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Am I in the wrong? Opinions!
Ok, So I want to know everyone's opinion, although I won't be able to post back until this evening. What do you think about this.
Glen and I had made plans two months ago to have my parents come down this weekend to help us work on the house/nursery. The weather is going to be sloppy, so we decided to reschedule for 2 weeks from now.
Ok, so dilemma. Glen and I were both invited to Bachelor/Bachelorette parties this weekend, which we initially declined because of conflicting plans, but now are available. Glen is in the wedding, I am not in the wedding but I am really, really good friends with the bride. We both obviously would like to go. Also, one of the girls going is also preggers, so there is no problem there. They are both weekend-long events with 2 hour travel time (one is in Baltimore, one is in Philly). We both can not go because a) our baby furniture is being delivered on Saturday and b) we would have no one to watch our animals.
Glen did attend a weekend long 1st bachelor/birthday/man weekend for the groom back in November. Now, he wants to attend this second one, but I think it's a little unfair that he gets to go and I have to be the one to stay home.
So, my thought is, "if one of us has to stay home, then both of us do"
Am I being irrational here?
PS, We also have no money saved up for either of these, and honestly don't have the money to be going to either.
Re: Am I in the wrong? Opinions!
Is he pushing to be the one who gets to go? If so, then yes I can see how that would be unfair to you.
I don't think both of you should "have" to stay home just on principle though....unless that's what you both really want to do.
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if you dont really have the money for either of you to go, its a moot point.
you already said you werent going, and if you cant really afford it, just stick with the original plan and neither of you go.
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I agree with Stees
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updated 10.03.12
Thanks girls!
I do agree, it's a moot point because of the money aspect, but Glen doesn't really see it that way. He keeps trying to convince me that his trip to Philly would be "free" because they are crashing at a friends house. In reality though, Glen will have to pitch in for gas money, drinks for the groom, they will be eating out every meal and Glen will want to drink as well.
Glen has never been super good with money and he tends to focus on the "free" aspect more than the actual cost. I know he really wants to go and he is IN the wedding, so I feel bad for even proposing that we stay home together.
Many times he does go out with his friends, grabs a drink with a friend, has two band practices a week with different bands (that last 4-5 hours each), plays shows that last all night, plays video games with his buddy at least once a week, etc. So, it's not like I never agree to let him do things with his friends.
I just think that this weekend would be better spent at home with each other so that neither of us is left out and home alone. I just want it to come across as a decision we make together and not his naggy wife "making" him stay home. Know what I mean?
I understand what you're saying. I think you should tell him exactly what you just said:
"I just think that this weekend would be better spent at home with each other so that neither of us is left out and home alone."
Just tell him you think it'd be better to stick to the original plan of not going especially since you had no money set aside for the weekend.
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i think that if you said to Glen, "But you will still need to spend money on X, Y, and Z and we really havent budgeted for it." that should be the end of the discussion.
truthfully, when you add in the part that he already went and you didnt, that if one has to stay home so both should, and that you let him do a lot of things other days of the week and list all of those things...that is what is making you sound like a naggy wife. its coming off, whether you intend it or not, that you are making an argument on why he shouldnt go but should let you go or you should both stay home. which in my opinion, is irrational.
you cant afford it. no one is planning on you coming. so neither get to go. end of discussion. no need to drag the rest of what you said into the discussion because it really doesnt matter.
I understand what you are saying, but I wanted to add that I would never throw things in his face.. I wouldn't sit there and list of all of the things he does get to do in his face, I agree, that's completely naggy and annoying. I was just trying to make the point that I'm not one to ever stand in his way from doing anything that he wants to do, which is why I think this is so hard for me.
I guess I just feel that if I was to go to the bachelorette party and he would be left at home that he wouldn't be very happy about it, which is why I thought that a good compromise is to just stay home together. I would be happy to stay at home with my husband!
I just wanted some advice on how to approach the situation. I think Rach is right, I'll just go with that advice.
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You can also mention besides the money you were looking forward to working on the nursery together.
Good luck sweetie!
I'm late on this, but I agree with Rach's advice, that's what I would do. I would also feel the same exact way as you do. I don't keep Joel from doing things often either as I don't want to be the nagging wife either!
Although at this time in our lives now we do stay home a lot because we're the only one in our circle of friends who has a baby. Also, while I was pregnant we didn't go out nearly as often as we did before because I was tired a lot and we wanted to save money. I can't wait to be social again!
Thanks to everyone's advice, I think that the conversation went really well. So well, in fact, that Glen ended up offering for ME to go to the bachelorette party and he would stay home. Total shocker!
I did think about it, but then declined because the fact is, is that we really do not have the extra money. Besides now I get to have a weekend with Glen all by myself