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MIL strikes again - long
I've posted here about how MIL and DH push each others buttons and antagonize each other constantly. DH and I have discussed it a lot and he has gotten better, but MIL is getting worse.
She is still insisting that we never told her the babys name when we visited for Christmas (she was sitting next to me and commented on it) and was mad that everyone else knew and she didnt. DH told her yesterday that I was going to Boston next week for a meeting and she was PISSED because he never told her (uh....he just did) and we never tell her anything and HUNG UP THE PHONE ON HIM.
DH waited a few mins and called her back and she continued on her rant about how he never tells her anything blah blah blah. Now we are awful about telling people anything, I forgot to tell DH that I had a Dr. appt yesterday until I was sitting in the office so we are not purpously keeping her out of the loop and he kept trying to explain to his mom and she just kept yelling. Poor DH was so upset after he got off the phone with her.
I cant remember a single visit with MIL where the two of them didnt get into a screaming match. I dont want Hannah dreading going to her grandmas because grandma and daddy are going to argue and bicker. We are visiting her in a month. Is it wrong to hold an intervention? I am really tired of the two of them getting into it.
Re: MIL strikes again - long
I'm really sorry that you and DH are dealing with all of this, and I don't blame you for wanting to nip this sort of behavior in the bud before Hannah is born. Given the delicate nature of family interactions, it may be a hard subject to bring up, but I think DH & MIL are able to talk about this issue in a calm manner face-to-face (much better than over the phone or email IMO), hopefully they can come to some sort of agreement. I've always been one to let Kyle handle his family issues for himself, unless he asks that I be a part of it, and even then I try to tread lightly. If for some reason you do have to interject, and she is not hearing your concerns, you may have to tell her (calmly) that unless this behavior changes with everyone involved, you are not going to be bringing your child around. It really sucks, but maybe she will see the light. Again, so sorry you're in the middle of all this family drama, and keeping my fingers crossed you're able to reach a good resolution that everyone can stick to. Hang in there!
Have I told you how much I love the name Hannah, BTW? It has always been one of my favorites, so everytime I see it in your posts it makes me smile.
The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware; joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware. -Henry Miller
http://cookthehumbletable.blogspot.com/
I don't have any words of wisdom, but I wanted to send you a ((hug)). Sooo, frustrating having extra stress around.
I also love the name Hannah - so sweet!
Thanks ladies. I wish it were as easy as letting DH handle it....MIL just does not listen though. Goes back to the fact that she does not think rationally and you cant have a logical conversation with someone who does not think logically.
I think I can talk to DH about it and maybe spin it more directed to both of them (though he is getting better) so it does not look like we are attacking her.
Sorry you are dealing with this. This is where I quote what I read on the national boards, that I never considered using with adults, but have used with children a million times.
Since he has gotten better and is aware of the problem he can be the bigger person; the more in-control person, the rational person. The next time she calls and is screaming pist or otherwise irrational he needs to say - Mom, you sound upset, I can talk to you when you are calm. Please call me back when you are calm and want to talk. Then he hangs up.
When she calls back and is calm - he follows the problem solving/conflict resolution steps. Like, acknowledging her feelings, naming the problem, brainstorm solutions, choose a solution to try.
Being prepared to leave her house when you visit, letting her know that she seems upset and you are going to leave her alone to calm down. Asking her calmly to leave your house if she is "not using expected behavior"
No chance she has Alzheimer, dementia, or MS messing with her memory?
"When she calls back and is calm" This will not happen. She sends passive aggressive emails and tells the rest of her family that we hate her and do not want her in our home/in our lives ect.
I think she is depressed. She lives alone, has no friends, is a constant worrier, and always plays the victim. She will never admit to it though, which is the first step in treating depression.