Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Grad school?
Hi all. I am having a really difficult time finding an answer to my current predicament and am hoping you all have some helpful opinions. I am 26 and I'm considering starting grad school in about a month for counseling (would take 2-2 1/2 years). Some of our main concerns are taking out another school loan, wanting kids before I am 30 (more like 28), as well as being able to stay home with a baby for at least a year. I feel very led to pursue a career in counseling,but also really want kids. I feel selfish to want it all, but feel that if I don't go back to school now, it may never happen suggestions on how you would handle this??? Thanks!
Re: Grad school?
I'm completely biased, but grad school was one of the best times of my life. It really set me up professionally and personally for where I am at right now.
There is no reason that you can't have kids at the age of 29 or 32. You don't have to stick to a certain timeline or scripted plan that you have in your head. Real life requires flexibility and adjustments.
Regarding finances, you could post to the Money Matters board and they will give you lots of suggestions for making that work.
Good luck and enjoy.
Hi jennah,
I also am very biased regarding graduate school, but I guess I feel like I could give you some pretty good personal advice. I'm 25 and will be graduating with my Master's in Mental Health Counseling in May. I ended up getting married while still taking courses during the summer (complete fluke as our wedding was planned before the summer courses were set and I had been told it wouldn't conflict). My husband and I have a 6 figure sum in student loans combined but are still able to live financially smart. We also want a child soon but I know several of my classmates during school already had children or were planning them while we were all going through the program. From my experience my first two years have been the most emotionally draining as they were heavily weighted down with coursework and I was working at least a part time job. This final year has been strictly internship which really has not left time for a job but if you did have a child, depending on your placement hours, you could put a child in daycare or work some other sort of child care out. I'm not saying it's the best thing to do to have a child during graduate school, but I know it's possible. I also know that I have loved grad school and love the counseling profession. I hope this helps some!
I didn't even get married before I was 30. I was 32 when dd was born.
You "feel very led" - by whom? Is this what you want, or what someone else wants for you? Over two years is a lot of time (and money) for grad school b/c your mom or boss thinks you would be a great counseor.
I would think that counseling is a career you can balance around children, as long as you set yourself up before you had kids. So I'd do grad school, start my practice, and then have a baby.
Graduate school, if you can afford it, is a great experience. Especially in a field such as counseling, where you really need a graduate degree to practice.
I am a couple of years older than you and currently in a doctorate program. My H and I plan to start having kids while I am in the coursework phase. It will take some juggling, but I've figured the courseload so that I can (theoretically) do both. If not, I take some time off and go back to courses when we're settled. I'm very lucky to be in a flexible program that is built for working professionals and has very open minded faculty. My faculty advisor is supportive and I know he will work with me when the time comes. In addition, I work at the university so I have a tuition benefit that allows me to not need student loans.
So a few questions for you to think about before engaging in the graduate program. I'm wording them fairly directly, but do not mean for you to take them as attacks. When my H and I made the decision for me to move forward into grad school (I also work full-time) we had these conversations. It just takes too much time to write flowery in the morning.
1) Do you need to work and take classes at the same time?
2) Will you realistically be able to pay off the student debt with your anticipated salary post-graduation and are there jobs in your field in your area (or are you willing to move)?
3) Is the program flexible to allow you to take time off or otherwise flexibly schedule should you need to while pregnant?
4) What exactly is your timeline? Is this realistic? For me, it's have baby during sixth semester of coursework. I plan to schedule my "easy" courses that term or otherwise take the term off.
5) Could you wait until after having kids (perhaps when they are in school) to work on your graduate degree? In the meantime, maybe get a job that allows you to work with kids so that you feel fulfilled.
Those are my thoughts. Grad. school is a great opportunity, but it is smart to really think about it in advance (as you are). Best of luck.
Lots of women have their children in their twenties and their careers in their thirties. I built my career and did grad school in my twenties and had my DD at 35. That probably sounds positively ancient to you. But it worked great for me.
It sounds like you are getting a grad degree 'out of the way' and having kids 'out of the way' and planning to stay home at the exact same time student loans are going to need to be paid back. It is a lot and you can try to do it all at the same time ... but you have a WHOLE lot more options.
I'd recommend that you take a deep breath and pace yourself a bit. Right now, I have two employees going to grad school in the fall - one in her early twenties (no kids) and one in her early forties (2 kids). No one said the 40 yo couldn't head back to school. No one said the 24 yo should wait. They did what's right for them.
You should, too. Cherry-picking every ideal option and then rushing to get it all done probalby makes the least sense.
Thanks for all the advice! I have a lot to think about still. I think I may either try to have a baby towards the end of completing the program or waiting until I have the kids and going back once they are a little older.
you know what they say "even the best laid plans........"
why can't you go to school and have a baby at the same time?
here's the thing about kids-you may WANT them but you cannot be guaranteed one. go to grad school then have kids is my vote.
Are you currently working? Do you plan to work while going to grad school?
Because working while attending grad school is tough enough - caring for a newborn/infant while working and attending grad school could easily be more than you can handle.
Yeah, I know that everyone knows someone that did it and graduated with a 4.0. But realistically........you only have so many hours in the day to accomplish everything, and even with that many things to do it's inevitable that something is going to get shortchanged. That life honestly seems like hell on earth to me, you'd never get a second to just relax and enjoy any of it.
But If you are not working and don't plan to work while going to school, what is the plan for paying back those student loans (especially if your plan is to stay out of the workforce after graduation)? Babies cost money; that on top of your student loan payments will be a lot of money going out the door, is your husband ready and able to shoulder all of that by himself?
What is the marketability for a graduate-level counselor with no practical job experience? How much does the length of time between graduating and beginning your career impact that marketability (and let's be honest here......it will impact your career)? Is that something that you're comfortable with?
It's not selfish to want it all, and it's entirely possible to have it all. It's just not possible to have it all at the same time. I personally wanted a career, and I wanted kids. I was well on my way in my career when I began grad school, and I graduated one month before my son was born. I was happy with my 12 week maternity leave, never had any intention of taking more time off than that. You need to be totally honest with yourself and priortize these things, and come up with a realistic plan for accomplishing them.
Oh, and the difference between having a child at 28 and having a child at 30 is minimal. Why the arbitrary deadline of 28? Are you expecting to age drastically in those 2 years?
::shines graduate admissions counselor badge::
These are very real concerns that admissions handles quite often. I suggest that you make an effort to directly contact the program(s) of your choice and learn more about their timeline, structure, costs, etc. This way, you can make an educated decision about a program.
I would say, personally, grad school was the best thing I did. There are just some careers where you NEED the MA/MS in order to move forward with your goals. Counseling is one of them, IMO.
You are not selfish at all
. It is great that you want to continue your education. As far as the money goes, you can make it work somehow. I don't know alot about loans, but I know that my FI took out loans for undergrad and grad school, but while he was still in school, he did not have to pay back anything, and when he finished school, he had 6 months to save before he started having to pay money. He also told me that with many loans, you can set up a payment plan based on your income. This might be different depending on where the loan comes from. His loans were from the government and Sally Mae, but he consolidated his loans so that now he is only paying Sally Mae. Sorry if anything I'm saying is BS, I'm just telling you what I think I've learned about loans. Hopefully this info is helpful in some way.
As for wanting to have a kid while you're in school, more power to ya! My mom is a doctor and she was pregnant with me during her residency. I want to have kids before I'm 30 too, so we may end up trying to get pregnant while I'm in school. It can definitely be done. You said that you want to be able to stay home for a year after the baby is born? What does DH do? I know alot of companies now are starting to grant men paternity leave, so maybe you could split the time up between you and DH? Many grad schools now offer classes for working women such as night classes or even internet classes, so I'm sure you could make it work.
Good luck!
Don't feel bad about wanting it all! It's fine. :-)
I am 24.5 and I am starting grad school in May. It's a four year program so I'll be almost 29 when I finish. I plan on working for a couple of years, moving from our condo to a house and then start fostering kids.
Would a plan like that for you?
I would recommend NOT having a baby during graduate school but that's just me.
If you have concerns about taking out more loans, can you realistically afford payments on them if you aren't working after you have baby anyway?
I can't stand the "I want kids before I'm 30" timeline I see on this forum. To each her own, but why is 30 some magical number of "this is the perfect age to have kids"?
Here's what I did:
I was 29 when I finished grad school and 32 when I had DS. having a few years between the 2 allowed me to build up my career with the MSc under my belt and has led to a great situation for me (working from home, etc) that would not have been possible without the time and energy put into the company.
I would not have done any if I had a baby first.
lay out your timeline, but allow for some flexibility. You never know what life is going to hand you.