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Overwhelmed, and I don't know where to start
I just broke off my engagement last Thursday, and it's only been within the last month that we finally got most everything unpacked and settled into our house. I'm now faced with the task of re-packing everything while cleaning the neglected house (it was not an amicable breakup, and I have a restraining order against him).
Because of the fighting over the last month, basic cleaning has been neglected, and it looks like a bomb went off in most rooms. I'm emotionally drained, but with the current state of my house, I refuse to let friends or family come over to help pack/clean because I'm normally a type-A neat freak, and I'm EMBARRASSED by the house.
Help me, cleaning gurus! The house is only 1200 sqft, but the kitchen is exploding with dishes, I'm out of clean clothes, my office looks like a garbage dump as I've been brooding over my broken engagement in there, and I haven't been in the bedroom, guest room, or basement since I kicked X-FI out.
Re: Overwhelmed, and I don't know where to start
That's really rough. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Can you financially swing hiring a maid service?
For the office get bins, boxes or baskets and label them: 'junk mail', 'bills' etc... and start sorting through all the paper into the boxes. Take the throw away stuff with any financial or personal information to be shredded.
Sort the laundry (make sure to have a bin or basket for donations in case you run across anything you don't want anymore) Get all the dishes stacked so the sink is empty so it's easier to wash them/load the dishwasher. Once the surface clutter is gone the rest will be a lot easier.
so sorry for you. take small steps. clean one or two small areas and as you see the improvement you will be motivated to tackle other small areas. washing dishes is easy, put on some good music, and have fun. i would save teh packin go f engagemtnet things for last.
maybe go out and buy paper plates to use for the next month will make things easier. Be strong and take steps to move on. you will get through this and come out stronger
You can do what I'm doing. One major cleaning thing every two days or so. Half an hr a day picking up/packing. I still have a LOT of DH's stuff all around the house and feel the need to pack a lot of it up. A little at a time, and eventually you'll be back to a good normal.
GL and sorry to hear about your engagement.
If you can find your masking tape or yarn or something, mark out a manageable area in one room, like 5 feet by 5 feet. When you get a square done, sit in it for a minute, and feel empowered because you'll have made progress, and achievement feels good, even if only in little victories. One 5x5 a night for a week will be 175 sq ft, if you wanted to do two, you'll have cleared more than 25% of your house. Keep reminding yourself that you are wonderful and always stronger than you think.
I am sorry to hear about your circumstances and can imagine how drained you are feeling. I would say a) don't be too emarrassed to accept the help. If this is not "typical" your family & friends (whom I trust know what is going on given how serious the situation sounds) will understand and are most likely eager to help you in some way, shape, or form! I know so many people that pound through the dishes and seem to enjoy it much more than I do
Maybe you could pick a few that get a along with each other and have a little "spring cleaning/packing party" complete with your favorite comfort foods or yummy treats (you can always serve on disposable stuff or grab a bite out before/after), good music, and, if it is nice enough, fresh air coming in the windows or sliding door. Otherwise, pp idea of cleaning service might be okay except I know a lot won't do things like laundry and picking up so you might still have work to do before they come.
If you really can't stand the thought of anyone seeing your place, I say pick what is bugging you the most - laundry? the kitchen? and start there. Actually, you can probably tackle both at once. You can even use boxes to sort the laundry or make piles on the floor, and then just start doing it...set the timer for however long the wash cycle is and during that time work on the kitchen. When ours is out of control it goes something like this: go around and throw out all obvious trash/food scraps, and take out recycling. Empty sink so I have a workable area and if possible, put the drainer up on the counter so I have to sinks (one to soak if needed, one to wash and rinse). Do you have a dishwasher? Load up what can go in there and get it going. If you are packing all this up once dry, you can just have a "packing station" nearby with the packing paper/wrap and boxes and as they dry put them into boxes right away (just make sure they are really dry). As you make progress, you will feel more confident and I really get into it then
After you get through the dishes, pull out any bad food and wash any containers from fridge. Then wipe out the fridge, clean the counters and sink, and front of appliances.
Use each time the buzzer goes off as a quick break to change the laundry and focus on what you have gotten done! Maybe have a chocolate or something small that you enjoy as a reward. I love checklists to feel like I have gotten things done. If you are packing your clothes, just fold it and put directly into boxes (maybe have a basket set aside for what you will be keeping out).
After laundry & kitchen, I like to do bathrooms as a clean bathroom always makes me feel better and makes showering/taking a bath more inviting at the end of a day of clean up. I would then pick the bedroom or guestroom (which ever you prefer to stay in). Do a bit each night, and in no time you will have it back in order. You can do it!
Start by hiring a cleaning service. If you are overwhelmed, they can really be of great service to you. Make sure you leave them instructions as to what to do with stacks of papers, throw away or don't throw away. My crew will only put them in neat piles on the desk or counter, but you choose how you want to handle this.
Find a cleaning service that will do laundry for you. It is a lot easier to put it away yourself once it is washed and folded or you could just load it up and take it to the laundromat and get it all done at once.
Really sweetie, if you are still in the grieving process a cleaning service is the way to go if you can afford it.
It will be easier to pack things once you have the out of control back in control and you will feel much better. Hire that service.
I filled the recycling cart, and took out 2 trash bags. I feel good about it!
My Home Bio
First of all, congrats on NOT getting married. I know that sounds awful, but I always say it's better to be alone than it is to be with the wrong person. I'd much rather be single my whole life than divorced. I know it sucks right now, but when you look back ten years from now, you'll be glad you didn't stay with him.
Anyway, to avoid getting overwhelmed, I say set a timer for 15 or 20 minutes. That's a short enough time that almost anyone can clean during that amount of time without getting exhausted.
Then, do nothing but clean for 15 minutes. If you don't know where to start, empty your trash cans, and start on the dishes.
When you are done at the 15 minute mark, step back and take a look at what you've done. You'll be happy with it, and it might even motivate you to keep going. If not, just set the timer again for another 15 minutes the next day. If nothing else, it will keep it from getting worse.
You'll be back to normal soon enough. Having a clean and cozy home will help get you there. I agree that it's ok to order take out, eat off paper plates, and take your laundry to a cleaning service until you are strong enough to handle it on your own. A maid isn't a bad idea either, depending on how bad it is. For general cleaning, I'd hire a maid, but if you're disorganized, that's a different story.
Also, it might help if you redecorate a bit. When you make it your own instead of "ours" it will inspire you to take care of it.
Sometimes buying new cleaning products can be inspiring too.
Take it easy and take it one step at a time.
given the situation you are in, i would say that the less stress you have the better...do the dishes and the laundry and pack up your stuff. Then hire a cleaning company (something like molly maids) to come in and clean. It should only cost you $50-$80 to have it done.
I hope by "packing his things" you mean you're just stuffing them into boxes and trash bags...
Along with what pp said if you can't afford a cleaning service see if a friend would come over for a 'purge party'. I know, it's embarrassing but if you have a good friend who wouldn't care, order pizza, open a bottle of wine and have boxes ready.
Good luck and know that in the end you will get through all of this!