September 2009 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Sort of BR: Only children
For Niners that are an 'Only Child':
Were you lonely growing up and wish you had a sibling?
What did you like about being an only child?
For Future Mommies and Current Mommies:
Are any of you thinking you'll only have one baby or is your current baby most likely going to be your one and only?
I'm asking this because I always thought I'd have 2 until Nate was born. I went through a tough time physically and emotionally during the end of my pregnancy. Also PPD was a nightmare esp. when my son was colicky. I'm thinking I may just be done having kids.
Just wanted some feedback from you ladies...
Re: Sort of BR: Only children
I want an only. Kids are expensive, and they need a lot of attention to grow properly. I think having >2 kids is unfair to them because it probably means someone is not getting what they need from their parents (and is going without or getting it from a sibling forced into the role).
I had a sister growing up and really feel like being the oldest I ended up with a lot of responsibility and a lot of unneeded stress. (disclaimer: my younger sister has special needs, so this isn't really a fair comparison, but it is the way things ended up)
My husband was basically an only (older brother was 9 yrs older) and he said he wished he'd had someone to play with. BUT he had lots of friends and his parents could completely devote themselves to pursuing his dreams (NCAA Div 1 Basketball) whereas mine could not even come close (my mom told me when I was 13 I'd have to find a way to pay for my education myself- no pressure, right?).
Stand up for something you believe in.
We are planning on having one more, but don't plan on "trying" to get pregnant for at least another 10 months. Its doubtful that we'll have more than that.
I have a sister and we are very very close and always have been. Honestly, I feel like I would be robbing Phoenix of that experience, even though there's no guarantee that she'll be close with her sister/brother. I actually kind of enjoyed being pregnant, and up until the end had a pretty easy and nice pregnancy. Also, and this is going to sound incredibly selfish so please no flames, but I kind of want to have a second one just so I can actually experience the birth. As I've mentioned probably too many times, it has really really affected me having to have been under general anesthesia for Phoenix's birth and I feel really angry about neither me nor Jimi being able to hear her first cry, cut the cord, and hold her immediately after birth and I really really want to be able to experience that. So, whether its vbac or another c-sec, I want to be AWAKE for my child's birth, which means having another. (This is obviously NOT the only or main reason we would have a second one).
But anyway, my idea of a family has always been 4, so I think I might feel a little unfulfilled if we stop at me, Jimi, and Phoenix.
Thats me!!
Were you lonely growing up and wish you had a sibling?
I wasnt really lonely, but my mom was home when I was home, even though she was a single mother. I had quite a few friends that were only children as well, so it wasnt weird to me. Sometimes I wish I had a sibling, because so many girls consider their sister their best friend or their brother their protector. I missed out on learning to share, and on that bond that only comes between siblings. But I guess you cant truly miss what you never had, right? Also, any time I did something wrong, I had no one to blame it on.
What did you like about being an only child?
Um... Attention?? I dont mean to sound childish or spoiled when i say that, but you really know that you are the sole focus of your parent/s when it's just you. I think it also meant that my mother didnt have to split the cost, so any money for the children was really just for the child. I also feel that I matured faster because I hung out mostly with adults and was therefore treated as an adult (to an extent of course). Many 'oldest' children have the same personality traits as an only child as far as maturity and responsibility goes. But I think I am also more capable than some of my friends with siblings to be on my own, because I had to pacify myself for so long alone.
I can only give you my experience coming from a family with 4 children and Michael being an only child. I absolutely feel like having siblings has made me a stronger, more well-rounded and well-adjusted person. I feel like I'm more able to go-with-flow because I grew up learning to yield to ever-changing-circumstances. My parents never dumped child-rearing on me or my older sister, and my mother was SAHM until we were all in school, so that helped in many ways. I have cousins that are also part of larger families and I see a lot of similarities with them and our family.
Michael is an only child and grew up with his grandparents and single mom. He has a bit more trouble adapting to changes, and needs more alone time than me but overall he is very well adjusted. I think that has a lot to do with his upbringing. He was NOT the king of the castle and wasn't allowed to have whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. He definitely had structure and did have friends and cousins to play with. He will tell you that he hated being an only child, but I don't think it "harmed" him in any way.
That being said, we have about 3 friends that were only children and they are completely obnoxious to deal with at times because they were catered to too much and just can't handle things not being the way they want them, or not being the center of attention. They're in their late 20s and haven't grown out of it, nor do they necessarily realize this about themselves. I don't blame it on them being an only child, but on how they were raised.
I think that you should absolutely consider more children if you think you can handle it emotionally, financially, etc. But, if you're not feeling ready for it, bringing additional children to the mix will do more harm than good to you guys and Nate.
| cute shoes make me happy |
This definitely sounds like me. I was not spoiled and didn't get whatever I wanted. I paid for my own first car, got a job at 16, and paid entirely for my own college. I think that is the best way to handle having an only child- making sure they are responsible. One difference is that I didn't hate being an only child.
Yeah, Michael's mother was on SS/Disability for most of his life, so he was paying her bills for her by the time he was in college, PLUS having all his college loans/expenses.
I think it really comes down to how you're raised and how your parents challenge you and support you.
| cute shoes make me happy |
I agree with this.
I am not an only child. I wouldn't ever want my child to not have a sibling. My sister and my relationship has been the most important of my lifetime. I say that because she has been there for the longest.
I know that isn't the case for a lot of people with siblings. My sister was all I had in so many horrible and so many great circumstances. I was the same for her. I'm tearing up writing this because she means that much to me.
I honestly hope that we die in the same day because we'll have a hard time being separated. That sounds all morbid and severe. haha.
We were also very close in age. 14 months apart. So, that also drew us together really well. There a few other sister sibs that I see a similar connection in. It is really amazing.
Zuma Zoom
I am technically an only child. I have half siblings and step siblings but in my day to day life I was the only child in my house (with my mom and my stepdad). I will start by saying that I loved being an only child, but I also had the bonus of siblings in my life on a regular basis.
Positives: I am spoiled to no end and I admit it. I am very grateful and like to believe that I show my parents my unending appreciation for their generosity in their time, money and love. I was always my mom's sole focus even though she worked a full time job (teacher) and because of this she is like my best friend. I also learned to interact well with adults at a young age and had a level of maturity above those of my same age because of this. I also learned to make friends easily so that I would have someone to talk to/invite over to play/etc... Also, I'm really good at entertaining myself and I'm bad azz at coloring
Negatives: as mentioned in some PP I do not do well with change but have gotten better as I've gotten older. I like to get my way and will argue with you until we're both blue in the face and usually whomever I'm arguing with will back down because I'll just keep going. I also find I need more alone time than Jay (who has an Irish twin sister) and that if we spend too much time together I start to get annoyed with him for no reason other than I haven't had any time to decompress alone.
I would like to have only one child because I loved my life growing up and still do and, like Mary said, I think when you get into having too many kids then you don't have enough time to focus on each of their needs. Jay says he wants 3 kids; in our minds we've compromised at 2 but we'll see what happens when #1 makes an appearance eventually!
I agree, but I think the amount of kids that constitutes "too many" will vary greatly from parent to parent. Some people have the same trouble handling 2 as others do handling 6. Just depends on the circumstances and parents.
| cute shoes make me happy |
This is why I'm saving my baby girl clothes (when we thought Nate was Olivia
) as well as Nate's baby clothes that don't fit until he's a little older. Both H and I have siblings and I am super close to my brother.
Even though I feel like I am so happy Nate's belly is feeling better, he is sleeping more AND I can enjoy being a Mom after addressing the depression I can't imagine going through the early newborn days with a 2nd child to boot!
I appreciate your honest answers; YOU GUYS ARE GREAT!
I didn't really mind being an only child. I often wished I had a sibling, and now I really wish I could understand the relationships between siblings, but it wasn't really a big deal. there were kids in my neighborhood I could play with, and I was close to my cousins.
As I got older, I think I was lucky to be an only, because my parents didn't have to split up college tuition money, etc between several children, so I didn't have to worry about finances so much.
Baby Blue Eyes
Congrats to both my TTC buddies, Amberley18 and sb2006 on their beautiful babies!