sex slump

mlakers625 · April 2011

i have been married 2 1/2 years and our sex life is pretty much non-existent. when we do do it, there is no foreplay involved. my husband has made it clear that he does not like oral sex and will not perform it on me, even though i perform it on him and tell him that i enjoy it. because of this, i have started to resent him and don't even really feel like having sex. any suggestions how to get out of this slump????

sweetface83 · April 2011

Did you have sex before you got married? Maybe you can ask him if he will be open to a hand job. A counselor can maybe help you get to the bottom of your issues. Either way, it needs to be made clear that your needs and wishes deserve as much respect and consideration as his.

TarponMonoxide · April 2011

Very simple: You end the oral action until he starts anteing up.

What you need to do: discuss this at length with him. Find out why he won't do oral --- and yeah, what was your sex life like before you got married? Is all of this fairly recent behavior --- how long has it been going on?

hbird315 · April 2011

TarponMonoxide:
Very simple: You end the oral action until he starts anteing up.
What you need to do: discuss this at length with him. Find out why he won't do oral --- and yeah, what was your sex life like before you got married? Is all of this fairly recent behavior --- how long has it been going on?

This!

beyoga · April 2011

When we first started dating I asked dh if he "goes downtown." If he didn't, that would have been a deal breaker for me. Have you asked him why he is so against this? Sounds like you two need to sit down and talk.

DaringMiss · April 2011

Of course you resent him. He is being selfish and you have permitted it. I wouldn't want to have sex with a selfish lover either.

Now do you want to just have more of the selfish sex or do you want to have more, better quality sex?

Lane05 · April 2011

I agree with most of the PP. I also am curious how your husband justifies you preforming oral sex on him but he won't on you? Sounds like you two need to have a serious conversation about this before the sex stops all together. I've never been to a counselor for these issues - but if your husband is resistant to your talks maybe it would be good to have a neutral third party help you guys out.

SarahWaggy · April 2011

TarponMonoxide:
Very simple: You end the oral action until he starts anteing up.
What you need to do: discuss this at length with him. Find out why he won't do oral --- and yeah, what was your sex life like before you got married? Is all of this fairly recent behavior --- how long has it been going on?

Yeah, this for sure. It's in no way fair for him to expect something of you that he can't return. He doesn't have to LIKE it to at least let YOU enjoy yourself.

AqandLa · April 2011

Also agreeing with PP - DH is probably orgamsing both through regular intercourse and from you going down on him, whereas you are probably not orgasming, or orgasming much less often, through regular intercourse, and of course, you're not getting the chance to orgasm at all from oral sex, which is the most reliable way for many women! This is totally not fair and this is definitely grounds for a serious conversation where you make it clear that the only option is change. You deserve sexual satisfaction every bit as much as he does! Go to a counselour to sort this out, because selfishness like this in the bedroom is probably showing up a bunch of other places in your marriage.

Mynders10 · April 2011

Doesn't like oral sex huh? Well, I'd tell him he needs to get over that really quick. Sex is an important part of a relationship and both parties should be satisfied, not just your husband. You should tell him how this makes you feel. If he wants to do his part in being a good husband he should make you want to feel good. Put your foot down and get your rocks off girl.

hedgehog831 · May 2011

i'm in a similar situation, no sex for almost 2 months. married for 5 years, dating for 7 before that. DH used to eat me up like an all you can eat buffet (sometimes independent of sex) and we had sex at least twice a week. i'm sure time and familiarity have worked against us, but i'm only 7 pounds heavier with more curves in the right places. now, i get a few touches for "foreplay" if i'm lucky, so really don't feel like investing the time or energy for sex that only leaves me partially satisfied. i've tried to talk to him about this but don't know hurt without hurting his feelings. we've both turned to masturbation. there are a few porn sites in our history (nothing excessive) so we're both releasing our sexual energy, but we need to reconnect on a physical level to have a healthier relationship, as do you. i do love to give bj's, but that's also slacked off after i've asked him to return the favor for me and he's conveniently fallen asleep or just snuggled in for some spooning. sorry for the sob story without much advice but i just wanted you to know that you're not alone.

sex slump

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