April 2010 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Surprise. . . looking for some advice
. . . my DH wants to start a family! Eeek! I think I've told you girls before that I want to wait 3-5 years before we start having kids, and to be honest, DH and I have not talked about it much so I thought he was on the same boat. Wrong! We had a huge talk last night about kids, apparently HE has been looked at baby names, and he told me he wants to start soon.
I freaked, but I also feel blessed for his excitement to have a family. So, we talked and I told him I wanted to wait until we had finished school and had moved into a more permanent living situation, at least a year away. So here is my question: how did you girls decide when it would be appropriate to start a family?
~Margaret (and Nick)~
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Re: Surprise. . . looking for some advice
For us we are both out of school and don't have plans to to back for any major degrees or anything we both have a BA. But we do occasionally take a class here or there to polish our skills. But nothing as time consuming as completing a degree.
We just bought our first home which for me was a requirement. I was not going to lug baby gear up 3 flights of stairs to our old apartment and I wanted a place that was ours that we could paint and decorate. I also wanted a yard because that is really important to us to have so our kids can be outside.I'm also glad we didn't move and have a baby right away since we've had so many things to fix and so many random issues with the house solving those things WITH a baby would have been insane.
I guess the final step is jobs. DH wants to find a new job where he makes more money. Right now both of our pay checks are consumed by bills and the house. We don't have extra funds for the large expense that daycare would be. Thats one of our main stopping points at the moment.Either he has to make enough so I can stay home (which I would love) or we have to make enough combined to pay for daycare and cover all the rest of our bills. I will probably also look for a different job, one that is closer to home. When we solve the daycare issue then we will be ready to have kids.
It was a very easy decision for us... I had a physical ache in my heart because I wanted a family sooo very badly. SO we started trying!
Kyle wanted a family too when we started trying...but he also wanted to make sure we were financially ready.
We have a house. We paid off loans. We bought him a new 4 door Jeep wranger. We were set! So the financial and my aching need luckily were at the same time.
It took about 4-5 months to get pregnant
Now we are having a baby boy in june!
omg is he so in love with it?! I got one last May and I'm Jeep for Life now! LOL
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Wow! That is a surprise.
DH and I were on a camping trip last summer when some how the conversation came up. He said he was ready and I had just been thinking about recently. I came to the conclusion that I was ready to be less selfish and give my time/life/money to raising a child. So we decided then on a date and it was such a nice talk. (We were actually hanging out at the beach just floating in the water. I think we both fell more in love with each other that day) We thought we'd start trying at the end of last year, but then took a better look at some things.
Most important was that we have the money, and we feel very confident in that respect. That pushed us back a while though while we really laid things out. Second, I needed to save up the time off work so I could take a full 6 weeks and have some extra in case of any complications. So once we decided that, we picked a cycle and started trying. We're going to commence our 2nd cycle this month (as soon as AF bids adieu)!
EDIT: We also researched day care in our area. We know about how much we'll have to pay and where the cheapest places are located.
We're still renting, but I'm okay with that now. We can't afford to buy a house in a nice area on what we make. Well, we could, but it would wipe out our savings. We had to pick and we both decided that we would not put off having a child over buying a house, it was just too important to us.
I had a similar surprise the other day when DH said (in front of my mother, might I add!!!) that I should keep my current job until "you can take maternity leave, and then leave something after that." Say whaaaaaa? Anyway I understand your feeling!
We used to be of the no-babies-ever school, and now we're considering having a family. If we decide to do so, we will start trying after our 2nd anniversary. We want to do a little more traveling and living ALONE, and we're young enough (as are you) that we're lucky to have some leeway in the biological clock department. It helps that most of our friends are baby-less.... I imagine if they all start procreating we'd be more inspired to do so since we wouldn't have anyone to hang out with anyway.
MY DH wants to start soon as well, but it's on hold till mid 2013. We are working on getting out of our cars and school loans. With the help of our Lord hopefully we will be home owners by the beginning of 2012. I feel the same way EEEEKKKK, I know I am not getting younger. My sister just had a child last year. It cost her 12K just for Gia's 1st year. So, I guess my advice is... it depends on how you look at it. To us it will not be fair to have a child and not be able to fully provide for a baby if we always have to budget ourselves.
Whoa there, are you serious? I would have freaked so much more if DH said that in front of my mom, ha ha.
I am loving this conversation, please anyone else feel free to chime in. I agree with a lot of what you girls are saying: save money, buy a house (with a yard if possible), and wait until we are in a semi-permanent location with good schools.
I think I have a new project though: budgetting for a baby. . . maybe we can take this thing one baby step at a time (hehehe, get the pun)
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Um yeah. We had a few cocktails at the beach so I was able to kind of brush it off as "he's just being silly!!" SLASH prayed my mom was a little buzzed and might forget or think it was a dream
DH and I want to be more secure in our jobs (I'm planning on grad school and DH is *hopefully* getting a new job soon) and we want a house. In order to save up we're thinking a couple of years,. Ideally speaking I'd like to start when I turn 28 and see what happens.
I would be completely SHOCKED if DH told me he wanted to have a baby now. SHOCKED.
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<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="D
Yup! That was me last night :P
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OOO margaret, so exciting!!
I for one, am NOT ready, and neither is DH, so I would probably be the most shocked of all if we decided to have a baby this year or next year. Our plan is to start trying in about a year and a half, since I finally started my new job which gives me the type of schedule I wanted if I was a working mom (which I'm going to be). Plus, we have to really put more cash away to prepare for that, and with the wedding, new home, and renovations to said new home, we had a hard time doing that until recently. So that was our reasoning. I'd hope that by our 3rd wedding anniversary, we'd be expecting....so we'll see.
Ooh how exciting!!
DH and I are both really anxious to start our family. But, we know that we have to get some things in order before we can do that. First was to buy a house, which we did in August. We also wanted to go back to school for our Master's before we started thinking about a family - we're in process now of working on our degrees and we anticipate having our degree by next summer. So, now we're just trying to save some money - enough to cover expenses while I'm out on maternity leave and for initial baby 'set-up' costs - and I'm trying to bank as much vacation/sick time as I can, and we're working on paying off a few more bills so that we'll be able to afford paying for childcare. As anxious as we are, I know we have to get our finances in order before starting to try.
My DH was ready pretty much the day after I do....But we also wanted to have our "ducks in a row". We plan to start trying in May...two months away!! EEEKKK....is so exciting and scary to say all at the same time!!
This was basically our check list....
We own a house, check!
We have reached our baby savings account goal (minimum...$5,000) check!
We are both done with college, check! (Minimum BA..I don't mind going back for my Masters later...)
We can (if necessary) live on one pay check, check!
We wanted to go on one last big vacation (Alaska May 2011), check!
The only big check we are missing is for me to find my dream job, if I had that we would have started months ago....
Funny to see this post at the top of the threads my first day back....to put it mildly, DH had baby brain BAD. He and his friends are five years older than me, and their wives have been popping them out left and right, whereas I only have one good friend with a baby. I was happy to wait a few more years, do some more traveling, get more established in my career, etc, but he really wanted to get started, especially so that he can still be relatively young when we have a second one if we decide to do that later on down the line.
And...boom! Prego on the FIRST try. I knew the gals in my family are fertile, but geez. I'm excited, but also apprehensive, a baby redefines the word responsibility. Fortunately we do own our home, have no cars, only low-interest student debt. As for the travel, we just got back from a trip to Puerto Rico where I went ziplining and jetskiing not knowing I was pregnant. I guess I can't be surprised if he/she comes out a daredevil!
wow! That's really sweet! I love it when DH says to me "what do you think of this name..." etc etc.
DH and I prior to the wedding expected to TTC at our 1 year anniversary; however I began a masters of social work program in the fall (kind of last minute). Sooooo looks like we're going to be waiting. I sometimes get the urge to have a baby (partly because it's baby central all around me...MOH, boss, high school friends are preggo). I know that deep down I am not ready...emotionally, physically etc etc.
Our hope is to have DH get a job that pays more so that I can go to part time once we're ready to have a baby. With my MSW I can be working PT as a social worker or therapist and bring in just as much as I make with my BS working FT.
One other thing that DH and I are concerned about is our health. I am overweight to put it mildly and I know this will cause complications. Soooo by the time I am done with grad school I hope to be a smaller person (2013).
Good luck with your planning process!
This is a tough one because I am the irrational one and DH has the head on his shoulders. All I've wanted ALLL my life was to be a mom. Like, when you asked me as a kid what I was going to be? A teacher and a mom.
DH cannot wait to have kids either. But he says (and I know, but am willing to roll with the punches) that we NEED a bigger house. He told me that once we save up enough for a DP (almost there!) and buy a house of our own, we can start trying right away.
So I'd say sometime this year, maybe this summer.
Holy Moly! What a surprise for sure!
We made the decision on our honeymoon to start trying this fall. So I think we are going to stick to it. With a few remodel things happening we won't have as much saved up as we'd like but we are working on it. And who knows when we'll get pregnant since we aren't as young....
My advice...stalk the Getting Pregnant board. You'll learn a lot of stuff in a short amount of time!
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