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I really don't know why I'm surprised.
SIL (H's brothers wife) asked 1.5 weeks ago to take me for brunch and manis for my birthday this Sunday. I was actually REALLY looking forward to spending some 1:1 time with her as the date moved closer because I actually wanted to either a) write her a note or b) talk to her about how important it is to me to have her and BIL a big part of baby A's life- and ask how I/we can improve our relationship.
She seems to be very centered in on her family (immediate and her blood, that is), and I just feel as though we (her H's family) are an after thought- this is not just my opinion. MIL, H, FIL, etc all see this. I don't want to position my note/or conversation depending the route I choose around that fact; what I want to get across is that I have lived first hand not being close to my aunts and uncles (due to family riffs and family ignoring other parts of the family) and it has sucked beyond belief and I want to do everything in my power to ensure history does not repeat itself. Our baby will be fortunate to have 2 sets of local aunts and uncles, and I want to make sure our family grows and becomes closer. FWIW, she is bailing bc her parents will be in town and Sunday is the only day she can spend with them.
Anyways, I don't know why I am surprised, nor why I am upset about this, it's just like... Some of you may recall this has been a long time a brewing, and I finally came up with an approach to address this I am happy with- a final straw that if nothing happens out of it, at least I tried in the most peaceful way possible...it just sucks I can't do it this weekend. Or I could still write her a note and actually mail it, or whatever, but I'm just bummed.
Ugh. I definitely do not have that warm and fuzzy feeling "extended" family. Forgive me for wanting to change that. 
Re: I really don't know why I'm surprised.
I'm sorry-that is really a sucky situation.
You can't say you haven't tried with her. I am dealing with a bad situation with my SIL as well. I try and she seems to be always backing away and doing weird things that upset me (though I don't think it's really intentional on her part).
My mother gave me the best advice--just be happy with the new little family that you are becoming and don't let the stress and drama ruin your mood.
How disappointing. You can only try so hard, you know?
Growing up, we "picked" my mom's side and only went to things with her family. It makes it a lot harder to give both sides equal attention. Maybe she just doesn't want to work that hard?
Maybe. it's unfortunate.if that is the case. Maybe she's not lived through the disappointment. It can't hurt any to say what I want to say though. It's not that I'd be attacking her, or anything like that. Is it bad I want to now have MH and my BIL there so BIL hears it to ensure nothing gets twisted?
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I grew up without family too. It was just my parents and brother so, I completely understand why you feel like you do. I feel the same way and would also want to do everything I could to keep relationships in the family. I'm really sorry, I know that situation sucks. Will you reschedule with her?
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