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IF update :-( LONG
This day started out so good. We went to check out neighborhoods that maybe we'd move to if he gets the promotion. Then we went to check out were the new store in DE is opening. Did some shopping and got some lunch. Right after lunch H got a phone call about the results of his semen analysis (SA) from yesterday. Now I'm not talking to H and I've been crying for hours.
So the fert Dr called H b/c after all they are his test results and not mine. I hear him on the phone going I've never had a prostate problem..., are you sure you have the right info..., I dont think you know what your talking about..., here talk to my wife this is her thing not mine. At this point I have a vague idea what I'm going to hear when I take over the phone call but I'm already pissed at him for being such a boneheaded Neanderthal and not listening to a $!@% word two other doctors have already told him.
Let me give you a little recap. Our first Fert dr referred him to a male IF specialist b/c the SA was showing he had white blood cells in his semen indicating that he has an infection somewhere. H bulks ask how my doctor can tell him there is something wrong with him. We have a big discussion on the fert dr not being my dr but OUR dr. I get him in with the specialist the specialist agrees with the fert dr and prescribes him 30 days worth of antibiotics and anti inflammatory to take and wants to see him back in 6 weeks for a repeat SA to see if that did the trick. H never takes the meds. We fight, I cry, he takes them for 2 days then stops, we fight, I cry, he takes them for another 2 days. Finally I say I give up I cant force you to do this. We decided to switch fertility clinics b/c of some other issues. They ask for another SA, H puts it off over and over again. Fast forward to now 8 months later.
Surprise Surpirse Surprise... guess what is still floating around in his semen. MFing White Blood Cells!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The new fert Dr says to me "I'm not sure why he is so confused. I have all the reports from the other doctors. We discussed his non compliance with the antibiotics so this isnt a great surprise. I recommend that her goes back to the male IF specialist and gets treated for the infection again. I hope he takes it seriously this time. I can't proceed with your treatments until this is cleared up". I tell her thank you and that I will figure out away to explain it to him.
Im so Fing embarrassed, pissed, and devastated. I immediately start to cry b/c thats what I do when I am so mad I could kill someone. He ask whats wrong and I go off on him. I tell him exactly what Im feeling and how at this point he is the direct cause of it. That if he would have manned up in the first place and taken the stupid little pills like directed we wouldnt be having this conversation. He has the audacity to tell me he did take the pills. I lose it again and call him a liar amount other things. Finally he admits that he did not take the pills and wants to know what he has to do now. Eventually he came up with the plan that he will call the Male IF Dr on monday and get an appointment ASAP and will take the pills as directed this time.
Ive still just been in a funk all day. I cry out of no where. I just dont know what to do with him. He says he wants to be a father. We talk about how we want to raise our kids. We talk about names, and schools. I believe he will make a great father. Im just so sick and tired of getting so much opposition from him when it comes to making doctors appointments, listening to their advice and follow through.
If you've made it this far your a trooper! I swear that I love this man and he loves me but when it comes down to us making a baby I think I've married a cave man.
Re: IF update :-( LONG
Oh honey, I'm so sorry.
I'm not sure what to say. Men just don't understand sometimes. Not that you want anything to be wrong, but it almost seems easier if there was something wrong with you instead of him.
Honestly, I might consider a counselor. You guys have been trying for awhile, and you knew months ago that this infection was in issue for conceiving. And he doesn't seem to care. He says one thing, but his actions say something different. You guys have to be on the same page, and I think a counselor might be able to help.
Just a suggestion. {{{Hugs}}}
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BWAHAHAHA Oh I needed that. Thanks!
Last night right before bed we had a talk. I was calm but I cried the entire time and now I'm being called into work with swollen puffy Oprah eyes!
Im still frustrated but I think we've made progress. I explained to him that getting pregnant is something I think about on a daily basis. He admits that while its not daily he thinks about it a lot too and that why he asked when I was going to make another appointment. I asked him how many more Dr's does he need to tell him that he is part of the problem too and this isnt all my fault. He told me that he doesnt feel any Dr's have told him he has a problem. I calmly but firmly told him he was in denial. He said that since he doesnt seem to have any symptoms other then these mysterious WBC that he can't see its hard for him to accept he has a problem. I broke down the time line of the way our treatments should have gone and how we've pretty much wasted an entire pregnancy worth of time b/c he is in said denial. That I'm not getting any younger and my IF problems are going to be a lot worse to over come then his but they wont even start to fix me until he is all clear. I also told him that I'm flipping out b/c if its so hard to get him to cooperate now I can't imagine how hard treatment time is going to be. I then for the 100th time explained to him the process of a medicated cycle and how for those few weeks we eat, sleep, and have sex on my ovaries schedule. He said he didnt realize it was the involved. I also told him that he needs to really start listening to me and the doctors better b/c this has all been explained to him multiple times before.
Overall I feel better about the situation this morning. I'm still upset, but I think I have his attention this time. I'm hoping I have time at work today to make him a little Infertility for Dumies packet today but I doubt Ill get a chance. Maybe tomorrow... Ok off to take my contact outs b/c my eyes are to swollen to wear them
My husband doesn't listen either.
For the year that we were trying it didn't concern him that each cycle came and went with no + test. He had the mindset that it would happen eventually and he was gonna "have fun" in the mean time. It wasn't until after my yearly exam that we talked about the next steps, and I told him that him getting an SA was first. He did not like the thought of having one done.
They don't get that getting pregnant can consume your mind when you're TTC. We do think about it daily. And not having him on the same page for the past 8 months is so hard to handle when that is over 240 days of you thinking about why you aren't pregnant yet. Talk about stress.
Know we're here for you.
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I'm so sorry BMW. I'm glad it sounds like you may have finally gotten through to him. He is definitely in some major denial.
My DH liked the book "making love to a plastic cup." It is about infertility from a guy's perspective, one who had sperm issues. It's written in a humerous way, but has a lot of good information. I know that after DH read it, he felt a lot more involved, and a lot more informed. It helped a lot with our conversations about having a baby.
GL and keep us posted. I'll be thinking of you. You definitely have us to talk/vent to any time.
1/5/11 Femara Cycle #1 = BFN
2/4/11 Femara Cycle #2 = BFP: 3/4/11 - Starting Progesterone supositiories
Beta#1 15DPO = 108; Beta#2 17DPO = 179; Beta#3 18DPO = 259; Beta 4# 20DPO =659!!
TTC#2 Pulled goalie 5/12, PPAF 3/13, BFP 6/27 Beta 15DPO=248!
Dx Severe Hydrocephalus and severe Dandy Walker Cyst.
Stillborn 10/19
Missing Noah Chart Teacher Bud
One more day/ One more time/ One more moment maybe I'd be satisfied/But then again/ I know what if would do/ Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you.""
I'm glad you were able to talk to him!!
Thanks for the recommendation! I've been search for a while now for a book written in men's terms. H isnt much of a reader. So I downloaded it to my kindle. I've read a couple of pages and decided to buy him a paper back copy. Maybe if I leave it laying in the bathroom he'll read it. Maybe by me reading it, it will help me discover ways to talk to him about it.
I'm glad you like it. I think it may still be in hard cover, it's fairly new. DH wasn't thrilled about reading it at first, but was glad after he tarted. I read it too, and used to read him some of the funny parts out loud. I think that may have helped get him interested.
1/5/11 Femara Cycle #1 = BFN
2/4/11 Femara Cycle #2 = BFP: 3/4/11 - Starting Progesterone supositiories
Beta#1 15DPO = 108; Beta#2 17DPO = 179; Beta#3 18DPO = 259; Beta 4# 20DPO =659!!
TTC#2 Pulled goalie 5/12, PPAF 3/13, BFP 6/27 Beta 15DPO=248!
Dx Severe Hydrocephalus and severe Dandy Walker Cyst.
Stillborn 10/19
Missing Noah Chart Teacher Bud
One more day/ One more time/ One more moment maybe I'd be satisfied/But then again/ I know what if would do/ Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you.""