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Parents creating constant drama
I'll keep this as simple as possible...honestly, I don't even know where to begin...
My parents thrive on drama.
1. DH and I are having the first grandchild on both sides. My parents have requested to be nowhere near IL's for meeting baby, despite how well they get along. My parents have no logical explanation.
2. My parents have been married 37 years. For the past 5 years, they have been acting like jealous high school lovers every minute of every day. Even in social situations, or family gatherings, they go in private for a phone call or face to face "discussion", despite the fact they live together...
-They even invite us kids over for dinner, only for us to hang around for hours while they meet in private.
These are just the two big examples. I'm fine with being direct and saying "this is how it will be", but that will be an excuse for more drama from them. They will say their feelings are hurt, and the drama continues. I can't be bothered.
Sadly, my solution thus far is to only have contact with my own parents when necessary. My brother actually moved 100 mi. away and only sees them on holidays.
I'm exhausted just thinking about this problem.
Re: Parents creating constant drama
First of all, congrats to you and DH! When are you due?
Second, I can sympathize with you. Both my parents and my future ILs are creating constant drama for us, and it is making the months proceeding our wedding miserable instead of a happy time! Basically, both sets of parents hate eachother, and at one point his parents didn't even want to throw us a rehersal dinner because they didn't want my parents to be there! How immature is that! And they have also decided that they don't like me either, I don't understand why. They have made tons of hurtful remarks directed towards both myself and my FI, and I am very upset about it. So is he, but he has a better time putting things aside and focusing on the happy things in our life, whereas I am not, and I have been miserable and angry for the past two weeks because of it. I am honesstly dreading having both families get together at the wedding, I hope they do not try to ruin our big day. His parents are coming to visit on Sunday and I honestly don't want to see them, which is good because i have to work that day anyway. Boo hoo.
I can't even imagine how things will be when we have kids. That won't be for awhile so hopefully things will have calmed down by then. As for now, we are planning on moving at least a plane ride away from both sets of parents (cuently we live about 4 hrs away from his and about 20 minutes frommine
) For now, we're just trying to not let their drama ruin our happiness.
Ditto the waiting. How freakin' rude! Next time they pull that, give them 10 minutes then leave. Seriously, leave. Leave them a note saying "Obviously, this is a bad time. We will have to get together another time. Hugs!"
They can ask for the moon. You don't have to stress yourself out trying to give it to them. Now you have to put your marriage and your child ahead of their petty requests. Learn the following phrase: "Obviously, I can't guarantee that." Repeat as often as necessary.
It's hard not to internalize your parent's poor behavior. Especially when they are making demands on you.
You can say no and walk away as they crumble. It's not fair of them to say something ridiculous like "we don't want to be around your in-laws when we meet the new baby - make it happen". Not fair at all.
Obviously, this super drama is working for them. Maybe it's spicing-up a 30 year marriage. Maybe they like the attention of making everyone wait on them for hours. It sounds like pouting and claiming "hurt feelings" gets them a whole 'nother round of attention and pandering and support. There may even be an elder issue that they are covering. Or maybe they just like being selfish as$holes.
Here's the thing, you're about to have a baby. That's a pretty big deal with a LOT ofmoving parts. And they just made it all about them. Resist the urge to accomodate them.
Ditto this.
However, from talking to grandparents, there is often jealousy between sides, especially if one side is closer than the other (either emotionally or in miles). I had a freind who lived in a different state as her son/grandchild. She would go to visit, and the other grandma (who lived down the road, 5 minutes away) would always be there. The other grandma saw the kids all the time without having to share, and my friend wanted some time with her son/dil/grandchild on their own without the other grandma, which is fair. So, I don't think wanting some private time is that bad.
Thank you for your helpful responses. Thank you especially to DaringMiss who suggested the magic phrase "Obviously I can't guarantee that." It's so simple, yet powerful enough to get the point across. In addition, with the baby on the way (Due may 8th!), it will be much easier from now on to walk out on them citing the inconvenience they have caused DH, baby and I when they invite us over, only to abandon us for hours.
I agree they are acting rude AND weird. I'm constantly wrestling with all of the dysfunction that they have developed in only the past 10 years, and it's only getting worse...
I asked my brother and DH to put me directly into a straightjacket if I start acting like them when we get older! Ah well..