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WWYD?
First thank you all for the thoughts and prayers for my friend and her family. I went to the wake on Thursday and it was just heartbreaking; but there were so many people there showing them support, I know they'll be ok.
Here's the backround to the WWYD part. The friend who lost her dad recently moved back here from FL and we had started talking more frequently and hanging out on occassion. I noticed on Thursday that her husband was not present and asked a mutual friend who had remained close with her all this time where he was. She proceeds to tell me that the husband's mother had died a few weeks prior and went back to FL and while he was there my friend called him and told him that their marriage was not working, that she wanted a divorce and that he should just stay down there! They got married in May 2010. The kicker is that she has already messed around with her old bf and may have already slept with him.
She claims that she's been unhappy for a while but couldn't just kick him out in Chicago with no job and no place to live. I don't think I can get over the infidelity whether she was unhappy in her marriage or not and remain friends with her. WWYD? Could you look past it has her own life choice or is this something that could end a friendship?
Re: WWYD?
Wow. It sounds like your friend has a lot going on right now.
She just lost her dad. I think you should give her some time to adjust to that. She's going to need friends at a time like this. So try to take a step back from the judgment part about the infidelity right now. Let it breathe.
I definitely can understand how that stuff would throw you off. And honestly, I'm not sure I'd be hunky-dory with a good friend announcing she had cheated on her H and was filing for divorce. But now is not the time to bring it up, IMO. However, in a few weeks, I would maybe sit down with her and let her know how you feel about it. Tell her you're there for her, but you personally feel that while her marriage may have been making her unhappy, you don't agree with her choices. You love and support her, but you also want her to know how you feel about it.
I think the key is to be genuine, be real. Just don't slam her with it now. She's feeling enough as it is.
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Did she cheat on you? No?
Then I don't really see how the poor choices she's making involving her marriage effects you.
She has a lot going on in her life right now. Be a friend and be there for her.
It certainly was not ever my thought to just "dump" her and not be friends or be supportive of her right now. For me I think it was more a matter of I feel like she's not the same person I knew before; she would never have cheated on a bf when we were younger so it's beyond belief to me that she would cheat on her husband. It makes me wonder if she's still the same person, a person that I would like now.
I will admit I'm being very judgmental about this but cheating on a spouse shows a big character flaw, one that had I met her now and learned about this at random I probably would not be friends with her. It's hard to think of her as not being the trustworthy, honest person that I knew before and that's what I think of when I hear that someone cheated on their spouse.
I plan to still be there for her as she mourns her father's death I just don't know if we'll be able to regain the closeness we once had.