Open Letters

Xan921 · April 2011

Let em rip!

Xan921 · April 2011

Dear Friend,

You are 26 years old yet had to borrow gas money from me the other day. Really? At 26 I?d expect you to have at least $20 for gas. I love you lots but it?s time for you to grow up a bit.

Love,

Your grown up friend

Dear Mom,

It hurt my feelings the other day when I saw you left messages on my brother and sister?s facebooks asking how they were and saying you miss them but not mine. Then when I called you that night, you didn?t even once ask me how I was doing or what was new with me. All you ever do is talk about yourself or how wonderful my siblings are doing so I guess I shouldn?t be surprised.

Eh,

Your least favorite child

Dear Jason,

If you continue to make ice and do the dishes at 6am, 50 minutes before I have to be up for work, I may just have to kill you. I love that you do household chores, but there are good times and bad times for that?bad time is when you wake your wife up early banging pots and pans around, you know I?m already cranky in the morning to begin with.

Love,

Your sleepy wife

Dear Grandmother-inlaw,

I understand you want an 8X10 picture of us from the wedding; I have ordered it and will give it to you at Easter. I?m not driving an hour each way just to hand you a picture that you could have easily ordered yourself. Please stop calling me ?reminding? me you really want the picture and please stop telling Jason?s Mom to text me about it.

Love,

Your granddaughter-inlaw who is going to rip the picture up if you call one more time

Boynton1286 · April 2011

Xan921:

Dear Grandmother-inlaw,

I understand you want an 8X10 picture of us from the wedding; I have ordered it and will give it to you at Easter. I?m not driving an hour each way just to hand you a picture that you could have easily ordered yourself. Please stop calling me ?reminding? me you really want the picture and please stop telling Jason?s Mom to text me about it.

Love,

Your granddaughter-inlaw who is going to rip the picture up if you call one more time

LOL!!! This is mine too!

Dear Grandmother-in-Law,

I already hate you for how you acted at our rehearsal, if you haven't noticed I avoid you at all costs. Why do you think that I didn't come to your birthday dinner? A. We didn't know about it until that day, B. I didn't want you to ask me about the "proofs" (that are nonexsistent, this is 2011-we don't have proofs) and C. I loathe you. I know what picture you want and I haven't ordered it because you really rub me the wrong way and frankly I don't want to have to bring it to you. So you should have it by Chirstmas when I am forced to see you since I won't have to work this year.

love,

Your Granddaughter-in-law that has a soul unlike you

Dear Farm Owners,

We would really like to rent or buy the farm, can you please make up your flipping mind on what the he!! you are going to do with it. I am getting really tired of busting my @ss down there in hopes that you will allow us to buy it, or at the very least rent it. Oh, and let that ancient old Professor that you think is the Bovine God know that we have only lost 3 calves this year, last year they lost 15, in my opinion that is a pretty d@mn good number. So shove it!

Thanks,

Hopeful Farm Owner

Mia2700 · April 2011

Dear Kearstin,

Why are you getting fat again?! You JUST did the cleanse to clean yourself out and jump start things again.. and look where you're headed already. Warm weather is coming and nothing is going to fit right if you don't get your sh!t together ASAP. Please don't become that fit attractive fiance that turns into a fat sloppy wife.

With Love,

Fat Assssss

Patineuse1124 · April 2011

Dear bank,

Give us our freaking close date already!

Sincerely,

I want my damn house!

Dear co-worker,

Your incompetence is not an excuse to not give me the data I need on time. I even gave you my syntax code from when I worked on the project before. Guess what, nobody held my hand when I did this work before I had to figure it out on my own and start from scratch. I'm sick of holding your hand, stop asking me questions that you can easily solve on your own.

Sincerely,

Your overworked co-worker

nfp147 · April 2011

Dear Work,

Please just take care of yourself this week. You are really boring me.

Thanks,

Bored and Lazy

Dear Truck,

Please be good while you are at the dealership and try not to cost us too much. I'll even give you some premium gas as a reward.

Thanks,

Your co-pilot

Dear Boomer,

Please try to be more co-operative with this whole "going to the bathroom where I want you to and not all over the backyard" thing.

Thanks,

Mommy

christieep · April 2011

This came at just the right time because someone JUST irritated me.

Dear Parents of Junior Students,

Please don't question how I run the prom. This is the 6th prom I have put together at this school and the last 5 have all been successful (some more than others, but none of them were a dud). Don't question what I do. Yes the caterer wants to be paid before and needs a head count before the dance. This isn't McDonald's things aren't made to order. If there is extra food, so be it, but honestly have you seen high school boys eat? It is ridiculous.

Also don't reminisce how it was when your previous son or daughter was a junior. For most of you, I was the advisor that time too, I know how things were done. Just let me be! It will all be okay!!!! If this prom is a flop I promise I'll let someone else be prom advisor next year, but good freaking luck finding another sucker to take this crappy job.

schuette2 · April 2011

Dear body,

Please remove yourself from the computer chair, and get your arse in the kitchen - those cookies won't make themselves. Also, this apartment is in dire need of a deep cleaning. When the kitty begins eating the bugs she kills, it's a good sign that the cleaning fairy is not coming for a visit - do it yourself.

- Mind

Dear day off,

I'd appreciate it if you would help me be more productive today. You're not helping with the above.

-Me.

hz80408 · April 2011

Dear Engaged Friend,

I love you to pieces, but I honestly can't wait until your wedding is over. You didn't show much interested in mine, but now that it's your turn you expect me to be head over heels excited and I'm kind of already over it.

Love,

The Married Wife

___

Dear Self,

It was okay to take a week off from running/the gym when you had the flu, but you really need to get back into it now.

-Lazy Butt

coppcw08 · April 2011

Dear Husband,

Thank you for being so sweet & taking care of my sick butt. I love you for letting me sleep late and bringing me toast and Gatorade in bed this morning. Thank you for switching sides of the bed with me last night since your side of the bed is closer to the door in case I had to run to the bathroom to get sick. Little stuff like that makes me have a really big crush on you.

Love, The hot mess laying on the couch

_______

Dear 3 year old Niece,

You have no idea how much it makes my day when you ask to talk to me on the phone. I miss your little face so much! Thanks for telling me about your new haircut, your new Crocs, and that your little sister has a cold. It broke my heart when you asked me when Clinton and I are "coming home" to watch "Tangled" with you. Even typing it now makes me want to cry a little. I'm so head over heels in love with you, it's ridiculous. I hope my own kids will be that awesome.

Love, Shawa

_______

Dear everyone,

Please don't forget to keep checking back with my food blog, littlemissnewlywed.com! I've really been staying on top of keeping it updated, and I love watching my number of views & visits going up. Bonus points for anyone who clicks the (admittedly ridiculous) ads along the left side. It earns me a few cents, thus helping me buy more delicious food to try yummy new recipes. Win-win! And don't worry about the ads being dumb. I'm switching from "Google Adsense" to "FoodBuzz Advertising" very soon!

Love, LMN

________

Dear Chelsea from "Teen Mom 2,"

You really are an idiot. I can get wanting to have a traditional family, but there comes a time when you're just going to have to accept that sometimes it isn't possible. Life and marriage (and I'm sure parenting) are challenging enough without some unemployed douche living in your house, picking fights with your dad, and calling you a f---ing b----. Start setting a good example for your daughter so she doesn't grow up to be a desperate doormat too.

Thanks, Sara

PS- Your hair looks ridiculous on this reunion show.

Xan921 · April 2011

coppcw08:

from "Teen Mom 2,"

You really are an idiot. I can get wanting to have a traditional family, but there comes a time when you're just going to have to accept that sometimes it isn't possible. Life and marriage (and I'm sure parenting) are challenging enough without some unemployed douche living in your house, picking fights with your dad, and calling you a f---ing b----. Start setting a good example for your daughter so she doesn't grow up to be a desperate doormat too.

Thanks, Sara

PS- Your hair looks ridiculous on this reunion show.

Couldn't agree with you more! Her hair already looked like a rats nest before, and now it's just brighter and even uglier.

OceanHutt · April 2011

Dear 27 Guidance apps....and counting

PLEASE employ me....PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! I spend every day freaking out that i've just wasted 4 years and $40,000 for nothing.....I'm worried and scared and confused and freaked out about the whole thing and i really hate feeling like that atleast ONCE a day if not ALL day PLEASE?

Ashley

Dear fellow applicants,

GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

your compitition

MeganJ26 · April 2011

Dear restaurants that Steve has applied to,

Someone f-ing hire him already!!! I am tired of not being able to cover all our bills, and he has been applying everywhere for almost 6 months now, and has been told so many times that he would be perfect for the job, only to find out that they went with someone else. Enough already!! We cannot survive much longer with him only working part time at his current job.

Thanks,
His broke-a$s wife

Dear stack of credit apps on my desk,

Please process yourself, because I do not have time for you today.

Thanks,
Stressed out A/R girl

Dear weekend,

Pleeeeease hurry up and get here! I can't wait for all the birthday fun I will be having this weekend, starting tomorrow night with a painting class with my mom

Thanks,
Impatient (almost) birthday girl

Dear husband,

You are the best! Thank you so much for my wonderful birthday present!! I had no idea that you had been saving $20/week for almost 4 months to get it for me, and it really means a lot. I love you so much!

Love,
Your surprised and adoring wife

ead1975 · April 2011

Dear Self,
Please snap out of the blahs. You're bumming out everyone around you. I know you're not close to where you'd hoped to be by this point, but sulking about it isn't going to change things. So knock it off.
Love,
Me

Dear Jack,
We love you, but it's not so easy to remember that fact when you wake us up at 4 am to play and go outside. I don't want to dehydrate you, but after a week of no sleep, your water supply is going bye-bye after 8 pm. We can't function on 3 hours sleep anymore.
Yawn,
Your pooch-parents
PS - Enjoy your nuts while you can, they're outta here next week.

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