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Break ups.
For those of you who don't read my blog, yesterday I posted a break up letter to the internet.
I tried to make it lighthearted and poke fun at it, but the truth is, if I don't take a break from things, I'm going to have a break down.
Long story short, I'm having a lot of issues with the pregnancy loss. As you guys know, I seemed pretty okay and accepting of things in the beginning. For about the first three weeks or so, I thought that I had dealt with it and moved on. However, I think I was in denial. I felt like I had to be the rock for everyone in my family because they were all so crushed. I mean, I'm not at all blaming them and I would NEVER tell them that because they were so wonderful and supportive. But, every time I talked to mom, she would cry. She'd try not to let me hear her, but I could. My dad was choked up a few times (he was the first person I called from the doctor's office) and my sister, bless her heart, was SO amazing on the phone when I told her, but then I found out she was a mess after she hung up with me... she even had to leave work because she couldn't get straightened up (she went through four early losses herself before she had my niece.) And then there's Thomas.... I can't even begin to put in to words how amazing he was. He spent so much time taking care of me that he never really dealt with it, either. When we finally talked around day 3 or 4 after, he finally expressed that he was angry. We talked it out, hugged, cried and I thought we moved past it.
Turns out, the more time that passes, the worse I seem to be getting. Logic and reasoning doesn't work anymore. I keep getting angry with my body for doing such a stupid thing... and I know how silly that is. It makes no sense.
OK, so I said long story short... and now I'm on like chapter 235. What I was coming here for is to tell you girls that I'm taking a break for a week. I need away from email, work, facebook, twitter, blogging, etc. They all distract me and take time away from things I really need to be dealing with. So, tomorrow/today/Sunday will be my last day online for about a week.
Luckily, some of my favorite bloggers volunteered to guest post for me this week, so the blog will still be going... but that's it.
I'm starting a new photography class on Monday, so I'll be focusing on enjoying that. I also plan on Spring cleaning, reorganizing some closets, painting three bedrooms, painting the kitchen, re-purposing some antique furniture I've had in storage, lots of shopping, going for walks, lots of yoga and doing some volunteer stuff with a group from church.
I want to remember what life was like before the internet consumed me.
I might even start writing a book. I haven't told anyone other than my parents & Thomas that. So, who knows. I've wanted to for a long time. We'll see.
So, that was painfully long. Sorry 'bout that. Hope you all have a great week - most of you have my number if you need to get in touch. Text me if anything exciting happens? Thanks.
I'll miss you guys! See you in a week-ish. 
BFP on 2.2.11
Re: Break ups.
First, lots of hugs! We will miss you but it's completely understandable that you need a break. The internet is like your job and everyone needs a vacation from their jobs. Especially during the rough times. Try to have an awesome week. Do what you need to do. More hugs.
P.S. I'm sure it won't make a smidgen of difference, but I'd totally read a book you wrote. And love it. You're inspiring and funny and an amazing writer. Not just anyone can make the sound effects you do via a keyboard.
:::HUGS:::
Welcome to the dark side
I read your post last night, and I completely understand why you would need a break. I hope you enjoy your week away from it. I wish I could just give you a big hug right now.
Also, I agree with Em. I would buy a book you wrote in a minute, read it and then mail it to you to sign.
Hugs
Alexander David
11.25.09
my blog
I hope you get what you need from this (very much needed) break.
So many hugs your way!!!
Hey Linds, I'm so sorry that it got so overwhelming -- I think that's totally justified. You've gone through a lot. I bet talking to a counselor / therapist would help, too. Your feelings aren't going to go away after yours break, and a professional will be a great support for you when you have to put one foot in front of the other at work, etc.
{{hugs}}
Hi Lindsay
I think a "break from technology" will be supremely helpful. We'll miss you, and you know we'll all be here when you get back. I agree with Rebecca that you might also want to look into a counselor. You've been through a lot, and some extra support might be a good idea.
Also, I know it doesn't come naturally to you, but try to get consistent sleep. I'm also a caffeine-addicted night owl, but I feel better if I sleep more.
I'd definitely read a book if you wrote it. I love your blog and your writing style.
October 11, 2008
Trusty Gal blog|Trusty Tales
Do you like jewelry? Buy 2 get 4 half off, your half off items are your most expensive items
"One of the most courageous things you can do is identify yourself, know who you are, what you believe in and where you want to go." ---Sheila Murray Bethel
I think a break sounds like a fabulous idea. I really hope that you have a great time doing things for you. You totally deserve it.
I also agree that counseling may not be a bad idea. You've been through something very traumatic and it's totally understandable to have all of the feelings that you're having. Remember that there are 5 stages of grief and you don't always go through them in order or only once. It's completely normal to break down and nobody would expect you not to.
I know that I haven't experienced a loss, but I do know what it's like to hate my body for betraying me. I am here anytime you need to cry or vent or yell or whatever. I'm a phone call or text away. Love ya girl!!!
Mrs. Little Drew 10/25/08
Blog
TTC since 1/2010 - Dx with Stage IV Endo
11/10 - 100mg Clomid + trigger + IUI + Estradiol + Progesterone = BFN
12/10 - Unmedicated cycle due to RE not doing treatments in December = BFN
1/11 - 100mg Clomid + trigger + IUI + Estradiol + Progesterone = BFN
2/11 - Same sh!t, different month = IUI cancelled due to no response = BFN
IVF #1 - Start stims (Follistim) 5/10, add in Ganirelix 5/14
ER 5/21 - 13 retrieved, 7 mature, 5 fertilized; ET 5/26 - transferred one perfect 1AA blast. 3 snowbabies.
Beta 6/3 - 15.8; Beta 6/7 - 21.8; Beta 6/10 - 7
FET - Transferred 1 AA blast 7/11. Beta 7/20 - 311! Beta 7/22 - 784!! First u/s 8/10
*~PAIFW/SAIFW~*
Brie's Blog 10.11.08 The Top Shelf Bookshelf
my read shelf:
Linds, I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time. I agree that this is a much neeed break for you to focus on you and let everything else go. I do agree with the others that maybe looking into talking to a therapist to help with coping and moving on is a great idea. Also maybe a local support group might be something to look into as well.
Enjoy your week off and please let us know if there is anything else you need.
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