the baby is of the opposite sex from the first one, I still side eye it but I'm "ok" with it as long as the person doesnt register.
Again, these are just my opinions and I realize not everyone will agree - but I do think its flat out rude to register for a "replacement" item when the person who gave you the original is invited to the shower.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
I would be sympathetic to someone in this situation. I have friends who are more or less comfortable financially than I am, and I would totally understand someone needing a little help or no longer having all the stuff. I went to one second baby shower where the hostess asked for hand-me-downs only, which I also thought was a nice way for people to give a gift, not spend a lot, and it was not wasteful of all that hardly-used baby stuff.
Based on Linds' previous posts about the SIL in question, she comes across as kind of self-centered. Somehow I don't feel there's any actual need in her case.
Ick, ick, ick. What does everyone else think of the registry? I can't imagine registering for stuff, especially higher-priced things. I agree with what you said, Linds- tell the SIL some suggestions in case anyone asks. Although, if she hadn't been having the shower in the first place, there wouldn't be this issue
Eat.Drink.BeMarried. Blog.
Linds - I totally get why you are annoyed in the SIL situation. I would be too honestly. I tried to get that point across in my first post. The thing I don't sometimes like about the board is how I get the feeling there are so many who blanket statement "Second showers are tacky". I'm on the fence about them, that's where I was coming from. Sometimes I completely understand why someone would appreciate one, and sometimes I think it's gluttonous.
And I really do get that it would be upseting to see a gift that you already gave her was back on the registry. I would probably be snotty enough to say directly to her "What happened to the one I gave you? Wasn't it good enough?"
I would be annoyed, too. I can understand the concept of a "sprinkle" like Faith (I think it was her?) mentioned, but to go and register at two different stores is a bit much.
In general though, I am usually surprised at baby registries. I get the idea of them, but it really gets me when I see people register for things like clothes hangers, socket protectors, cotton swabs, etc and things like that. Really? You can't buy those things on your own?