Family Matters
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Parent's marriage

My mother and stepfather have been married for almost 11 years. They had a long distance marriage for 4 of those years and started living together about 6 years ago. My stepfather is apparently very unhappy and has expressed this to my mother several times in the past 3 years. He has reached out to my sister to vent. Now, my sister is concerned about my mom. She thinks my mom is not living in reality and wants us to get together and try to talk her into moving back home. I told her it's none of our business and to stay out of it. They are adults and need to deal with their marriage. My stepfather was just venting which I think he needed. He understands he has to deal with this himself. My sister's concern is that my mom lives in another country and doesn't have any means to support herself. I told her that's our mother's responsibility. She is an adult. My sister became frustrated and didn't want to talk to me any longer. I can tell she is worried. I just think we need to butt out. My mom can be a very difficult person to deal with and I know no matter what we may say, she will not listen.

 Should I feel guilty for not being more concerned?

Re: Parent's marriage

  • I agree with you.  If your Mom asks for help you can look into it more at that time, but it seems best to mind your own business and let them work it out.
    image "...Saving just one pet won't change the world...but, surely, the world will change for that one pet..."
  • I'm with you. They're both adults and can work this out themselves. And no, I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about.
  • I am with you.

    Why do you think your sister is so invested in the situation? 

  • DaringMiss-My sister is a worrier by nature. She is concerned that my mom would not be able to support herself. My mom is in her early 50s. She is capable of getting a job. My sister wants my mom to move in with her, so that she will have a place to go. Out of the 3 of us, she thinks she can handle my mom the best and I'm not sure I disagree. DH and my mom do not get along and I just had a baby 6 months ago. I don't think my house would be the best fit. My other sister and my mom fight constantly. They would drive each other nuts.
  • if it's not your marriage STAY OUT OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    and your sister should have enough sense that, when SF calls, she tells him it's none of her business and doesn't get involved either. he should NOT be venting to his wife's daughter. that's completely inapporpriate.

    Friday, December 28 2012. The day I had emergency appendix surgery in Mexico and quit smoking. Proof that everything has a good side!! DH and I are happily child-free!! No due date or toddler tickers here!! my read shelf:
    Alison's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf) 
  • ali-You're right, but I just talked to my other sister and she says he was calling to make sure my mom had somewhere to do when they separate. Apparently, he is taking steps towards a divorce. I think he felt that he had to explain the situation before he took action. He doesn't want us to think he just decided one day to leave my mom with nothing. I guess I can kinda understand that, but he owes us no explanation.
  • imagesacmar:
    ali-You're right, but I just talked to my other sister and she says he was calling to make sure my mom had somewhere to do when they separate. Apparently, he is taking steps towards a divorce. I think he felt that he had to explain the situation before he took action. He doesn't want us to think he just decided one day to leave my mom with nothing. I guess I can kinda understand that, but he owes us no explanation.

    no excuse!!! your mom can easily figure out to pick up the phone and call oneo f you if the time comes. i can understand, to a degree, what he was doing as well but really-it's none of your or your sisters business you know what I mean?

    he needs to talk to your mom-not your sister.

    i think you're right by staying out of it.

    Friday, December 28 2012. The day I had emergency appendix surgery in Mexico and quit smoking. Proof that everything has a good side!! DH and I are happily child-free!! No due date or toddler tickers here!! my read shelf:
    Alison's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf) 
  • Thanks, ladies. I feel better about my decision to butt out. I have my own issues to deal with. I don't need anyone else's.
  • If your mom has no idea the divorce is coming, I would probably let her know. Above that, I agree that she's an adult and can ask for help if she needs it.
  • casmgn-I think she knows, but is in denial or just not taking it seriously enough. I don't know which one it is. I just hope she gets herself together.
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