Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Military ups and downs.
My husband and I got married in 2009, two weeks after we got married he deployed and between the stress of him leaving and my emotional eating habit I gained about 40 pounds. I consulted with my doctor and they set me up with a nutrisionist and I lost about 50 pounds before he came home on leave.
So I was 10 pounds lighter than the last time he saw me when he came home for his 2 week leave, but towards the end of his leave he cautiously mentioned that maybe I should start going back to the nutrisionist. I was crushed... and the emotional eating came back full force. I have since gained 60 pounds and I feel horrible but I dont feel like there is a point to loosing weight because even at my smallest he still thinks im big. and even when I was at my smallest he didn't even want to touch me, and my thinking is if a man has been in a desert for a year and has had no female contact he would want it a little more than usual... is that crazy for me to think?
Re: Military ups and downs.
I am sorry that your feelings are hurt! I know I would be upset too.. I kind of relate to how you might feel. I have RA and after I had my last son, I was on steriods for two and a half years...So I got myself off of them, but 110 pounds heavier. I would hate to have my husband point that out.
I kind of agree that maybe your husband is just being a douche, but maybe it has something to do with the facts of his deployment. Has he always been this way? Or is this something new? I know alot of men and women come back and they aren't the "same". I think that if you do go to the nutritionist, it should be for you and for your health. At the end of the day, you are the most important person out of this couple.
I'm sorry your going through this.
I dated someone like your H, who had a "roaming eye." He always was looking at other women, and I decided one day (for him stupidly) to lose weight. Never lose weight for a man to keep their eyes on you, you should lose it for your own health. The old way of thinking led me to breakup, because I felt never good enough for him.
You are not crazy, you are being emotionally abused by your husband, and because of that insecurity he is putting in your mind you are doubting your own self esteem.
You're not crazy. The stress of a deployed SO is alot. I actually lost weight. (Maybe FI should rejoin and deploy again lol).
He should not put you down..ever. Go to counseling.
Thanks for all the advice! I did talk to my husband and he felt horrible for it coming out that way. He said he meant it as an encouragement and that I was headed in the right direction, not that he wasn't attracted to me or thought I was fat. He also said that the reason he wasn't so "attentive" was that his camp had a few attacks on it just before he left for leave and he was stressed about going back and was afraid of how I would handle it if something happened to him. So in a way he was keeping his distance until he knew he was home safe... for good.
I feel a million times better and I know he is one to stick his foot in his mouth and not say things the right way. He isn't what I would consider a douche, he just isn't very tactful.
Thanks for all the advice!
I think you're thinking about yourself too much. Just because someone was deployed, doesn't mean they are "ready to go" as soon as they come home. As an Air Force girl married to my Air Force husband who got deployed 2 months after we got married I know that deployments change people. Maybe your husband doesn't feel like sex for other reasons, it may have nothing to do with your looks.