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New and low sex drive!
Hi there! I have been married about 10 months. My hubbie and I both waited till marriage to have sex. It still hurts sometimes but not terrible. The thing is, I really don't have a sex drive at all, nor have I ever. 
I'm only 23 yrs old and I know that is rare at my age. I try and initate things with my loving hubbie as much as I can, like once or twice a week, but I am getting tired of initating things. When we were dating I turned him down quite a bit, so he has lost his drive to initate for fear of denial. (I dont blame him a bit for this!) I guess my question is, what do I do? I know i need to initate things for things to actually happen but I am getting so tired of initatiang something that I am not even in the mood for. I feel like a terrible wife
Re: New and low sex drive!
Hi there! Congrats on your marriage! I'm sorry to hear that you're having problems. I've had issues with low sex drives too..it sucks, I'm sorry. Does it vary along with your cycle, or is your sex drive constantly low? I've heard that sometimes your sex drive can be lower right before/during your period. Second, are you on any medicines or birth control pills? I'm on lots of different antidepressants, thyroid medicine, and yaz, so it messes with my sex drive alot. If you are on any meds, you could ask your doctor or pharmacist about how they could affect your sex drive. It could just be stress... what do you do for a living, or are you still in school? Finally, this is a personal question and you do not have to answer it if you dont feel comfortable, but was he your first, and if not did you have this same problem with previous partners?
My biggest point is DO NOT FEEL BAD. THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD WIFE. This is very common. Is his sex drive low too or does he want to have sex more often? You said you feel like you have to initiate things often,and you shouldn't have to. Though, as I think about it, I think I do too in my relationship....
I would just sit down with him and have a conversation about sex. No matter how long you have been together, it can be an awkward topic, but it's important to be able to talk about this. Tell him what you want from your sex life and about how you feel like you have to initiate it alot. You mentioned him being afraid about being rejected, maybe just assure him that you are attracted him and that for whatever reason you did not want to have sex while you were dating, but now you do want to and that you would like it if he could initiate it more. As for it hurting sometimes, make sure you are both "ready", and even then sometimes it may help to use lube (or if you use condoms, some of them have lube on them.) Or you can experiment with different positions if you are comfortable.
I hope this helps. I hope I didnt just blab on. Im sorry if I'm being annoying, I dont claim to be an expert or anything by far (after all, FI was my first boyfriend) but I am a psychology major just about to get a BA and I am extremely interested in the issue of sexuality and relationships.
Good luck hun!
Have you masturbated?
If not, start. Maybe it's all a matter of learning to find out what touches turn you on.
After you find out what makes you orgasm, show him.:)
Don't forget foreplay, lots of lube and going slowly.
I am sorry to hear this. Has it been like this a while in your marriage? Or is this a recent development? I think a LOT of people go through a "dry" patch after the "honeymoon" is over, so to speak. And sometimes it takes being a little creative and adventurous to get people back on track. Anything from a date-night, drinks, roleplay, toys can help put the drive back in you. Is there something that maybe YOU AREN'T getting that you would like to try or talk about?
Have you talked to HIM about this?
Maybe you should consider talking to a counsellor about it? I know that probably seems rash, but maybe you guys really need to talk to someone before something goes awry.
masturbate to figure out what you like don't like so that you can tell your husband (move here, touch there..) the more comfortable you are with your own body and what makes you feel good the more you'll enjoy sex with someone else.
Talk about it with your husband. Be open. If you feel like you do all the initiating and feel like maybe he doesn't like to anymore let him know how you feel. Maybe he's trying to respect you or maybe he's still nervous or not sure if he's very good (could be a lot of things)
Talk to him. He can't read your mind.
DH is likely disappointed that after being "good" . That sex after marriage didn't make the sun shine and the birds sing. He maybe turned off after not having as good a time as porn stars appear to.
Time for you to initiate and not hint. He maybe a man but he should figure out the obvious if you run around naked and keep well groomed.
Try talking to him about it. The only way he is going to know what is going on indise your head is by talking to him. We all wish that they could puck up out subtle hints but really lets face it.... we need to be as subtle as a natural disaster to get them to get the pic. So be honest and maybe suggest an exploritory night do that you two can truly explore eachothers bodies. If you two have never been with another there is a lot of passion and fun to learn how to have. I hope this helps you. I have been married 2 years and we have been together for 10 and we are very sexual people. He was no experienced AT ALL and we just had fun expolring and learning eahothers bodies and what each other likes. It should be fun! so have fun with it!
I think a lot of this has to do with you guys both were new together and so you guys are probably still a bit shy about stuff.. Be real open to him about what you wanna do what you wanna try.. I saved myself for him and I had a time after I lost my virginity that I wanted sex all the time but after awhile I while I sorta got bored of the same things over and over again and lost my sex drive I am trying to get him into trying new things but hes not to into it. Good Luck