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I need advice pls...(sorry its long)
I'm photographing my bestfriend's brother's wedding in May. My bestfriend does not get a long with her future SIL, it all started when she became a single mom. She's the only daughter and my guess is there's a bit of jealousy going on, since attentions are divided. Her being pregnant was a total accident, so initially the family was disappointed and she felt really down and lacking family support. Her daughter is now 3yrs old and the family loves her, but my bestfriend still feels as if she still don't have that much family support especially from her older brother (they used to be so close) hence the anger towards SIL. Now, she's telling me she is not attending the wedding and there's nothing that can change her mind. I really do not want her to regret missing her brother's wedding, photographing the family will be so sad if she and her daughter will not be there. I asked her to reconsider and she told me to leave the subject alone. DH told me to not quit on her, she has gone through a lot, divorce from first marriage, got pregnant by a guy she thought would replace her abusive ex-husband but she ended becoming a single mom. SHe's gotten much better but she won't let go of the bitterness towards her family, even if sometimes she have fun times with them (according to her not including her SIL). Oh, she is also upset that her daughter is a flower girl, and from what I gathered, the wedding party is really small (a MOH, 2 BMs, Junior BM, a flower girl, and a ring bearer) and the SIL believed her daughter would be too young to walk down the aisle and won't really need two flower girls. I explained this to my BF her response, "I'm still not going, sorry!"
Should I just leave it alone? I know how much she loves her brother, but because of her anger she is willing to miss the biggest day of his life. She manage to convice herself that he has not done anything for her so why should she do something for him. I know she had cancelled on me before whenever I invite her to gatherings at our house because of feeling left out because most of our friends including myself are married or dating someone. I understand that part but this is her brother's wedding.
Her birthday is coming up (2 wks before the wedding) and I am planning a surprise for her, we're going to brunch and I invited our close friends and her two brothers will be there too, I asked the SIL but I think she's retaliating and won't be coming because of "work" (she's a cop) she invited my bestfriend and her future MIL to her bridal shower and they didnt show up (the MIL had to work) my bestfriend obviously didnt want to go. Anyways, I'm hoping this will give her a change of heart and decide to attend.
Sorry so long, any input?
Re: I need advice pls...(sorry its long)
I'm with Nicole, stay out of it unless she asked you to be involved.
DX: 6/9/2011: Azoo ICSI/IVF only option for biological child
IVF #1: ER - 9/26 * ET - 10/1 * beta#1 10/13 - 140 * beta#2 10/17 - 477 * beta#3 10/20 - 1101
1st u/s at 6w6d - one hb * 2nd u/s at 8w3d - no hb detected 11/10/11 * natural m/c 11/13/11
FET #1 Jan/Feb 2012 - 3 delays - cancelled 2/13
FET #1.2 - May/June 2012 - ET 6/6/* beta#1 6/15 - 95 * beta #2 6/19 - 322 * beta #3 6/22 - 940
7/6 1st u/s @ 7 weeks - one beautiful hb - released from RE
EDD 2/22/2013
PAIF/SAIF/PGAL welcome
I agree w/ everyone else. This is not your problem. I realize it's your BFF... but like Nicole said, you are a vendor to these people, not their counselor. It's a business thing. If your friend regrets it down the road then that's her fault, it's not your place to try and force her to go.
I also don't think you should try to force them together @ brunch. They are all adults (i'm assuming).
So far it's unannimous. MYOB in this case. Imagine this... you encourage her to go and she finally agrees to it, then something horrible worst case scenario happens and suddenly it's your fault for being the one to talk her into attending unwillingly. I guess possibly I would talk to her brother about it and get his opinion. Maybe the wedding is just a formality for him and it's really SIL's thing and he couldn't care less. Unlikely, but men are strange. And if by some chance he thinks it's really important, than possibly you should tell her that... Tough one. GL!
Because of her situation, she has collected a lot of anger inside her and part of it is SIL taking her place (her brother and SIL) lived at her parent's house for a little while, while they saved for their own house. Meanwhile, my bff was living at her own place. When she moved back in after her divorced and gotten pregnant etc. she was determined to take her spot back (as the ONLY daughter). Ever since then she started hating her SIL gutts. She has a lot of insecurities which resulted from all the heartaches she went through. I really just want her to be happy again, hence the Surprise brunch. I want her to feel special, because for awhile she has not been feeling that.
It sounds like you are being a really great friend. And the brunch seems really nice. I don't see how anyone assumed it was forced??