September 2008 Weddings
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WWYD - Bridal Shower related

So I have a "friend" that is getting married at the end of April - we got no invite to the wedding as they are trying to keep it small and both the bride and groom have big families...Anyway the bride and i had lunch (at her request) a couple of weeks ago and we were talking about her wedding plans and whatnot and she mentioned that we wouldn't be invited to the wedding due to lack of space (whatever, I'm fine with that and I get that)...However she then proceeded to tell me that I would be invited to her shower and that if space opened up at the wedding we would be on her "B" list...

We used to be close but we aren't any more, her ex boyfriend got in the way...She was invited to both my shower and my wedding and didn't attend either (or send gifts - not that i cared about the gifts)...WWYD, would you go to the shower?  I don't know, I just feel like I was an after thought...I got the invite to the shower 15 days before the event...

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Re: WWYD - Bridal Shower related

  • If it was me, I wouldn't attend the shower but I would send her a smaller gift off her registry. But, that's just me Smile
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  • I wouldn't attend, and agree with Amanda that I would send only something very small from the registry (if anything).  I think it's in poor taste to lay it out there that you weren't "good enough to make the cut" but "good enough to give me a present."
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  • xojo1xojo1 member
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    imageMrs.Keith2B:
    If it was me, I wouldn't attend the shower but I would send her a smaller gift off her registry. But, that's just me Smile

    This exactly. I'd rather send a small gift and keep my time for myself in this situation. I would definitely be put off by the whole you can buy me a shower gift, but can't come to the wedding thing.

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  • imagexojo1:

    imageMrs.Keith2B:
    If it was me, I wouldn't attend the shower but I would send her a smaller gift off her registry. But, that's just me Smile

    This exactly. I'd rather send a small gift and keep my time for myself in this situation. I would definitely be put off by the whole you can buy me a shower gift, but can't come to the wedding thing.

    I had intended to send her something but they aren't registered anywhere...they want cash (invite to shower said not registered)...I don't want to just send cash

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  • I wouldn't go ... and to be honest I probably wouldn't send a gift either. But I can be evil.
  • imagerbagsgirl:
    imagexojo1:

    imageMrs.Keith2B:
    If it was me, I wouldn't attend the shower but I would send her a smaller gift off her registry. But, that's just me Smile

    This exactly. I'd rather send a small gift and keep my time for myself in this situation. I would definitely be put off by the whole you can buy me a shower gift, but can't come to the wedding thing.

    I had intended to send her something but they aren't registered anywhere...they want cash (invite to shower said not registered)...I don't want to just send cash

    I agree with everyone eles. Could you do a GC at BBB or Target?? That is what I would do
  • xojo1xojo1 member
    Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    imagerbagsgirl:
    imagexojo1:

    imageMrs.Keith2B:
    If it was me, I wouldn't attend the shower but I would send her a smaller gift off her registry. But, that's just me Smile

    This exactly. I'd rather send a small gift and keep my time for myself in this situation. I would definitely be put off by the whole you can buy me a shower gift, but can't come to the wedding thing.

    I had intended to send her something but they aren't registered anywhere...they want cash (invite to shower said not registered)...I don't want to just send cash

    In that case, I would probably only send a card. Or nothing. Especially since you are not close with them.

    The whole B list thing really bugs me, though.

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  • I wouldn't go or send a gift, showers are for people invited to the wedding, it seems gift grabby IMO.  Also showers are for gifts not cash, it just seems in poor taste. 
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  • imagerbagsgirl:
    imagexojo1:

    imageMrs.Keith2B:
    If it was me, I wouldn't attend the shower but I would send her a smaller gift off her registry. But, that's just me Smile

    This exactly. I'd rather send a small gift and keep my time for myself in this situation. I would definitely be put off by the whole you can buy me a shower gift, but can't come to the wedding thing.

    I had intended to send her something but they aren't registered anywhere...they want cash (invite to shower said not registered)...I don't want to just send cash

    Wow, I had a shower where I requested no gifts (it was a recipe shower, so I got some great recipes), but that was more because I didn't want to have to ship them from CO to VA, not because I was asking for cash. Maybe send just a card or, if you feel compelled to send a gift, just send a small GC to BBB or Target.

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  • imagePaige&Jeff:
    I wouldn't go ... and to be honest I probably wouldn't send a gift either. But I can be evil.

    This was my first thought. If you still want and had planned to send a gift I would send a gift card (BB&B, Target, etc) but not cash or check.

    I don't know. I'm kind of a stickler for etiquette and believe no wedding invite = no shower invite. I find it really rude to invite someone to a shower and not the wedding.

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  • imagerbagsgirl:
    imagexojo1:

    imageMrs.Keith2B:
    If it was me, I wouldn't attend the shower but I would send her a smaller gift off her registry. But, that's just me Smile

    This exactly. I'd rather send a small gift and keep my time for myself in this situation. I would definitely be put off by the whole you can buy me a shower gift, but can't come to the wedding thing.

    I had intended to send her something but they aren't registered anywhere...they want cash (invite to shower said not registered)...I don't want to just send cash

    I was going to ditto Amanda and Jo until I read this - if they're not even registered anywhere (and you can tell they are just fishing for cash), then I wouldn't go and I wouldn't send anything either.

    image

    image

  • imagerbagsgirl:
    imagexojo1:

    imageMrs.Keith2B:
    If it was me, I wouldn't attend the shower but I would send her a smaller gift off her registry. But, that's just me Smile

    This exactly. I'd rather send a small gift and keep my time for myself in this situation. I would definitely be put off by the whole you can buy me a shower gift, but can't come to the wedding thing.

    I had intended to send her something but they aren't registered anywhere...they want cash (invite to shower said not registered)...I don't want to just send cash

    Yeah, I would be put off by the whole "B" list thing.  I understand it, or at least understand minimizing the guest list, but to go into that much detail to you about it seems tacky.  She could have left the explanation as small venue.  Also, if you are invited to the shower, you should be invited to the wedding, so the shower invite seems gift grabby.  Also, showers are to shower the couple with gifts ... the cash only also puts me off.

    I probably wouldn't go either and I would sent a card w/ a GC to BBB or a Pier One type place.  I wouldn't send them cash.

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  • imageMrsC968:

    imagePaige&Jeff:
    I wouldn't go ... and to be honest I probably wouldn't send a gift either. But I can be evil.

    This was my first thought. If you still want and had planned to send a gift I would send a gift card (BB&B, Target, etc) but not cash or check.

    I don't know. I'm kind of a stickler for etiquette and believe no wedding invite = no shower invite. I find it really rude to invite someone to a shower and not the wedding.

    and ditto this too.

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    image

  • I take back what I said. If you guys weren't good enough to be invited to the wedding AND they're not registered and only looking for money, screw it. Don't go and don't send them anything!
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  • imageMrs.Keith2B:
    I take back what I said. If you guys weren't good enough to be invited to the wedding AND they're not registered and only looking for money, screw it. Don't go and don't send them anything!

    I agree.

    Or you could be really evil (this is the kind of mood I'm in today) and go look for the most gaudy photo frame you can find and send that to their house as a gift without a gift receipt. Hey, if they didn't register for stuff they like, then they run the risk of receiving gifts they don't need or want.

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  • imagefirewife9278:

    imageMrs.Keith2B:
    I take back what I said. If you guys weren't good enough to be invited to the wedding AND they're not registered and only looking for money, screw it. Don't go and don't send them anything!

    I agree.

    Or you could be really evil (this is the kind of mood I'm in today) and go look for the most gaudy photo frame you can find and send that to their house as a gift without a gift receipt. Hey, if they didn't register for stuff they like, then they run the risk of receiving gifts they don't need or want.

    Ohh that is a good one Sarah :) I think I am just going to go the not go and no gift route...i'm totally turned off by the B list thing and the 15 days notice on the shower.  

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