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Discouraged with MIL
As you know, we've been having a rough time with MIL and Abe.
Last night we decided to give it another go and leave him with MIL and FIL while Seth and I went out to supper. She has been after us all week about seeing him.
So. I left a bottle and told her that at school they wrap him in a blanket and feed him in a rocker...hoping that would help her since he hadn't been taking a bottle from her. We left and he was in a good mood.
Just over two hours later we go back and Abe is in hysterics. Crying and hiccuping and trying to catch his breath. I just about died. WHY THE F didn't she call me?? "Oh...he's been like that about 15 or 20 minutes." OMG. He doesn't cry like that anymore! So I grab him and he quiets down. And I notice the bottle of breastmilk (that was frozen) on the counter. She hadn't fed him.
I was almost in tears on so many levels.
That is three milks that I have had to dump out because she doesn't feed him when he is there (she says he won't take a bottle...because I'm sure she gets flustered which makes him flustered). And I know he won't take a bottle from me or Seth after he has been crying like that and he knows I am there. AND Seth and MIL don't get that you can't just dump milk out. That it is valuable. "Can't you just pump more??"
MIL says, "Well...aren't you still pumping??" "Yes." "Well when are you goiing to stop doing that?" WTF. When I stop breastfeeding in like a year??!?!?
I'm so discouraged because now I don't feel AT ALL comfortable leaving him there. And I don't know how to convey to them that you can't just dump out breastmilk.
I'm so upset...
Re: Discouraged with MIL
And the back of him was all wet because she doesn't put the dipes on properly. Even though we have showed her twice and asked her if she feels comfortable with it.
Poor Abe.
I don't have kids, but this makes me SO ANGRY for you! Not feeding your child or changing him (properly) is NOT acceptable on ANY level.
I would be LIVID. And I would just say that these are deal breakers. And aren't areas for compromise.
I would not even be talking to MH, MIL, or FIL at this point.
You are TOTALLY justified, in my opinion, to tell them that until they "get" it, Abe will not be spending time with the ILs without you and/or Seth being there.
I am SO SO SORRY that you are going through this, Brianne. Hugs hugs hugs. And let me know if I can do anything to help.
I am so pissed & sad for you. At the very least, you need to talk to Seth about the dumping milk issue. Maybe have him read some of the posts of women (like me) who tried so hard even to pump just a few oz -- help him to see that it really is like gold.
I would not hesitate to have a talk with Seth about MIL either -- it's clear that she either isn't comfortable or not able to take care of Abe in the way that you need her to. So right now, it seems like the best option is to only visit when you can be there (which stinks for you!).
poor Abe! I am so sorry but your MIL is an idiot.
Trust those mommy instincts- if you are not comfortable with leaving him with her there is a valid reason.
This. If she can't get it together enough to take care of her grandchild, then she doesn't deserve to babysit. If it were anyone else, you wouldn't think twice about NEVER asking them to babysit again. You have to do what is best for the little guy. I am sorry that she is such a moron.
I don't get how she ever raised her own children! She sounds completely clueless and almost like she has no natural instinct. I'm so sorry! And you do have every right to be pissed and not to leave Abe with her. (we don't leave N unattended with a certain family member of Joe's for safety reasons and she just has to accept it) Visits to MIL's will just have to be supervised or something. I don't get where they think breastmilk just appears out of nowhere or is this endless supply. It's hard working making that stuff and it IS liquid gold! How ignorant.
Poor little guy! Sorry that your MIL is an idiot.
Sad thing is that I can see my MIL acting similarly. Hope she proves me wrong.
Pretty much this. We also have a family member that is really only allowed to play with MJ when supervised by Mike or me. At this point, your MIL needs to earn her trust back through LOTS of time with all 3 of you.
Someone once told me that her doc said if there was a dollar amount on the nutritional value to breast milk it is $4/ oz. So throwing out a 5 oz. bottle due to ignorance is like ripping up a $20. Not ok in either situation.
I hope it gets better for you. Grandparents can be so amazing, but not if they are causing extra stress to you and Abe!
The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware; joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware. -Henry Miller
http://cookthehumbletable.blogspot.com/
I think it really blows that you have potential nearby free babysitters and you can't rely on them. Bah.
I agree, you are absolutely within your rights to restrict her "alone time" access to Abe. I felt similarly about my SMIL when Owen was little (although, in her defense, it turned out that she had a brain tumor)...you could just tell by the way she held him that neither she nor Owen was comfortable. His diapers were never on right, either, and she changed him like every 30 minutes (hello, extra laundry). In general, it just didn't work so well. Now that he's older, though, it's much better. Some people just can't deal with infants. Hopefully your MIL will be one of those people who gets better and more comfortable as your babe ages. In the meantime, stick with your mommy instincts and limit her however you deem necessary.