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In-Laws that seem to always seem to one 'up' us.
My fiancee is the younger of two boys by a few years and I completely understand that they are going to do things first. They got married first, they got their own house first ect. It is just that when ever my fiancee and I do something big they seem to top it and I don't think it is intentional but it sort of sucks. Well I hope it is not intentional.
The first time I met my fiancee's family was the week of their shower (I know they did not plan that). The first time I met the grandparents was after their second honeymoon and everything was about the pictures from Hawaii (they go on one every year, do not get me started on how every vacation is not another 'honey moon'). Our one year anniversary they actually win the lottery, not a big one but like $50,000. My fiancee's birthday they buy new house, the next year they just forget about his birthday party all together and everyone kept calling them because we were waiting for them so we could order the pizza. Four hours after the party started they returned the calls and said they forgot and would not make it. My fiancee got a promotion, his brother announced he quit his job for a better job. We got engaged, they moved to Japan for three months for his job. The farewell party and engagement party were combined.
I also sort of have the feeling that my fiancee's sister in law doesn't like us. She doesn't talk to us at all outside of family functions. My fiancee and his brother used to be close they would bowl once a week and then hang out at a bar or catch a movie another day and now they never see each other, except at family events. We got invited by his brother to a New Years party then were told it was canceled, the next week on facebook we saw the 'canceled' party's pictures. They told us it was a last minute thing.
Five months ago we announced the wedding date, last week they announced they were pregnant, and you guessed it, the baby is due the month before our wedding.
I know this all seems like big life stuff they do not plan, but it is starting to get excessive. I mean I love babies and am happy for them but for the love of god could we have six months about my fiancee and myself.
Re: In-Laws that seem to always seem to one 'up' us.
1.) They are inconsiderate jerks. Don't invite them to things.
2.) Let the rest go. They seem to be leading a charmed life. Sometimes luck just falls that way.
I try but it is a little hard because we do not have a lot in common. I've discovered over the years that we do not like similar movies [I'l odd in that I am so an action chick], we do not like the same sorts of tv programming [fiancee and I watch History Channel and Discover an National Geographic, they watch reality TV], I don't watch sports and they are both huge sports fanatics but I am trying because my fiancee is too, but when ever they get into in depth discussions about the players I am happy if I recognize a name.
I get along great with the parent-in-laws and aunts and uncles but I always help with food and clean up at family parties, and you know how women chat about everything over dishes. Neither the brother nor his wife ever help. Truth be told my fiancee did not used to help either but I've got him pitching in now. I think before I joined the family his poor mother did everything. Back to the point though, I try but have very little to talk about with them.
well based on your description these life events do really seem to be coincidental...but at the same time it does sort of seem like the announcements of your fiancee's family do conveniently take place any time something good happens to you and your fiancee...almost like some of the news is unnecessarily held back from you two until the "timing is right to one up you"
HOWEVER, if you don't see his family or speak to them often...if they aren't really apart of your every day life as you make it seem....then perhaps these announcements come up just because you are all in the presence of each other? I mean for example. my DH's family lives here near us, but we only seem to share new information when we are together, not necessarily calling right when it happens.
Anyway, I can relate to your feelings about this situation, I have often felt that DH's sister who was married just 1 year after us has only since (attempted to) brag about all their good fortune they come about. I honestly feel it is an insecurity thing on her end...rather than exhaust myself thinking about it. Plus she is about 6-7 years younger than I, meaning she is 20 years old....I find DH's sister and her husband's immature and quite frankly materialistic and juvenile.
I'm happy for what I've earned and worked for, I'm content with my life. but I can certainly relate and understand how you feel....just try to take yourself outside of it and be the bigger person.... be happy for them for good things in their lives too though. If it were me, any good fortune that would come to us like a pay raise or extra money....i wouldn't say a darn thing to them since it seems to be a competition...just keep to yourself. PLUS think of it this way...maybe, just maybe...some of these so-called great things happening in their lives are also coming with some problems too. I've learned that things aren't always as they seem...don't always assume that your fiancee's family's "great news" doesn't come without complications.
I don't think they moved to Japan to steal your thunder on your engagement.
Or planned their child to one-up your wedding.
They do sounds like jerks about the party. So, I'd move-on to make friends with other people. My SIL didn't want to be friends with me either. I moved when I got married and knew hardly anyone. She was nice enough but never included me in her social circle. Oh well. I made other friends, saw her on the occasional family event. And frankly, its easier to just be 'family' friends, now I see that its a lot less pressure. As for my Dh, he can manage his relationship with his brother without me.They socialize as much as they both want.
Honestly, stop trying to be friends w/ them. It's clear you all don't have anything in common. Be civil and polite at family functions and just leave it at that. You married your DH, you didn't marry BIL or SIL. You dont' HAVE to be buddies w/ them.
Just put aside this idea of being friends. you'll be happier for it.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
The business with your husband's birthday party and the New Year's party was pretty rude. Other than that, you are complaining about stupid stuff. Who cares if they won the lottery on your anniversary? Were they supposed to avoid buying lottery tickets because you got married one year earlier? Your anniversary has nothing to do with their lives. Was your BIL supposed to turn down a good job opportunity because your husband got promoted? Was he supposed to turn down a significant work assignment because you got engaged? You're upset because they wanted to share their vacation pictures with their grandparents the second time you met them?
The world does not revolve around you. This is just life: you date people, you get serious, you get engaged, you get promotions at work, you get married, you have kids, you do stuff. And so does everyone else! No one else's life needs to be put on hold because of what you're doing. To be honest, if you're always this unreasonable, I can understand why they don't want to hang out with you very often. I agree with everyone else- be civil when you see them, and stop expecting anything more from them.
as far as the 'one upping' goes all i see is a bit of jealousy here. you seem to be comparing a LOT and using things that are completely coincidental. stop it. nothing good comes of comparing yourself to others.
as for the inviting etc...they do sound inconsiderate and i would probably not invite them to anything really.
you don't need things in common to like each other. you need things in common to hang around together and so on. it hink they may be pulling away from you because they sense your reaction to things. really-the baby is due a month before your wedding? who cares?! babies happen-i'm sure they didn't get together and say 'oh lets get preggo tonight so that we can steal their thunder for their wedding'. yeah.