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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Social skills question
I need help ladies. How social are your children? If they were shy, did they grow out of it? Ava is painfully shy to the point where it's hard to watch sometimes. I've signed her up for gymnastics...this seemed to help her a tiny bit but now she appears to be regressing...she literally becomes mute, with adults or kids, even people she knows like my cousin's kids. She won;t answer questions, or interact with anyone. The other girls in her class ignore her now. She won;t talk to kids on the playground. I've become one of those Mom's that has to defend her, and soemtimes it can get heated when other parents make comments. I can't afford to sign her up for numerous classes...besides the playground is there anything else that I could take her to? I just don;t know what to do...I try to "encourage" more socialization...not force her, but it only makes her more uncomfortable. I don;t want her to go through what my husband did and I don;t want her to be like him...any social situation is torture for him. We have no "couple friends" because he can't handle being ion any sort of social situation. I don;t know what to do ladies...and i'm really worried about it 
Re: Social skills question
Hey Danielle! My kids are very unlike me - they are all very social. I was very quiet all through middle & high school, and I still am pretty quiet/unsocial in certain situations.
As far as other things you could take her to that aren't crazy expensive: DH takes DS to story time at Warwick Library, Cranston Library, and also Barnes & Noble. DS is pretty social and when I come home he'll tell me about the friends he met. You could also try to get some children's museum passes (they used to have them at the Cranston Library) and take her there to have some interaction with other kids.
Have you talked to her pediatrician about this? I would definitely mention it at her next appointment. Then again, that probably isn't until she turns 4, so I would recommend making an appt. specifically for this.
Is she going to pre-school in the fall? That may be a good way to get her out of her shell too.
It typically takes Shannon about a half hour to get comfortable enough to talk to others or to go out and explore on her own. I haven't pushed at all, since she *does* open up as long as people initially give her space. We get to places early so that she can get comfortable with her surroundings. Except for my mom, sister and brother-in-law, she really does appear shy when she first sees someone.
We intend to start bringing her back to her Teamworks class (took a break over the winter for potty training and just because it was a difficult time for me to get both kids out of the house on my own). She started being much more "social" when she was doing her class.
Good luck, Danielle.
PS -- How does Ava like OSSG? Who's her coach? I'd love to take Shannon there, but that's a bit of a hike for me, at least for now.
DD went through similar stages, was very shy, then a bit better, then shy again and not she is much better (but can still be shy at times). I found when she went to preschool she got so much better, mor eend of 1st yaer and mostly into her 2nd year. She was very shy in ballet and was pretty shy in gymnastics until now. Which by the way is the same place you take DD.
When does your DD go? I just asked DD and she said I think so and maybe her age, but that could mean she is not in her class and no way near the same age. lol Is your DD around same age as mine (4 1/2)? (sorry, I forget). If they are in the same class I can ask her to try and talk to her a bit when tehy can between doing things. DO you go up to OSSG from Warwick to? I thought I was the only one? :-)
Basically, I have found preschool to have been teh big thing to have opened her up and be more social, as much as she can be i think. I am shy in general and can understand the initial sense of everyhthing, but to have the issues like your DH is something I would worry about too. Maybe your pedi would have some suggestions too. It is hard, but even taking her to random places like playgrounds where she can meet other kids might help.
Thanks guys. Maybe i'm overreacting a little, I don't know. I'm just concerned because I hate to see her so uncomfortable. She'll be starting preschool this year in the fall, so I know that will probably help alot. But I just need to do something to try to make things better before then. Maybe with the nicer weather around the corner we'll be able to get out more and socialize. I also wish desperately that she had a sibling...not that all only childfren are shy (I know that's NOT true!), but I think it would just give her more opportunities to play and interact with other children. Oh well...
Ava goes to OSSG, and yes, we do go there from Warwick! But my parents live closeby in Cumberland so we're always up that way anyway. Ava is three, but she's in a preschool class where most of the kids are 4 and 5. We went today at 2:30. We used to go to the Peewee class on Fridays at 1:30. What's your daughter's name?
I know i'm hardly ever on here, but I am on Facebook. If there are any playdates planned, please let me know on FB...I would love to come with Ava if it's one of my days off! Thanks again everyone!
I can't tell you anything as a mom (Liza is still so little, but does need her space at first. She hates when people are all up in her face), but I can tell you as a teacher that I think it's okay. I would mention your concern at your next doctors appointment, but I don't think there is anything to worry about.
Preschool will help, I am sure. She will learn and grow socially and emotionally so much in the next year or so. I bet that at home or in other places that she is comfortable and feels safe that she is a different kid. If that is the case, then I wouldn't worry. Maybe you can have a tlak with her teacher and ask her to help build up Ava's confidence at school. Sometimes it is also best to pretend that she isn't so shy or nervous-don't point it out or make a huge deal. I also think it is okay to say something to the other kids like, "Ava doesn't always feel like talking and sometimes she likes to play alone, but that is okay because she is still a smart/wonderfu, etc. girl."
Sorry, I'm not too much of a help, but i think she is young still and just might take a little longer to develop enough confidence to display strong social skills.
Here is a limk that you might find helpful/interesting.
http://psychology.about.com/od/psychosocialtheories/a/initiative-versus-guilt.htm
Good luck & don't worry!! You don't want her to feel like being shy is wrong or something to be ashamed of
funny...we go there b/c my parents, well now just my mom, lives in greenville so they started taking her there the days they have her. I take her during vacations and summer. She goes on thurs mornings, but when does makeups, like in may will have a couple w/ my mom, she will go om Mon afternoons. her name is paige. Paige was the exact same way at gymnstics when she was the younger of the group, still is quiet (ish) depending on who is in her group. Also, she is an only child too (so was i). Sometime i think it makes a difference, but then i see kids with siblings who i work with and they are just as shy or worse- so i truly don't believe thhat is a cause completely. i also see only children who are so social, a little too much sometimes. ha. So, honestly, try not to worry too much right now, although i know i did at the same age too. but watch her as preschool starts, but remember she might not become social right away. like i said before, it took paige until the end of the year, i would say even this year to become more social. i would even say she is getting better now, before she wouldn't answer waitresses or certain people when i know them, but now she will so much more often. i am actually surprised more and more each day by how social she is, like today when i had to take her to my school for an hour. She was chatting with some teachers, who she would never have in Sept.
oh, and maybe they'll be in the same summer class at ossg... if you do summers there.
No kids of my own, but for a while my nephew was shy to the point where he wouldn't use playground equipment if other kids were there, and if they came over he'd run to his mom. He has definitely grown out of it, though he's still shy. This was when he was about three.
I was always painfully shy growing up but had a few close friends I was comfortable with. I've grown out of it a bit too :-)
Anyway, not sure if that helps at all, but maybe if it doesn't seem like a "phase", it'd be good to ask her doctor?