Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
s/o remarry
For those of you who do not think you'd seriously date or are unlikely to marry again if something happend to your H, do you have any family who lost a spouse and remarried? Were they older or younger?
I had my aunt who remarried but I also know my great-grandma remarried after her first husband passed away. My great uncle lost his wife and has dated a woman (who we love) for about 5 years but he has not moved past dating her. As a result of not marrying her or living with her, she decided to move to Florida since she can not afford to live in this area on her own. I think now that she moved away he realized what he's lost with her too. I think he didn't want to live with her or marry her bc of his kids (who are all long grown and have their own kids). On my other side, my grandma was a widow for almost 30 years and never remarried although she did date one man for a while. I think everyone handles it differently so I'm just curious about others.
Re: s/o remarry
I know that I certainly would not remarry, but I dating may be a possibility; I mean it wouldn't be out of the question and like I said in pp I wouldn't go out trolling for a man. Jeezz I didn't even do that in my 20's...
My uncle lost his wife of 25+ years about 15 years ago to cancer. She was sick for a very long time and passed leaving him with two grown kids. It took him a long time to get back into living life, I think it was 10 or so years before he even started to be social again. He started volunteering with his local cancer research center doing fund raising and met a really nice woman. At first it was a little weird, but she is so nice, so it's hard to not be happy for him/them. I know that my aunt would have wanted this for him, she would have wanted him to lead a fulfilled life and someone who he can share it with. I know he's never replaced my aunt and loves her deeply still, but he's happy and that makes us all happy for him.
I have an aunt that lost her husband at 55 and she has been dating the same guy for about 10 years (she is about 70 now), but neither of them want to get married.
My godmother lost her husband when she was 45 and she hasn't dated (she is now 60) yet.
I don't know anyone that lost their spouse at a younger age... I think each circumstance is completely different.
| cute shoes make me happy |
One of my HS gf's lost her husband a few years ago to Lou Geherig's disease, it was awful. She got pregnant right before he was diagnosed and had the baby maybe 6mo before he passed. It was truly awful. She is currently dating another guy (and recently had a baby with this guy as well). Personally, I think it was way to fast, she never properly grieved her husband, I don't think she'll ever recover from it. It kind of makes me sad because we really aren't that close any more because of this new guy in her life. She's always out partying and being irresponsible. It makes me really sad for her, I can't imagine what she went and continues to go through every day. She still wears her wedding ring too.
I said that i would date/remarry. But I wanted to add. My grandmother passed away fairly young, at 70. I was 12 so its been 15 years. My grandfather had a few lady friends since and has currently "dated" his current GF for the past 7-8 yrs. She is truly a wonderful women who also lost her husband young. They are not legally married because of financial reasons but consider themselves married, they wear wedding rings and said their own vows to each other at church. She treats us (his grandchildren) like her own and the same for him. She comes from a large italian family. And I have to say her coming into his life was one of the best things- he is a much better/warmer/loving person because of her. He wasn't like that with my grandmother.
My dad and our family were fine with it as soon as they started dating. My aunt had trouble with it, but she has since moved on and gotten over it. As long as he is happy then we are happy. Why should he have to be alone for the rest of his life. Mind you he is 85 yrs old now.
we have this on dh's side - his mother passed 15 years ago,and his father is remarried. FIL's mother dated a lot following her husband's death more than 25 years ago - i think she's even buried a few boyfriends 9dh says it's unlucky to date her - haha!). it's very normal for them, and i'm always happy to see people happy.
i love rblucy's phrase about not living your life mourning someone.
I have no family that has done this.
WIth that said we had close friends of Dh and I who lost their dad. (Close enough that DH has a tattoo on his calf for their father) Within 1 month a "new man" who was apparently their dad's best friend starting coming around. (For a best friend we had never met him, including his daughter who was upset at the time)
That was August 2007 and though they are not "dating" he bought her a brand new car and recently a house. We were very upset by this, I am sure her DH is rollin gin her grave, it caused much tension and many of us friends have left them now due to the mother and her drama and new man.
Navy, would you have been upset had this woman waited a while (like over a year) before she dated?
No. Or if she didn't make comments about this new man like she did. "would never be with him because he is Italian, too short, etc" but good enough to get things from. She was married roughly 30 years when he died SUDDENLY too and apparently had a great marriage, so I think it was very fast.