I realized something sad

hannikan · March 2011

Since FIL died, if we have a child, he/she will not have a grandfather. My dad died 6 years ago. That makes me really sad. Grandpas are so special. It's not the same to have two grandmas.

EmmieB · March 2011

Oh, that is sad. Maybe volunteering at a senior center and "adopting" a grandfather will help?

rori11 · March 2011

EmmieB:
Oh, that is sad. Maybe volunteering at a senior center and "adopting" a grandfather will help?

I didn't have grandparents at all. However, we ended up adopting my Grandma and Grampa and really, they were my grandparents. I couldn't have been luckier having them in my life - biological or not.

hannikan · March 2011

Yeah that's an idea. DH is also very close to a couple of his uncles. Maybe they could stand in so to speak. FIL would have been such fun to have as a grandpa. He would have loved it. My dad would have too, in a quieter way.

rori11 · March 2011

hannikan:
Yeah that's an idea. DH is also very close to a couple of his uncles. Maybe they could stand in so to speak. FIL would have been such fun to have as a grandpa. He would have loved it. My dad would have too, in a quieter way.

I didn't mean my last response to be so dismissive (I just re read it). It does stink not having grandparents alive and it's a valid thing to be sad about. I think you are on the right path though. At the end of the day it's just about having family (and friends!) around that support and love your children.

hannikan · March 2011

rori11:

I didn't mean my last response to be so dismissive (I just re read it). It does stink not having grandparents alive and it's a valid thing to be sad about. I think you are on the right path though. At the end of the day it's just about having family (and friends!) around that support and love your children.

Oh, I didn't think it was dismissive at all. I'm sorry that you didn't grow up with bio grandparents but I'm glad you had the next best thing and they were very special. It's true it is about having loving family and friends. In fact DH's "uncles" are not bio uncles, they are family friends that they think of as uncles.

m&m&a7217 · March 2011

That is very sad. I'm sorry for your loss! My mom died before I even got married but our kids "know" her "well" since we always talk about her, show them pictures of her, home videos, etc. Its not the same as the person in body - but it does help.

annaandersen · March 2011

That is sad, my favorite memories are with my papa. Grandma's are good, too

I miss my gma's...

hannikan · March 2011

m&m&a7217:
That is very sad. I'm sorry for your loss! My mom died before I even got married but our kids "know" her "well" since we always talk about her, show them pictures of her, home videos, etc. Its not the same as the person in body - but it does help.

Thank you. Both our dads died of cancer. Mine died before we married, too. He died 2 weeks after we got engaged. FIL passed away a couple of weeks ago. I "knew" my mom's dad only though photos and stories. He died when I was 2 and I do not remember him but I feel like I do. I'm sure we would do that with those who have passed, too.

MommySteph2009 · March 2011

I'm sorry H, that is sad. I had 1 growing up, but saw him infrequently. It is a special bond, my DS loves his Papa. My brother is in the same boat, without our father in the picture, and SIL's father passed.

wldktz10 · March 2011

That is very sad. Left Hug

You can always keep your eyes peeled for those of the older generation who you feel a special connection to. My granny is a godmother to several children where she lives because she became friends with a lot of people who were much younger than her, but the plus side was that now they have a grandmother who will spoil them.

secretkeeper321 · March 2011

I grew up with only one biological Grandparent...my Mom's Mom.

One Grandfather passed before my parents even met and the other passed when I was too young to remember. My Dad's Mom passed away 5 days before I was born and I'm named after her. (Thank you Grandma because my folks' other choice definitely doesn't fit me, lol.)

Anyways....the point is...although I wish I had more Grandparents alive throughout my life, I feel lucky and blessed to have the Grandma I had well into adulthood. I also am lucky enough to have a lot of other relatives that love me, spoiled me a bit growing up and continue (if they are still with us) to be supportive of my life and now spoil my little one. My Great Aunts and Great Uncles were all sort of serrogate Grandparents to me.

I feel like I "know" the Grandparents that were gone before I could really know them because I was ALWAYS surrounded by stories and pictures of them. Many times my Mom or Grandma would say...your Grandpa would be sooo proud of you doing X, he loved X. Or, your Grandma K would get a kick out of you. (I was quite the handful growing up.) I am fully versed in their life stories because my parents made it a priority to pass those amazing treasures down to my brother and I. My Mom said that she was always more sad that my Grandpa didn't get to know us kids.

I am so sorry that your Dads are gone. Nothing I can say can help that. As for your future children...you can include those that have passed in your family stories, pictures and traditions. It will make a difference.

Anyways...sorry that was so long winded...I just kept typing, lol.

hannikan · March 2011

Yeah, my parents did tell us about our grandpa who died young and that he would be proud of x, y, z. My grandparents even did that regarding my great-grandparents. I guess the other thing that makes me sad is that neither of our fathers were grandpas to anyone. That's esp sad with FIL because he would have reveled in being a grandpa. It makes me feel that I wish we'd been able to have a child sooner so that he could have been one at least a for a little while. We're the oldest of our siblings (none of whom are married or have kids). So none of our siblings' children will have a grandpa from their side of the family.

pink.dutch.tulips · March 2011

i grew up w/out mine simply b/c we lived on the oppsite coast from them and they rarely visited. this whole involved grandparent thing is VERY VERY new to me now that i've got dd.

i get how grandparents are special but i don't really GET IT since i have absolutely no frame of reference to it from personal experience. dd's very lucky to have a very involved grammie and my step dad ... my dad Huh? so to me even ONE involved grandparent is something to get excited over !

MegMcGraw · March 2011

Sorry to pop in out of no where after not posting for the last three months or more but I have an opinion on this one.

Both of my grandpas died before I was born and it was a matter of, if you never had it, you don't miss it. It never seemed out of the ordinary for me to not have grandpas and I have never found myself wondering what it would be like if I did have them. To me, having two grandmas was normal and just fine with me.

It's probably not something to stress too much about since what your child grows up with will be normal to them. They will really only miss something they had that is taken/lost.

angelabbf · March 2011

I'm so sorry...

Is there someone (an uncle, perhaps) that could take that role?

hannikan · March 2011

pink.dutch.tulips:
i grew up w/out mine simply b/c we lived on the oppsite coast from them and they rarely visited. this whole involved grandparent thing is VERY VERY new to me now that i've got dd.

i get how grandparents are special but i don't really GET IT since i have absolutely no frame of reference to it from personal experience. dd's very lucky to have a very involved grammie and my step dad ... my dad so to me even ONE involved grandparent is something to get excited over !

That's how I am about sisters (I have none), aunts/uncles and cousins. I have only one first cousin (my mom's sister's daughter). And her mother and my mom have been estranged all my life. So I never had a close relationship with my cousin or my only aunt. I did have stand ins though in my dad's cousins (who were aunts/uncles to me) and their children (my 2nd cousins). It still wasn't quite the same though because biologically we were not as close as they were to their 1st cousins. Also they didn't live close after we were children so I didn't see them much. My one grandma lived far away but we wrote letters and talked on the phone and saw her once a year. I felt closer to her than to my grandma who lived closer actually.

hannikan · March 2011

MegMcGraw:
Sorry to pop in out of no where after not posting for the last three months or more but I have an opinion on this one.
Both of my grandpas died before I was born and it was a matter of, if you never had it, you don't miss it. It never seemed out of the ordinary for me to not have grandpas and I have never found myself wondering what it would be like if I did have them. To me, having two grandmas was normal and just fine with me.
It's probably not something to stress too much about since what your child grows up with will be normal to them. They will really only miss something they had that is taken/lost.

Hi! It's not that I'm stressed about it and I know they won't know what they're missing (except that other children they know will have grandpas). I always was a little jealous of kids with close cousins, for example. I think it makes me sadder that our dads never got to be grandfathers though.

MegMcGraw · March 2011

hannikan:
MegMcGraw:
Sorry to pop in out of no where after not posting for the last three months or more but I have an opinion on this one.
Both of my grandpas died before I was born and it was a matter of, if you never had it, you don't miss it. It never seemed out of the ordinary for me to not have grandpas and I have never found myself wondering what it would be like if I did have them. To me, having two grandmas was normal and just fine with me.
It's probably not something to stress too much about since what your child grows up with will be normal to them. They will really only miss something they had that is taken/lost.
Hi! It's not that I'm stressed about it and I know they won't know what they're missing (except that other children they know will have grandpas). I always was a little jealous of kids with close cousins, for example. I think it makes me sadder that our dads never got to be grandfathers though.

That's definitely understandable. Left Hug

I realized something sad

Re: I realized something sad

Choose Another Board

Search Boards