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Open letter
We haven't done one of these in a long time!
Dear Doctor Whateveryournameis in NY,
Thanks a ton for prescribing my husband that "antianxiety medication" two years ago. How thrilling it was to find out that said medication reacts badly with his current antidepressant. Maybe we should have researched it ourselves, but isn't it YOUR JOB to know these things so we don't have to? Thank goodness my husband has developed such bad sleeping probloems that he has seen three doctors in the last two weeks. Otherwise your blunder may have continued to go undiscovered. Anyway, thanks for the drama, sleep condition, and newly discovered "elevated liver enzymes." You're just a peach.
Sincerely, Woman who didn't go to med school but would like to cut you
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Dear ALL teenage boys who wear skinny jeans,
Inappropriate. Just inappropriate. Just because your girlfriend look cute in jeggings doesn't mean you should adopt this trend for yourself. The shape of the male body isn't nearly as attractive as the shape of a female body, so skin tight pants are not for you. Accept it & movie on. If I can see your balls, you need new pants.
Yours truly, Disgusted
PS- Also, what's with the hair straightening? When did feminine males become "attractive?"
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Dear husband,
Thanks for getting a haircut & shaving the caveman beard. It was a funny look for awhile, but I was so surprised & happy to see your face yesterday. Cute cute cute. I may have to jump you later.
Love, Wife. 
ten-tenners' may siggy: me & mama on my wedding day
What's LittleMissNewlywed Cooking?
Re: Open letter
I was just thinking earlier today that we had not done one of these in a long time and needed to do it! Anyways...
Dear Pain in the ass Brother,
Can you find a house already and move out? It has almost been a year! I know you are finally paying rent, but you are using all the new stuff we got from the wedding and that we have bought ourselves and have successfully ruined some of it. I am NOT happy!
Sincerely,
Your Sister who is about to strangle you
Dear Husband,
Please come home soon. These constant business trips have been too much lately. I miss you...
Love,
Your Wife who misses you very much
Dear Spring Break,
Get here already! My students and myself would very much enjoy the break! Thank you!
From,
Our Very Tired Students and Teachers
Dear Two Faced B!thches,
You suck. I know that you are still bad mouthing me and I still have done nothing wrong, keep it up, you are just making yourself look like an idiot and pushing us further and further away. Being an @ss face isn't going to get you anywhere.
Thanks,
The girl that wants to punch you
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Dear Everyone,
Please order from my toy party, I really want a We Vibe and don't want to pay a fortune for it, and I really want some other goodies, but don't need to go broke in the process. If you want to order go to www.pieceofpassion.com and when you place an order put in my name: Ashlee. TIA, you are all amazing!
Love,
Sex Toy Goddess
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Dear Cows,
Please have a baby while I am doing chores tonight, I need something to cheer my up and that would do the trick.
Love,
Your non-bovine Mom
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Dear House,
Please do all the cleaning and cooking for party tomorrow while I lay on the couch because I am tired and don't want to do anything. I know that you are pretty much clean and the food will be easy but I just have no motivation.
Thanks,
The lazy homeowner
Dear Ashlee,
You're awesome & b!tches be crazy. Keep your chin up pretty lady!
Love, Sara (and the rest of the Nesties)
ten-tenners' may siggy: me & mama on my wedding day
What's LittleMissNewlywed Cooking?
Dear Heathbar10210 -
Avada Kedavra your brother's ass out of there or accept that you're living in a self created situation that will not change until you or your husband grow a pair and take charge of your own home and life.
Sincerely -
LVoldemort
There are extenuating circumstances that you do not know about. He is moving out...just needs to find a place.
No, "moving out" means "has a place to go, a date is set, and arrangements are made," not "needs to find a place."
In fact, "needs to find a place" means "still lives in our place."
It only takes a quick look through your posts to see that you let him move in because you thought you would monetarily benefit from it in some way, but that never materialized and you grew bitter. He's using you, you keep allowing it to happen, and then you complain about it. I'll hazard a guess that the ladies on this board are far too nice to point that out. Or, they are afraid that upsetting you would result in an additional 100 posts a day about how distraught you are.
Dear Headache,
Go away. I don't have time for you and I am rapidly approaching the max number of ibruprofens I can take in a day.
Thanks,
The body attached to the aching head
Dear Heathbar,
I have to say I agree with Voldy on the brother situation. I know it is easy to give advice and harder to take it, but your brother has been mooching for far too long and you need to do something about it and quit enabling. I think you would get a boardwide round of applause when you kick him out.
-Concerned nestie friend
Dear Sara,
Thank you again for the dress. Now I just have to get moving and exercising so that it looks almost as good on me as it did on you in your e-pics.
Allie
Dear Jason,
Thank you for flipping the mattress today when I was at work. My back has been killing me and I'm really hoping that makes it feel better. Youre the best.
Love,
Your wife
Dear Orioles,
I am now going to two Orioles games in the same weekend in April, if you could win some games this year, that would make it so much better. Jason loves you which makes me want to love you, but after last season it's hard, so let's win some, boys!
Love,
Your hopeful fan
Ugh, stupid internet.
Dear Apple Valley Creamery,
Please keep making mocha milk, it is so absolutely amazing and should not be a seasonal item...I'll have to try your orange milk but it can not be as amazing...the chocolate is good but still not as good...
Sincerely,
addicted to mocha milk
Dear State Budget/governor,
I know it's difficult to rearrange yourself, but find more money for education by cutting other bull or cut PSSA tests! We can not afford to be in a 3.4 million deficit and our tax payers are cheap and will never vote for the increase even if it is an average of $234 per year...Our district is looking at cutting all arts, business and athletic programs. This will lead to higher drop outs, behavior issues, drug use and suicides...yeah that's just what we want for our future. Oh and also we'd have to cut kindergarten-that's really going to help us with test scores and make your Commonwealth look wonderful.
Sincerely,
a teacher concerned about our future
Dear ear,
Start feeling better I don't want to use sick time...
Dear Kidney--
ENOUGH with the effing infections already! We were getting along so well for several months, and then BAM, you hit me with three back to back. Time to go back into hibernation where you belong.
Thanks,
Your host who just wants to be the normal girl who doesn't have to think about her internal organs
Dear Stepdaughter and Step Son-in-law--
Congratulations on your stepdaughter(hers)/daughter(his)'s new baby...he's gorgeous!!
Sincerely,
Your favorite stepmom
Dear Water--
I know you're important to my hydration needs and all, but couldn't you arrange to taste just a little bit like soda?
Yours Truly,
Drinking enough to drown a camel, but not so much that it further compromises my kidneys
Dear Mother and Sister--
We need a margarita night! Let's get that in the planning stages.
Love,
Me
Dear my favorite of Ron's clients--
I hate that you're not going to be writing your books any more and that means we won't see you as much. I hate that you have that stupid tumor behind your eye. I hate that you're sounding progressively more confused. Most of all, I hate the indignity of hearing a woman who can run intellectual circles around me reduced to the status of a small child around her loved ones. I know you're 83 years old, but you're like another Grandma to me. Could you kindly arrange to live forever?
Thanks,
Someone who will never forget you
Dear Hubby...
I miss you. This whole school and work thing is really cutting into our "us" time. I know it's to better our life, but it just sucks sometimes. *sigh*
Dear Ovaries...
Please start working properly. We've recently decided that kids should be in our future, but without you girls working it's never going to happen. You have a little while to get things figured out because Hubby and I are waiting just a little longer before trying.
Dear Husband-
Thank you for only wanting the best for me. Thank you for never saying no when I give you the puppy dog eyes when I want something. But please- learn to put your clothes in the dirty hamper and your used klenix in the trash can. I'm tired of cleaning up both.
Love,
Your spoiled housekeeper wife
Dear new job-
Please stop making me hate you everyday.
Thanks-
Me
Dear Xan,
Please learn how to use the interwebz and the "post" button.
Thanks.
Dear week,
Lets hurry up and get this over with, I'm already ready for the weekend.
Love, Sleepy worker.
Dear Papa,
I don't enjoy being pimp smacked by you, only to end up with a bloody lip. Clearly your first family didn't teach you how to treat a lady.
-Thanks, Your mom.
LMAO, you biatch!
Bahahaha this actually made me laugh out loud. Thanks ladies. Also, a few more letters:
Dear Allie,
You're welcome! And don't stress yourself. The dress looks fabulous on you. And if the reason you're trying to lose weight is the zipper getting stuck in the back, don't. It's not you. It's the zipper. The zipper is a douchebag.
-----
Dear Heather,
I have to agree with Voldemort too. I don't mean to sound like we're picking on you, but it is something you need to either put your foot down about once and for all, or just accept it for what it is & move past it. Just my brutaly honest but supportive two cents.
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Dear Diane,
I think we need to talk about your dog's abusive tendencies. You know, just because we're all your friends & we're concerned about you. Bahaha.
Love, Worried
ten-tenners' may siggy: me & mama on my wedding day
What's LittleMissNewlywed Cooking?
My cats abuse me every day. One cat likes to stand right on my windpipe so I can't breath, while her and another cat like to thrust off my stomach with all their might.
We can be each others support system
Sincerely,
Abused Pet Owner
Dear (not loyal) Customers,
Guess what? The customer is NOT always right, so don't you ever think that. Ever. I talk to people exactly how they talk to me, so if you don't like my tone it's because that's how you're talking to me.
Sincerely,
Go Away.
Dear Me,
You need to exercise. I know you hate it, but it needs to be done.
Sincerely,
I know that's not going to happen
Dear Nesties,
You're amazing. I love chatting with you ladies....maybe too much lol.
Sincerely,
Very Lucky
OMG, so true. What is with him cutting everything?! grr.
bloggity blog
Dear body,
Why can't you just deal with the stress of moving and figure out how to run regularly too? It's been a a week of no running and you have a half coming up.
Sincerely, wanna be active
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Dear new job,
I really like you right now. keep it up.
From, New employee
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Dear groceries,
can't you just shop yourself and end up in my cabinet?
----
Dear eyebrows,
the amount of excitement I have over getting you waxed today is unbelievable. time to clear yourself up.
sincerely, uni brow
bloggity blog
Dear Brooke and Diane,
You are very brave women to make a stand against pet abuse like you do. You have inspired me to share a secret that I can no longer hide...I, too, am suffering from abuse at the hands of our family pets. One cat thinks it's funny to attack my feet in my sleep, another sits on my ribs with all her weight, and the third one just scratched the crap out of my foot under my desk. Enough is enough. I won't take any more. Please send me more information on how to end this terrible cycle.
Sincerely,
Had Enough
Too funny!
Dear Boxes:
Please unpack yourselves while we are at work.
Thanks.
Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter
TTC Since January 2011 - We have bad spermI don't know but I sincerely hope he manages to find somewhere other than education to cut it from-or comes and explains to us "overpaid" teachers how were are supposed to 1) explain to our students that they are in fact important and have a voice in our government 2)freeze our salary and also increase the size of our family without going into debt! especially since my husband's state worker salary has been frozen since 2005 or so and will remain so indefinitely!
Oh and new letter:
Dear student in first period:
Yes I get that you don't like the accelerated reader program, but I swear to God if in our discussions of state government I hear one more time that cutting it is the solution to our 3.4 million dollar deficit in our school system I am going to flip out on you...if you had any grip on reality you would realize that you are just annoying and have no concept as to money-as also attested to by the fact that you actually think working at McDonald's the rest of your life will actually pay your bills. So I suggest shutting your face and putting some of your energy into your education so I'm not supporting your lazy self for the remainder of my life on an indefinitely frozen salary!
Dear Spring,
Feel free to show up at anytime.
Sincerely,
Sick of the effn cold weather
_______________________
Dear coworker,
I can normally brush off your annoying behaviors, but laterly.. whew. Please stop getting up to talk to everyone, then b!tching about how busy you are that you can't finish your tasks. Please stop taking 45897234895 smoke breaks and yet again saying how there just aren't enough hours in the day. Please, please stop eating all over, huhmm, I mean at your desk.. or at least clean your effn keyboard cause it's nasty.
Thank you kindly,
Annoyed as he!l lately