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update: friend who got married 7/08
so my bff from high school got married two months after us as you'll remember, and she got divorced (finalized) this past january.
so i was talking to her last night because her h is calling wanting his settlement. she agreed to give him some money in the divorce (she is pretty wealthy through her family) just to get rid of him. but now she doesn't want to give it to him because they were only married for less than 2 years and her house that she brought into the marriage depreciated, not to mention he only paid 1/4 of the mortgage for part of the marriage and then the rest of the time he didn't work and she supported him 100%. she doesn't feel like she owes him a dime. but she did sign the papers.
so anyway... we were talking about that an she told me that before they were married, or while they were married, she was putting away his laundry and she found some porn under his shirts. okay, no biggie except that of maybe 8 dvd's four of them were boy on boy! she confronted him, and he said he bought them at a garage sale (wtf?) before he moved in with her and just bought them all and hadn't gotten around to throwing the gay ones away. so she just drops it.
fast forward to now and they are divorced but she still has his passwords so she goes into his amazon account and sees he's been downloading gay erotica to his kindle! omg.... she's like you know, i thought there was something weird about our sex life. she said she never felt really close to him in the bedroom and he was very vanilla.
wow.
Re: update: friend who got married 7/08
Wow! So does he just have gay tendencies or interests or is he truly gay and wasnt aware?
I understand her not wanting to give him the money, I wouldnt want to either. Why did she offer it though?
your guess is as good as ours! all she knows is what i wrote in the post. it's shocking to me because i thought i had good gaydar but you could knock me over with a feather right now. i would not have suspected he is into men.
she said she just wanted him out of her life and that she felt bad for him because he was broke and had moved his life to her area to be with her. now that time has passed she feels dumb for offering it to him. she really wishes now that she had done a prenup. he of course said he would never take any money from her. she also thought since it's been 4 months that maybe he had decided to not take it after all. so i think the fact that he is appearing again is just opening up old wounds. she emailed him back and said that she thinks they should go by their verbal agreement which was that he would never take anything from her. then he wrote back and said no, we have a legal agreement and i want the money. he said he's going to take her to court if she doesn't give it to him. so she offered him a lesser sum and she's waiting to hear back. obviously she has no leg to stand on legally but i think she's just mad and doesn't want to make it easy on him to take her money. the money is inheritance money from when her dad died (waaaaaaaaay before he was in the picture) so it's not even like it's part of the earnings she made while they were married.
Oh man!! That is priceless. Maybe she could some how use that knowledge to keep from paying him... oh wait that extortion... LOL
On a related note when H and I were dating he had me log into his email account to check something for him. Well being the nosy person I am I poked around his email account. Um year there was an email confirming his membership to a transsexual dating service and a bunch of profiles saved in his account. I FTFO!! Of course I couldnt say anything to him since I was being all nosy and everything. So I promptly called one of his friends girlfriends and confided in her. She assured me it had to be a practical joke from one of the other guys but I was spooked for a while. Then a few weeks later one of his friends mentioned that he pranked H by signing him up for that site!
FUUUUNNNNN. At least she found out after they were married?
Honestly, I don't think it matters when you find out the person you married to is/could be gay. Its still a pretty sh*tty thing to find out.
From the initial post - I feel really bad about her situation. It seems like she's an overall really good & trusting person who fell in love and trusted her future life partner. Seems like things started to unravel and then,,,,,things REALLY started to unravel (ie: things started making sense-in hindsight).
But the whole H's excuse of "i didn't get to throwing away the gay porn" is just plain shady....what does he mean really? ummm?...."i was just so tired when I was planning to throw them out, that i had to take a pit stop at the laundry basket....I just couldn't make it all the way to the garbage-can honey...." ?? WTF - seriously?
Either way, gay, bi, straight...he should have just been honest....but all under the bridge now- they are done & she can find a great guy knowing she's been a generous & true person, while he's been a major "$ loving-S**t bag".
All in all, it just sucks so bad that (I think) he might be abe to win this $ issue, since she signed on it.
Good luck & vibes to her !!!
ps -Sorry, I'm a little grumpy this morning....and oh yeah, how low can he stoop going after her inheritance?....seriously?....makes me think he's been planning this out all alon... which is even worse. scum.
Married Bio: http://tinypic.com/r/f25wl1/7>
My Bio
Oh wow! That's definitely a shocker.
Yah I wouldn't want to give him money either but if she signed she'll have to pay. If he does however agree to the lesser amount she better get that in legal writing because he could be back after wanting more ugh
Hopefully soon her nightmare is over