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Parents and daycare
According to my last post, DH and I were thinking of placing our child in daycare because my in-laws (who were babysitting before) were so getting so clingy and refused to do anything to ease our concerns. They refused to child-proof their house and acted like co-parents to our child. We finally had enough and placed our child in daycare. Our son absolutely loves it! He has so many friends and the provider answered all our questions and eased all of our concerns. Her house is entirely child-proofed and we have total peace of mind. My in-laws, however, are not taking it so well. We take our son to visit my in-laws once or twice a week now. They were used to seeing him four to five times a week when they used to babysit. Now every time my mother-in-law sees her grandson, she cries. Actually, she starts bawling because she says she misses her grandson so much. My father-in-law doesn't cry, but always shoots the both of us a dirty look. As I've mentioned in my previous post, my in-laws have no respect for us and whatever we say falls on deaf ears. They see us as: you young parents, you two don't know ANYTHING. That's how they treat us. And with them acting like this, even more so we don't want to visit as often.
Now my question to you moms who placed your child in daycare: After you placed your child in daycare, how did your parents/in-laws take it, and what was the result of it afterwards? Did your parents accept it afterwards? Did the situation get even worse? All comments are welcome!
Re: Parents and daycare
"Mom, clearly our visit is upsetting you so we're going to head out. Give me a call when you are feeling better and we'll try bringing DC over again then."
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Exactly.
They are angry. They want to be the parents and they are not.
You teach people how to treat you. If you accept this behavior and meakly bring DS more and more to appease them, then they'll continue. If you get a backbone and say you don't like being punished for doing what's best for you and your son, they'll change their attitude to get more visits.
My mom completely flipped out on me when I said I wasn't coming for Thanksgiving this year (did go last year). It took about a month for her to stop being mean and manipulative. I spent the month not taking her crap until it dawned on her that 1- I wasn't changing my mind, and 2- it was making things worse for her.
Ditto all the pp's - livinitup, ECB, casmgn, etc.
My parents didn't mind when my kids went to daycare - they both had jobs / lives of their own. My mom thankfully offered to take dd when dd was sick (and thus couldn't go to daycare) if she was not working that day, which was a lifesaver.
My parents are both the type who love having the kids, but also like packing them up and sending them home - so I wouldn't have to worry about them being possessive!
Ditto what everyone else has said. Stop letting these people manipulate you, and stop catering to them. If they are going to act like overgrown babies over this, then stop rewarding the behavior by continuing to visit them.
YOU are doing THEM the favor, not the other way around. Remember that. And grow the rest of your spine.
Neither my parents or MIL ever provided regular childcare for us. They had no choice but to be supportive of our decision to use daycare. Wouldn't have mattered to H and I anyway, since we are the parents.
Exactly. If it's hurting them so much to see him, maybe they should see him less. I bet that will put a stop to the tears real quick.
P.S., boy are they manipulative people!
Obviously, this should be your H saying this to them since they're his parents.
This exactly!
Married to my best friend 6/5/10
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12.
One thing that you need to consider is that your child was a huge part of their lives and now he's not. While I do think that you need to address the crying and the attitude that happens when you do visit, I don't think that limiting visits even more is the mature thing to do.
My in laws had ds full time for just over a year. They never babyproofed their house and yes, they gave us suggestions about some of his behviors but we were grown-ups about it and told them that we appreciated their input and would consider it. They were very upset when we made the decision to put ds in daycare. We ended up having ds with me one day, them one day and daycare for three.
I started a new job and they offered to take him two days, saving us some $$$ - something that could not have been done had we pulled ds out of their lives over a disagreement.
Exactly. Why let yourself be manipulated by these people? They are in charge of their own behaviour and if they can't smarten up and act right, buh-bye.