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2 parts: DH no drive and ? for those who gave vaginal birth
So DH and I have hit somewhat of a slump in our sex life. I am always horny and he never is. We are stressed because of money, moving, etc... I am trying to be positive (which isn't normally me) about things and one of the positive things is I have a very attractive hubby who I veyr much enjoy having sex with! He is stressed and cannot get out of the negative and it is killing his sex drive. I have tried just offering for him to be pleased which I really don't mind anything at this point is better than nothing. As far as I know he has also decreased the amount of masturbating he does as well. I know it is mostly stress, but what do I do? I got turned down really badly the other night which didn't help my whole stay positive attitude because I lit candles wore something semi sexy and had the bed all made and got turned down.. I felt like crap because one I was horny and wasn't getting any sex and two because I am not lovin my body these days and when he shot me down it was like jeez am I that bad looking! He says its not that and I believe him, he likes the way I look, but it is just that he stressed and we have continued to talk and what not, but I just don't know how to help...
Also I think one reason when we do have sex it isn't as enjoyable for me sometimes with penetration is because I think I am too loose.. Has anyone tried the Ben Wa Balls? To help with your muscles, I do kegels, but I don't really know what else to do or try?
We don't have any toys or naughty games or videos or anything like that. I am wanting to step into that realm of sex with DH but don't know how to approach him about it. I don't even think he really knows that I masturbate, just because I haven't outright told him and it is personal of course I assume he knows and I know he does...but I want to try more things with him and hope that it might strike some new things for us and maybe he would want to do more... I have looked at pureromance.com and I have just been lurking, but I don't want to consider anything until we have looked at it together and did it as a couple. I feel like a teenager that is very lonely and my fingers are going to fall off..
Help.
Re: 2 parts: DH no drive and ? for those who gave vaginal birth
Is he literally never in the mood?
Has he also had a complete physical checkup? If he has and all checks out and there are no physical or hormonal causes for the lack of sex drive he is probabl somebody who has a very low sex drive. It's something you'll have to live with.
What was your sex life like before you gave birth? was he the same as he is now?
Thanks! It just isn't normal for him to not want to have sex, so that is why it is hard. I hope that we can just keep talking about it and hopefully talking and maybe some sex will relieve some of his stress, right now I might just tone it down a notch, maybe I will have to try and control myself around him, I just always want to jump him! Hopefully he will understand that not having sex isn't going to help the situation of being stressed out, we are also moving this next week so maybe after we move things will start to pick back up. Like I said before usually I am the negative one and he is positive but I guess we kind of switched roles, except I never witheld sex like this.
I had looked at the tightening cream and kind of wondered...I guess it is worth a try, right now I am in a kick to get healthier and that includes my vagina! I know it will never be the same because I have had a child and I am going to have more, but I want to at least try and get it semi close!...Maybe then I will enjoy it even more (not that our sex is bad, just sometimes he is like the hare and i am the tortoise)
This situation is way more common than we realize. I posted about a similar situation with me and DH and found a whole bunch of ladies who are going through this too. It really helped me just to know that I'm not alone. It does hurt when you feel like your the only one putting in an effort with your sex life and are continuously getting turned down. I only get laid about once a month and I don't even enjoy it very much because it was such a production to finally get some. Sex should be fun and a stress reliever not a source of stress.
Stress is a huge libido killer for my Husband as well. Talk to him about the way he's managing stress and maybe steer him towards an article on how to de-stress. I also agree that sending him to get a check up is a good idea.
Good luck and i hope things get better for you!
He says that he isn't worried about another baby, yes we aren't financially perfect, but when we started talking about parenting and when we had DD we weren't really stable either, but we have given her everything she needs and wants as well. Also when we bought things for DD we planned for the next one with our purchases, besides buying some diapers for a newborn whether it is a boy or girl we are set. We both have always and still say a baby will happen when it happens. Yes we can take all the preventative methods, but we could still get pregnant, so there is no use and might as well just see how it goes.
He wants more, and so do I and DD is around the right age that we had thought to get pregnant and even though it would be stressful, to DH and I that isn't something we stress over in a bad way.
We have talked some more about this and he is just exhuasted and frustrated with work. And I do understand, it doesn't make it easier, but I understand. We haven't had sex in a week and to a lot that isn't too bad but I feel starved! I know I just need to be patient and just keep asking what I can do.
We are also moving this week so I figured there would be even more stress this week, I just want to use sex to relieve my stress and he doesn't. I am trying to be patient...trying..
Some good news our way I got accepted to University.
tightening creams are VERY bad for you
if your H is having trouble with his sex drive it might be better to take some of the pressure off, after you put the baby to bed throw on some comfy pj's that also show off some of your attributes and offer to give him a back rub to work out some of the stress. it will be a low pressure way to get a little skin contact with him and maybe playfully suggest something after he's relaxed or just give him a complement on something sexy about him or pinch his butt
it probably wont get you laid that night but it should help the underlying problem
as for your vagina, i had the same problem after my first born (9lbs 12oz) kegals help and you will tighten up again is your husband 'blessed' down there because i would imagine it would take longer to enjoy sex if he isnt