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Looking at your marriage so far (GTKY)
It's been almost a year and a half, and I have been thinking about what our marriage has been like so far. It has certainly been dominated by change, which I suppose is normal. We moved across the country (far away from all of my family and friends), got new jobs, have a totally different (slower) lifestyle, and have struggled with infertility. Through all of that, I can honestly say that we get closer every day. We have always communicated well, so even in the toughest times lately (BIL's illness and my miscarriage), we know we can rely on each other and know how lucky we are.
So what can you say about your marriage so far?
What's changed? Any unforeseen challenges? Any special joys? How do you feel about it overall: good, bad, exactly what you thought it would be like, etc?
Re: Looking at your marriage so far (GTKY)
I obviously didn't spend the first year and a half like I had thought I would - DH has "graduated" from counseling and things are going well. He doesn't see his therapist regularly anymore but knows that he can go back for routine maintenance if he feels like he's got some stuff to figure out. I still find myself getting anxious when he has to travel for work and I will still occasionally pop onto his computer and give things a once over but that is much less frequent. I am looking forward to the day when I won't get nervous about his work traveling - he knows I get stressed about it and has been wonderfully understanding of my need to take some time to work through that. I'm sure he'd love to snap his fingers and all would be repaired but the reality is that it isn't.
We've had a rough go of it financially just due to house issues and stuff but I think that we're on the path to get that figured out soon (thank goodness!). Things in our personal life have settled into a routine again which I appreciate.
Over all - I wouldn't want to revisit the drama in my life 9 months ago but feel like we're on a good track. Overall - good I think. If you would have asked me that 6 months ago, I wouldn't have said that. :-P
Despite all the things we have had to go through it's great, actually even better than before we were married. We have had 3 deaths in the family (both dh grandmothers1 month apart), his dad having a heart attack and finding out not 1, but both of us have fertility issues.
We communicate a lot better now (not that we didnt before). To be honest marriage seems a lot easier than just dating. We just seem like a better team now. We are hoping for a lot less stressful 2nd year of marriage that is for sure.
This is a great idea Kel!
Honestly, nothing has changed for us. I grow to love my H more and more every day; I never knew that I could love someone this much. Cliche maybe, but its the truth. We've been through some rough times since Jan '10 and we always know we can lean on each other. Let's see if I can remember everything...
We got married and went our on HM, got through the holidays only to find out that H's car died, somewhat unexpectedly. I wasn't ready for a car payment (I hadn't had one in 6 years) but we didn't have a choice so I went out and bought a new car. Five days later, H got laid off. I was a wreck to say the least. It was a blessing in disguise, fortunately, b/c he was able to go back to school and its paid for by the govt. from him being in the Marines and serving in Iraq (that qualified him for a little additional help). I'm not sure if I would've survived with any sanity otherwise. I was able to start going back to school after my hiatus when we got engaged (the break was planned). We've worked on our house and its now on the market. We're hoping so much that it sells quickly and this year so that I can quit this crappy job and finish school.
Overall, its been a good ride & I wouldn't change it. Its been wonderful being married and I love every minute of it...even when we drive each other bonkers.
Wow...what a question! H and I have been together for nine years, and lived in the same house for 6, so the adjustment to married life was pretty much nil. The last year and a half have been a bit more even keel than the year leading up to the wedding (that was when H had his heart attack, ICU stays, heart surgeries, etc.).
We've both been busy with work and school - second masters for him, student teaching/classes for me. We were hit pretty hard by the economic issues in Michigan, but the past eight months or so have allowed us to get back on our feet an start to rebuild a bit. H has had a couple more heart procedures, but nothingh too crazy. Pretty much, its been business as usual, trying to sneak in time to spend together, and just juggling our busy lives in general. We are looking forward to both of us graduating by fall- hopefully things will slow down a bit. We have been through SO much over the past three years (health issues, death of very close friends, taking care of grandparents with alzheimers, etc), we are looking forward to having a somewhat "normal" life for a bit! Overall, its been a crazy year and a half, but we have been lucky enough to have each other through it all! Looking forward to the next year being more relaxing, healthy and happy!
Looking back, we have not had any major changes even though we have been praying for quite a few.
DH was laid off at the time of our wedding and in now employed at a crappy job with crappy pay making about 10-15k less a year now...but we do have insurance.
I am still searching for a teaching job.
I feel like we have not taken any steps forward, financially or career wise.
We have been fortunate to have good health and still have many family members around us.
I am genuinely happy with our marriage and am still deeply in love. Just waiting for other parts of our lives to move forward because we are more than ready
Our first year and half has been interesting to say the least. I made a career change 3 months into our marriage that required a pretty dramatic pay cut...DH has been supportive although it has definitely made things a little more difficult, especially with what came shortly after!
Our unexpected little addition to the family definitely threw us for a loop. Kids were in our "five year plan" but a little closer to the 5 than the 1 year mark. We were planning on me completing grad school before we started actively trying so that I could focus on it 100%.
With that said, I wouldn't change a thing. We've had some growing pains getting used to being needed 100% of the time, but DH and I have become a much stronger team because of it. He used to whimper and obey at every whim his B and SIL threw at him, now he sticks up for his family and realizes that our little 3 person unit takes priority over all else. Liam has been a complete blessing and, even though there are hard moments, I wouldn't trade any of it for what I'd envisioned my life to be like right now. If anything, I've learned that you can't control everything in life and sometimes you need to sit back and relax and let things happen as they will.
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Have I seen you on the GP board or am I having a brain fart?
Being married hasnt really changed for us. We have been together for 61/2 yrs and lived together for 4 so nothing really bg has changed.
As far as the last year and half, nothing much has really changed. From what I recall only 2 important things happend last yr. One was when we lost my uncle in Jan and the other was when our roommate moved out.
Also this past Feb our little boy turned 2, so thats an adventure in itself. We love every minute with him and love watching him grow and learn so many things.
As an overall I would say our marriage is pretty good.
We've had a LOT to learn! Keep in mind, I have loved this man for many many years, but the abruptness of deciding to move forward together without much 'day-to-day' knowledge of each other was interesting. Throw in a new job, and the Short Sale house from hell, and it was definately trial by fire! We're learning how to fight, how so say "let's have sex" (and no, 'are you still on your period?' isn't gonna make it happen!), and how to appreciate each other.
We're looking forward to a quiet year. We've learned to stand together above all else (even teenagers) and how to spend time being ourselves. How to love even the oddest aspects of each of our personalities, and most of all, accept that there's no way out- we're in this 'till death, and I couldn't be happier!
It's been a great year and a half! Marriage hasn't really changed us too much though. We lived together and have been with each other every day since we started dating so marriage just seemed to seal what we already have.
On the jobs front, DH has been through 2 companies while we have been married due to layoffs but he is still in the same field. I took a job last week so will be changing companies on the 28th.
DH did start school and is waiting to hear if he got into any of the xray tech programs he applied for. Once he does there will be big changes on his front as they will take up a lot of time so he may not be able to work.
Healthwise, I have stayed cancer free (YAY) and we have started IF treatments. I knew I needed them due to previous health IF issues with my ex-h.
All of these things just have come to strengthen our relationship. I love him more everyday!
I feel like the minority here... we've had no changes and everything has been pretty status quo for us for a long time. We lived together for a year before we were engaged, so ever since then it's been the same for us. Getting married didn't really change anything for us.
We have the same jobs, the same apartment since before the wedding, we still have our amazing puppy. I'm thankful for what we have, but it's kind of "minimal" for lack of a better term. While we don't have amazing joys, we haven't had lows either.
Since we got married, SIL got married and will be having their first kid next week. My sister is getting married next week (it's actually the same day for both of those things). Other SIL is having a kid in August (their 3rd). My stepdad is talking about retiring within the year and that means they'll want to move to Florida like every other 58 year old retiree in this country. That would be a huge change for me - I've never lived more than about 2.5 hours away from her. So... I guess things are changing for other people around us, just not for us!
Well I also can's say that marriage changed our relationship much considering this November we'll be celebrating 10 years together. Oy, that makes me feel old. We did have a few shake ups though since being married like the Mr going through a sting of jobs as well as us having to take a few financial hits.It seems we just get "ahead" and something ridiculously expensive happens like a car breaking down, having to pay in income tax etc. Saving money and getting out of this apartment is happening much more slowly then I would like.
All in all though our relationship itself is strong. We get along very well and problem solve well. I can count the amount of serious arguments we've had on one hand (in our entire relationship). The only issue we have now which we didn't really have before I started working shift work is connecting for real quality time. We really have to work at schedualing time together which has never been an issue before.
Muffin's Mom -- I'm sorry things are a struggle for your daughter! I hope they will be able to work and grow together!
Such a good question, Kel!
We moved shortly after getting married so it really feels like this little house has been our only home... that was the only big change... well, that and we didn't live together before we were married. I totally expected moving in together to be a rough transition and it really wasn't -- that was my biggest surprise. I guess we knew each other well enough under different roofs to know what to expect in the same home.
Overall, being married has been a huge gift! I am thankful every day. DH is committed to being the best he can be for me and I only hope I am taking half the steps he is making to constantly be a better spouse!
The next year and a half will most likely give more changes... we can see them coming already. I'm excited for changes though... through our growth this far, I'm confident we can handle whatever lies in front of us.
What's changed? Any unforeseen challenges? Any special joys? How do you feel about it overall: good, bad, exactly what you thought it would be like, etc?
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What's changed? Any unforeseen challenges? Any special joys? How do you feel about it overall: good, bad, exactly what you thought it would be like, etc?"
What's changed? Hmm... well, probably from the surface it doesn't seem like a whole lot has changed except me working from home now instead of having a desk job. We live in the same place, hubby has the same job, doesn't seem like too much has changed. But upon closer inspection (as corny as this may sound) it feels like we are really finding ourselves as we enter our late 20's, both individually and as a couple.
Over the last year and a half DH has really learned what he enjoys at work, and what he used to see as an embarrassment (dropping out of college halfway through) he's learning was a blessing in disguise- he's found that he wants to change his major and this summer he'll start classes up again so he can finish it. I started my own business last year with a fuzzy idea of what I wanted, and now, even though it's growing slowly, I have a clear idea of where I want to go and who I want to be. And DH and I have started to learn what our own issues are and what baggage we've brought along with us into the marriage so we can try to NOT give into them- things such as communication issues, defense mechanisms, etc. that do nothing to help our relationship.
Is it exactly what I thought it would be like? No, definitely not. Unforeseen challenges and special joys? For me they seem to go hand in hand- marriage is hard. It's a hell of a lot harder than just dating or living together- because during an argument you can't just give up and leave. Giving up is easy, staying together and working for a quality marriage is hard. But it's been SO worth it.
"So what can you say about your marriage so far? What's changed? Any unforeseen challenges? Any special joys? How do you feel about it overall: good, bad, exactly what you thought it would be like, etc?"
I am late to the party, but I loved this question and reading all the responses, so I had to add mine!
It has been an amazing year and a half. We had already been living together for 2 years when we got married, so I wasn't expecting it to feel much different. And it didn't, at first. But there has definitely been a feeling of contentment, of permanence, and of excitement for the future that has been growing since then for me. It absolutely feels stronger than it did before we were married. And I love seeing how we constantly are growing as a couple.
We haven't really had any huge ups or downs, and I'm thankful for that. (of course, a big up would be great, but then I would just wonder if things were too good, and when is something bad going to happen. So I'm fine with the status quo
) All we are doing really is working on and strengthening our relationship as much as possible for when the surprises inevitably come. (the downs anyway!)
"So what can you say about your marriage so far? What's changed? Any unforeseen challenges? Any special joys? How do you feel about it overall: good, bad, exactly what you thought it would be like, etc?"
Super late too, but here it goes.
Our marriage so far: We're strong, but it takes work. Everything Jessica said in her response about "is it exactly what you thought it would be like" applies here. The changes and challenges especially contribute to the work to be done.
Changes and challenges: As some may remember, DH was given a one month notice last spring that his position was being cut. Thankfully, he was never unemployed since another non-profit needed a position filled that the COO felt DH could fill. He's still there but isn't a fan; so, over the past year, DH has been applying for other jobs and may finally have a bite with the university medical system. Originally, I was supposed to stop working in August (or cut back to PT) in order to go back to school FT since I'm only PT right now. With DH's job changes, we're postponing that. The good side of that, is that we'll be able to almost my entire annual salary in savings.
Overall, we feel good about things.
Well said!
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