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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
A Question for this Dreary Monday
This is going to be a morbid question, but it came up in a conversation yesterday and I'd like to know how you lovely ladies would respond.
If your SO passed away do you think you would eventually date or possibly remarry?
Do you think dating or remarrying after the loss of you S/O means your replacing them?
Re: A Question for this Dreary Monday
I would like to think I would eventually date and possibly remarry (I wouldn't be 100% against marrying again, but I don't think it would be a huge priority). I'm still young and we don't have children, so I would definitely date again (I hope).
I don't see it as replacing him. I don't think anyone would/could replace him. Any relationship would be different than the one I have with MH, just like my relationship with MH is different than with previous boyfriends.
I'm so sorry Bridezilla, I didn't mean to make you cry
(I took cried when this question was asked).
ETA: I hope Duddy is on because I'd LOVE a man's take on this, since I've only got one man's feeling on this question.
I think I would date and possibly remarry. I don't think it would be replacing DH, it would just be a different relationship. That said, I've never been one of those people that believes there's only ONE person for everyone.
My aunt was widowed when she was in her young 30s and had a 1 1/2 yo. My uncle was about 13 years older and died suddenly of a heart attack while playing golf. It was a huge shock. My aunt and cousin moved in with my grandparents for a couple of years. Eventually she dated again and has since remarried. I guess everyone is different, but I know that even though she knew she'd never replace her husband, she couldn't just live her life mourning his loss.
RBLucy totally hit the nail on the head.
I would probably date and re-marry at some point. Probably not right away but withing a few yrs.
I want to share my life with someone and H wouldn't want me sitting her single at a young age. I don't see it as replacing him, its more of moving on and living my life which H would want me to do. I would want him to do the same also.
My uncle died at 32 of heart problems and about 5 yrs later my aunt remarried and as much as everyone missed my uncle its hard to imagine life without my aunts husband who we call uncle and their kids call dad. He never tried to replace her husband or their dad, he more stepped up and they started over, more of a new start.
I'm with RBLucy too.
DH and I have actually talked about this and both would want the other to eventually date again and remarry if this situation (I need to remove my emotions from this!) were to ever occur. It in no way would be a replacement but, I do think that life can move on after grieving and we wouldn't want the other to go through the rest of life alone and mourning.
Canon 50D, Canon 50mm f/1.4, Tamron 28-75mm f/2.8, Speedlite 430EX II
I basically had the same response as you ladies. I may date again, but I don't believe I'd ever remarry or seek out another relationship. I certainly don't think that if you remarry or date someone after your SO passes that you're replacing them, like Lisa said, every relationship is different, and I'm certain we'd all hold the relationships we have with our SO closer to us than anything else that came about.
I told DH I'd want him to be happy with his life after I had passed, but he said he'd never date or remarry, I was "it". Yes, that's sweet and all and I appreciate it, but is it a reality? I don't think so, I just don't think it's realistic, and I'd want him to live the best and happiest life he could lead without me.
He's all sh!tty about my response, which was an honest response. I'm not saying yes or no, and I pray that I am never faced with this any time soon (or ever). I really think it's a male/female thing, I asked the guy I work with the same question and he gave the same exact answer as MH. Hummm. Duddy?!
I'm not sure whether I would re-marry. I definitely am not a "loner" and would need companionship of some sort, but it would be really hard for me to commit to another marriage. I'm not sure if I could find someone of that caliber again. But it's definitely hard to make that kind of decision without being there.
I asked my husband for a male perspective. His response:
It might depend on whether we had children, how young they were - etc. Whether I thought they needed a mother. I like the company of women. But I don't know if I could possibly risk ever being as crushed as I would be after having lost you. Also, I don't think it would be fair to another woman to be such a damaged spouse - as I would be. If I ever did marry, it would be a very different sort of marriage. I would need a lot more space emotionally. If we had no kids I might not marry again. I believe I was called to marry you, I don't know if I was called "to be married".
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i totally agree with Rblucy too. It would def take some time, but I know I wouldn't want DH to be alone and I dont think he would want me to either. I'm actually gonna ask him about this later
I'm interested in what he's got to say Chris, because my DH was and is totally offended by my response.
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My grandpa lost his wife suddenly when she was 50. She died 3 days before I was born. When I was 9 I remember him being around this women Anna alot.
They dated, and then finally lived together. They never got married. But everyone was happy to know he wasnt alone. I never called her Grandma, but always said hey thats grandpa's girlfriend.
I would want J to be happy if I passed away, and if that means him being with someone else while I was gone, then so be, it. It just better not be a month after I am gone, cause I will haunt their a55es!!
awww Queenie
Being the line of work that he is in, i think that will make his opinion different. I think its much more of a reality for him but who knows. I will def let you know.
I think it would depend on the age of myself and my kids if I would date or remarry.
DH and I have always talked about it due to the nature of his jobs. Sadly I think about this often when he has close calls in fires. We both have permission to date and remarry and don't think it would be a replacement.
I think I would eventually but it would be hard. I figure it took me 27yrs to find H and I went through alot of a$$holes before we met.. not sure if i'd have another 27yrs to find another..
this is my answer and i am sticking to it: I think I would date again and possibly remarry. I would mourn of course and I think anything sooner than a year is not proper. If I had kids I would be very hesitant to bring gentlemen callers around them. Can someone replace Joe? no. But I am not sure I would want to spend the rest of my life alone either. Who knows maybe I'll be one of those little old ladies wearing black until I die.
On the flip side if I were the one to pass I would hope Joe would mourn me for more than 15 minutes and I would hope he find love again and someone to care for him. However, if we had children I would be very very very upset to the point of haunting the mo fo if he brought various women around the kid(s).
We've actually had this discussion and he says he'd never remarry, but I don't think that is because I am irreplaceable but rather to avoid the ups and downs of sharing a life with someone.
I told him I know what my next gown looks like.