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No longer a priority (vent) (kinda long)
First a back story. Dylan and I live an hour away from each other. I work full time and Dylan goes to school full time as well as works. Before we started dating, I knew Dylan didn't have many semesters left until he graduated. We have always dealt with it before by having a date night. Once a month, we would go out to eat. Lately it feels like everything is more work. With the wedding coming closer and closer, it feels like we don't spend any time together at all. The only times I get to see him is when he isn't at school or working on Mondays and Tuesdays.
Whenever we talk, it feels like he isn't listening, paying attention, or just doesn't care. It feels like I'm not a priority any more. In addition, we don't have sex as much any more. He rejects me and it makes me feel like he's not attracted to me any more. I've talked to him before and he makes me feel guilty for feeling like that and tries to reassure me that he is. But he doesn't do anything more than say words. I understand that there are times when he feels burned out, we all feel that way but it's like he doesn't want me to know he doesn't find me attractive any more. He may still be sexually attracted to me still, but he only tells me his. I want to feel like he is.
I wish he would be able to show me how he feels instead of always tell me. He shows me that he loves me but I want more. I want to feel like he's sexually attracted to me. I want to feel wanted. When we do have sex, it's like there is no passion any more. We used to have lusty and romantic/passion sex. Now it's romantic/passion, no feeling, or no sex at all. I don't know what to do and I keep trying to work through everything. I just don't want us to be stuck in a rut already.
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Re: No longer a priority (vent) (kinda long)
This.
Also, what about doing some pre-marital councelling?
Ditto to all of this.
I can't imagine working full time, going to school full time, and trying to plan a wedding. I ran myself ragged just working full time and planning a wedding, so I can imagine how you must feel.
I know I definitely got a little more needy emotionally speaking, as we closed in on the big day. Also stress can affect your sex drive, which could be your fiance's problem.What all are you trying to talk to him about? Is it all the stuff you would talk about even before you got engaged or is it mostly wedding stuff?
I was really in to discussing the details of our wedding with DH or anyone who I could corner, but after a certain amount his eyes would glaze over. It's not that he doesn't care about you or the wedding, most guys just aren't into the minutia.
You said that when you talk to him about it, he makes you feel guilty. Do you think he's trying to make you feel guilty or is it just sort of happening?
If he's not saying things like "you make me feel bad when you say ......" or somehow implying that it's your fault, it may not be intentional, or you might just be feeling bad for wanting more than he's giving right now.
You wanting more is in no way a bad or a wrong thing, but it is something that needs to be completely hashed out before the wedding. You don't want to spend the rest of your life, or next several years, in an unsatisfying relationship.That wouldn't be fair to either of you.
Go to a few sessions with a premarital counselor, who can help you guys talk about the issues that you're having and make sure that you're going into this marriage with matching, and realistic expectations.