Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
overreacting maybe?? kinda long
Ok so my MIL and I took jobs together in August as temps hoping to be hired on full time. I did get hired on however she did not. She claims to be fine with this and that she is happy for me, especaially since while working there she has decided it is not a job she really wants long term anyhow. I guess that over the last week or so she and my FIL have been discussing how much longer she even wants to work before she calls it quits and works on their farm full time. This does not bother me, I understand that she doesn't want to be there, except that she didn't tell me until last night as we were driving home(we carpull since we live 40ish miles from work) that she had planned on making that day her last but had changed her mind and was going to work for a while longer. At first I understood her wanting to keep it a secret until she was sure but she did tell one person during the day (he left at lunch time) that it was nice working with him but it was probably going to be the last day. The biggest thing was that DH and I have been thinkin about moving closer to where we work but what has been holding me back is not wanting to leave her having to drive to work alone all the time but it seems that she didn't think about giving me a heads up even. All I can think is how stupid would I have looked if after she did quit people had asked me if I knew it was coming and I said no. Am I overreacting? Should I say anything? I guess what hurts me the most is it feels like she doesn't feel like she can trust me with her secrets...although she has no problem telling me about every other detail of her life...and I mean every detail
Re: overreacting maybe?? kinda long
Its her decision, and I do think you are overreacting. She was actually doing you a favor, because if she told you, and management then came to you and asked if you knew, they could be pissed at your for not giving them a heads up.
And, its carpool, not pull, btw.
I would not worry about it.
Your MIL clearly did not have "firm" plans to leave the company / quit temping. It's not as if you were "the last to know." In fact, after deciding to stay, she actually trusted you with the information that she was thinking of leaving (which is a far bigger secret, IMO, since people considering leaving a company will often be considered for layoffs first).
On the other hand, I would not revolve your and dh's housing plans around being able to drive MIL to work. She needs to do what is best for HER life / career / household / farm, and you need to do what is best for you and DH. It's not a betrayal if you can no longer be her car pool buddy.
When people act you if you saw it coming, which I don't why they couldn't see it coming, all you have to say is "Yeah, I mean it's a temp job, and she always talked about going to work on the farm full-time."
Check us out
I agree with the others.
I do get having a momentary thought along the lines of "We drive together every day and you didn't tell me this. Maybe we're not as close as I thought. Plus it affects my life too and you didn't even think I might want a heads up."
But as soon as that thought went through my head, I would then think that this is her life, she did not in fact leave so actually nothing changed, and that since I work there too it's probably better not to be involved in her back and forth about leaving. So I get your feeling but you need to remind yourself of all the things the posters are saying. It is a bit self-centered to have the reaction you are having.
Also, if moving is best for you and your H, you really shouldn't put those plans on hold just because you carpool with someone.
People with poor boundaries usually have trouble disinguishing between revelant information and irrelevant information. Like she'll tell you every detail of her bodily functions but will fail to tell you that she may not carpool any longer.
Anyway, she may pretent to be "okay" with not being chosen for permanent employment but it seems like she's struggling with it.
You shouldn't postpone moving b/c she'll loose a carpool buddy. And she shouldn't postpone her short and long term plans to carpool with you.
She should given them and you 2-weeks notice.
And no, you are not expected to know her plans. Or agree with them. Or tell anyone about them.
Overreacting, and to follow on another poster, I'm amazed at how you're making this all about you.
I really doubt anyone is going to care or even ask you when you were told vs them.
This is her life and her job, she doesn't owe it to you to tell you anything if she so chooses.
And I cant emphasize enough - it's ridiculous for you and your DH to not move so that she doesn't lose her carpool buddy. And a carpool that is to a temp job...???
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
get over it. hear leaving has NOTHING to do with you. if you wanted to move you should've said something to her if you were SO concerned about her driving. you would've been told to not worry about it.
and surely you mean 'carpool' and not 'carpull'