Family Matters
danak1978
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
EastCoastBride and Doglove
Just wanted to give you and update about my SIL. A few months ago I was wondering what my SIL who was expecting was up to. Well she did give birth to preemies this past weekend. Now obviously she would not be the ones making the phone calls to let us know, but we were not told that she did give birth until a full day later. (BIL was out of town-we found out when he got home what was happening). Also since thier birth we and my MIL have not be updated on the babies conditions and my MIL was told she was not allowed to visit until the folllowing weekend. I know you still think that I am wrong for her not sharing info with us and that she doesn't have to tell anybody anything. But I do feel that your family should know that you gave birth and how your children are doing. We are so worried about the babies and we don't know anything. BTW we have left several messages for them and they have not responded. So I thought that you might like an update to that...
Re: EastCoastBride and Doglove
You do know that she gave birth. And you are seriously delusional if you think that their priority should be updating you on their babies' condition. They clearly have more important things to worry about, like um, their babies. And your MIL will be able to get an update when she visits.
No wonder she is keeping you all at arms-length.
I had both sides of the family come-in from OOT. I made a point of being friendly and keeping both sides updated but I was worried how it would all sort out. I got lucky and everybody gave me lots of space. It was only a day or two, but just the right fit.
I'm not sure why your SIL is so against sharing info and visits, but if you give her the space she demands, the ice will thaw. It might be hard, but it might also be worth it.
I'm with casgm, I can see why this woman is trying to keep you all at arms length, it sounds like your family makes everything all about you.
that being said. 1- you found out within a day. They just had preemies. They have more pressing matters right now. You HAVE to back off of this point. 2-It sucks that even your MIL doesn't know. I do think they should update her and she can then pass it on. You should not be expecting personal calls yourself, though.
as for MIL visiting - is she the only not allowed, or do they want no one? Look at the big picture on this. If she's the only one, that's crap. But if it's pretty much no visitors at all, OR they are trying to spread people out, then they get to do that.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
ITA!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
What? Seriously. I must not have read this post correctly.
Yes, I'm sure you're very worried about the babies. Can you multiply that worry by about a million plus infinity to see how the parents of these children are feeling? Add onto that, a SIL who had to go through it alone and BIL who now has to worry about his wife and two children.
Even if you were their closest friend in the world, I wouldn't think that they would be calling to provide updates every day at this point and if you were their closest friend/relative then you would probably understand that and not leave SEVERAL messages. Gawd that would stress me out.
You're kidding, right?
I just went back and read the original post (which was DD, I am surprised I found it) and those babies were due in June! That means they are dangerously premature.
I'm going to try to be a little rational here because my mother was a lot like you when I delivered a full term, healthy baby. You are being extremely unreasonable here. What you think "should be" done is irrelevant. Your SIL just gave birth to very premature babies. Their priorities are entirely shifted right now. The first thing on their mind is not to call you or your MIL but to spend every waking moment with the babies.
I am sure you are terribly worried but stop making this about what *should be* done and be there for them when they do call. The last thing they need is a lecture from you or the MIL about how things should be done.
Ditto all the other PPs, especially the above. Just because they don't do what you want them to do does not make them WRONG. I don't understand how getting the information to you is more important than taking care of their prematurely born babies who are probably hooked up to all types of machines and fighting for their lives.
Yet - you're still making this whole situation about you and how you didn't receive the information in a timely manner.
I didn't read the OP but if you think any of this ramble helps make you look like the better person in the situation you have described, you are beyond delusional.
Stop leaving messages. Start praying.
Exactly. If we had family members who gave us a hard time about not giving them info in what they thought was a timely manner, they would be dead to us. I would never speak to them again. I am not joking.
You are such a tool. Do you realize she cannot get out of bed for a day after a csection? That she's on morphine for the agony of abdominal surgery? That they don't allow cell phones in the NICU? Yes, by all means, make this allllll about you and what they owe YOU.
Why are you not over at the house helping to clean, walk the dogs, do the laundry, getting food lined up? Why are you not HELPING? Why are you instead insisting that these poor people focus on YOU and YOUR NEEEEEEEDS?????
Jesus. I hate people like you. Leave these people alone.
I was in labor for 26.5 hours with an overdue baby. My MIL texted and called about every hour to check on the status, even though we said we would let people know when something happened. I got angry EVERY time she sent a message.... Did she not realize that I was busy and in pain!!! She actually texted that my baby was "definitely from the south. slow as ***." To date, NONE of my ILs have offered to help with the baby. They can talk bad but not support.
Next time, I am not telling my ILs when I go into labor. I do not care what they want, as they are not supportive, just selfish for information.
Get over yourself and send them a congratulations, we are praying for you card.
I delivered a healthy baby at 38 1/2 weeks with no complications and an easy labor.
I still forgot to call my best friend -- who's been my best friend since we were in high school, introduced me to my husband, was maid of honor at my wedding, had me as matron of honor in hers, and was also the baby's godmother -- until the next morning.
When you've just delivered a baby, you're allowed to be totally absorbed by your needs and your child's needs. Doubly so if you have multiples. Infinitely more so if your children are extremely premature and in NICU.
Take some of that time that you've invested in calling and texting and Google the odds of survival for babies born before 30 weeks. Then maybe you'll understand why updating you isn't quite at the top of their priority list.
Any human being with an ounce of sensitivity would back off and let them release information as they see fit right now.
I delivered a perfectly healthy baby 2 weeks late....and it was an induction so it was planned. I STILL forgot to tell people. I honestly don't really rember the first 12 hours or so of her life. Its all a blur. H feels the same way.
I cannot imagine what it is like to have an unplanned, premature labor with twins in a NICU.
Please get over yourself. This is not about you.