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FILs
MY future inlaws, seem to like my FI ex wife more than they like us. Does anyone else feel the same way, or am I just being dramatic? An example of why I feel this way.....
She just went and stayed the weekend at his ex's house, but she has never came to stay with us. She has actually only visitied us once. We do live 2 hours away from her, but they went to the beach a couple weeks ago. Tehy have to come through here to go there or come back, but did not stop by.
I keep telling my self it has to do with their children together. But it really hurts my feelings, and I can tell it bothers him a little, that they ( mostly his mom) will go out of her way to visit her, but will not come see us.
I just really do not know what to do about this, if there is anything to do?
Re: FILs
The fact that there are kids involved, really.... you don't see what's going on? I doubt it's that they "like her" more than you. it's that they want to see their grandchild(ren).
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Yes she does have primary custody.
I am I agree she does want to see her grandchildren.
But my question is what about her son?
Also, do you all invite them to stay w/ you? Or how often do you go see them?
lastly, your FI is an adult. I think their priority to see their grandkids and form a bond there is actually more important in this scenario. Especially as their parents are divorced.
I see my parents a TON more now that we have DS. A TON. And I know fully well it's because of DS. And that's fine! We have a good relationship and I don't "need" for them to see me a ton if DS weren't in the picture.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I honestly do not know what their relationship was before he had kids. I know we go and see them everytime we are in town, or when we have to pick them up in our hometown we tend to stop by there. And we always invite them down, but they never do, even when they are in our area.
I guess it is just hard to understand, because my parents come down at least once a month to visit us. And I do not see why his parents never come down, yet they would drive 3 hours to see the children and her.
First - don't compare his parents to yours. Not fair to any of them. being "parents" doesn't make them robots that all behave exactly the same.
Second - ask your DH what his relationship was like before! If (IF) he was never all that close and if they never visited before, I'm not seeing why he would expect that to be different now.
I also just reread your OP. Yes, I think you're being overly dramatic and I actually think this is a jealousy thing on your part. You're making this about the EX. You're refusing to see that this isn't about her. they aren't going to see HER. They are going to see their grandchilden.
You say your feelings are really hurt, but then you say you can "tell" that it bothers your DH a little. Does it? Do you really KNOW this? Or are you just assigning this to him because you think it should bother him?
This is why I think this is about you being jealous of his ex and you're making this into something it isn't.
I'm even going to go a step further here because there is something else missing from this post - do the kids ever come and stay w/ you all? And if so, how often? The lack of mention of this is making me wonder if they are ever w/ you all. And if they aren't, I wonder if this might be playing a role in his parents actions - they may be upset/ angry that their son wouldn't fight and want to spend more time w/ his own kids....
I may be off the mark on that, and if I am, I apologize. But ultimately, my point is you need to step back and look at the bigger picture of the situation and what might be driving his parents.
And you HAVE to get off of this "they like her better than me" bit because that is NOT what this is about, and you're only going to make things worse if you refuse to realize and understand that it's their grandchildren that are so important to them.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
We get them every other week. So we do have them often. That is why I asked if I was being overdramatic, because of my feelings towards the ex. He hasnt said that is bothered him, but he has told me that his mom is living vicariously through her and thier situation, so I guess take that as you want. And I never said she wasnt a good person, we have hung out before. Its just she did some not so nice things to him in the past, and me too. But here recently things have gotten better. I know it is wrong of me to compare parents, but I can't help it sometimes, its kind of a shock to me.