Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Aren't New Year's Resolutions supposed to be ditched by April?
My MIL pulled a fast one on us at New Year's...she said that her New Year's resolution was to have us over for dinner every 4-6 weeks. Personally, I think it's a bit rude to make a resolution that involves other people like that...but whatever.
We have been diligently heading over to the house every 4 weeks, and it's too much. My husband works Tuesday-Saturday, and I work Monday-Friday, so we really only have Sundays (all day) and Mondays (night-time) together. Having to go to the in-laws' house every fourth Sunday really digs into 'our' time.
My MIL won't really take 'no' for an answer, so though I've stalled and stalled this past time, we are heading over on Sunday. DH is agnostic about it, though he'd prefer to keep me happy.
What should I do? I thought this resolution would die a quick death, but it isn't...
Re: Aren't New Year's Resolutions supposed to be ditched by April?
Of course she'll take no for an answer. Just keep saying it and don't show up.
When she whines you say "well we told you that we weren't coming so I'm not sure why you're upset"
You don't know my MIL - she seriously does not take 'no' for an answer. It's phone call after phone call, then she gets annoyed and complains to everyone, so we get sideways glances at family gatherings.
It's nice to be loved - but seriously, I wish it wasn't so much work.
So, her resolution was to control you and her son and to be a passive-agressive bully?
Nice.
So? Don't pick up the phone. Or answer it, say "Sorry but we can't make it this week, 203 weeks from now would be better," say bye and then hang up.
Oh no! What if the judgemental busybodies who have nothing to do with this situation get offended? Better not let that happen! Appease them at all costs! That'll show 'em that you're a cooperative pair of doormats!
So??? You're a grown-up, right? Who cares if she gets upset or accepts your "no" or complains to everyone? Do what's best for you and your DH.
Just tell her that (not ask her if) every 4 weeks isn't going to work and tell her it'll be easier on your schedules if you go with 8-12 weeks instead. And if she feels the need to whine about it, let her. I thought we all learned as kids that we can't have our way all the time!
BTW I must say that has to be the only person I've ever heard of thus far that keeps NYRs......and it's definitely different than the rest of the world's "gonna lose weight" or "gonna quit smoking."
You could also say, "You know MIL, your NY resolution is really more about us resolving to change than you. If your goal is to spend more dinners with us, then YOU are welcome to visit US. I'd be happy to make a roast once a month and have you come over. So just plan to visit us."
You'll never see her. Turning the tables is fair play.
I agree that it is very rude to make a new year's resolution that involves making other people do something.
Your husband should be backing you up on this instead of making you be the bad guy trying to politely turn down MIL's invitation (or summons, as the case may be). He should be the one telling her, "Thanks for the invitation, but we have plans that day. We'll get together some other time." In addition to that, since MIL obviously doesn't get the polite approach, you're perfectly justified in being less polite. Also, even though your husband doesn't seem to mind going, that doesn't mean you have to go with him every time. If you have plans (which can include lounging around in your pajamas and watching TV, by the way), don't change them just because she thinks she can decide how to spend your time.
Please keep in mind that this has nothing to do with love and everything to do with control. I know you don't want to rock the boat, but if you just do it once you'll see that the world won't end and it will be a lot easier to stand up for yourself in the future.
Grand idea - thanks.
(And Go Wings!)
This is a very wise and shrewd observation - thank you. I agree, actually.
I'm very used to rocking the boat! I guess that's why I wrote the post, it gets tiring after a while of 'always being the bad guy' and not just going along with what everyone else wants.
An update: we're not going over tomorrow, DH is taking her out to lunch on his day off this week. MIL booked a vacation over the Easter holidays, so Easter Sunday is out too. Score!
Thanks to all for the pep talk...very much appreciated.