Hudson Valley Nesties
Nikosmom
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Your In-laws
I know some of you are fortunate to have really great in-laws. The rest have in-laws that really aren't so hot. . Why do they act like this? Do you have a good relationship with your in-laws? If not, did something happen (a fight, etc) that made them turn? Just wondering what everyone's situation is, if your willing to share!
Re: Your In-laws
My in-laws are divorced, i knew them before the divorce as well. It was messy and resulted in my DH not speaking to his mother for a year. Ok thats one.
My FIL I have absolutely no issues with, he is a push-over when it comes to his ex-wife but not my issue. He has a wonderful heart and would do anything to help DH and I.
My MIL on the other hand, is an alcoholic and we also thing she has either bi-polar disorder or manic depressive, we aren't sure which one because she will never admit to either issue, but it runs in the family on her side. Over the last almost 11 yrs that i have known her she has run hot and cold with me and my DH. She makes promises she never keeps, she LIES constantly about things. She pushed and pushed, couldn't wait for us to get married. We get engaged, BAM she turns crazy. Blowing me off for plans having drunken hissy fits with DH over things she didnt like instead of speaking to us like adults. HAD a massive blow out with my DH 2 days before our wedding threatening not to come. DH finally spilled his guts to her about everything about her he didnt like and his feelings. She wound up coming of course
Its hard to put it in words without experiencing it but she is crazy and it depends on her mood as to how she will react to you. She hasn't personally attacked me really, she has said to thing to DH and behind my back to others. I called her one time while we were engaged (early on) and called her out on it over voicemail cuz i knew she wouldn't actually pick up the phone. Since then she hasn't ever brought things up to me. I basically told her I wasn't going to tolerate her behavior and if DH chose to that was fine that she was his mother but that I didnt deserve to be treated in that manner and i wouldn't stand for it.
So yea- it wasn't really one specific event it was a culmanation of things that started not long before his parents got divorced and has progressively gotten worse. DH does what he has to when he wants to, he will call her from time to time and try to make plans with her which she usually cancels. I am never rude or disrespectful in her presence and we get along while we are together, she plays it off like something is wrong, that when she is in a happy mood. But I however, do not go out of my way for her. I believe she sees me as taking away her son even though they never had a good relationship once he started to develop a mind of his own
WOW sorry so long, i guess i needed to get that off my chest!
i can't decide how to respond!
i'm in the mean-well-usually-but-not-so-hot camp.
it's mostly about personality, definition of family, expectations, miscommunication...
it's not towards me solely. so i guess i should take comfort in that.
eta: i know dh and his family for 28 years, and his step-mom for almost 15 years.
FIL is pretty harmless and I get along well with him, although if DH becomes too much more like him, I may go insane (forgetfulness, inattentiveness, general cluelessness to everything going on around him).
I think I have vented enough about MIL on the board for people to know that there are issues. She is a nice person, but manipulative and narcissistic. I was pretty tolerant of her for the first 5-6 years, but when she really starting harping on the baby thing, including comments to me like "tick tock, tick tock", I started to lose patience.
The last couple of years have made me particularly hostile -- starting when she pitched a fit that we wanted to leave one day early after spending like 8 days there for xmas two years ago -- hello -- my mom was in the hospital again and we knew that every time she got a lung infection, it could be fatal for her -- and MIL has to throw a tantrum about us leaving after ONLY 8 days to go see my mom for ONE day before DH had to be back at work. Add her insistence that we go to the beach with them last summer, in spite of DH's melanoma diagnosis, and my tolerance level is close to zero at this point.
Always missing my Mommy (1954-2010) and Daddy (1943-2012)
TTC since 2009 ; BFP 9/13/10 = MC 10/21/10
DX = DOR/POA (AMH=1.1; AFC=4-5)
Surprise BFP 8/31/11 while waiting to cycle for IVF
Welcomed our little miracle 5/7/12
my read shelf:
I LOVE my MIL, she has been more of a "mom" to me than my mother in the past 6 years. I'm very lucky to have her, and I'm not sure what I'd do without her.
FIL is a good guy and I really enjoy him, but sometimes he's a little too much for me and a PITA, but for the most part we really get along.
i get along great with my inlaws!.
they are always willing to help out with us do things around the house and my MIL was great with the wedding they wanted to know what was going on and gave me opinions but always made sure that i did what i wanted. she said her thoughts once then never again.
my FIL and would do anything and everything to help us out. he is a huge mush.
i guess after reading all these posts i am super lucky to have my IL's i couldn't imagine having issues with them.
I have always gotten along pretty well with my IL's, but I think having Kevin has actually brought me closer to them.
Prior to getting married and even after we got married, I didn't really care for my MIL. I think this is mostly because now I realize how alike she and I both are and in my mind I felt like she was criticizing me when she was trying to offer me advice. It seemed foreign to me b/c the advice that she offers me is really motherly advice and I don't always receive that kind of advice from my own mother. I realize the way she treats me now is the way I should have been parented as a child if that makes any sense. Since Kevin was born, she has really helped me a lot with understanding how I feel about Kevin's reflux and colic issues because DH was colic. She has made me feel a lot better about the situation, much more so than my mother who told me I was spoiling my child and that's why he was crying so much until she heard him screaming his head off one night on the phone.
I never had any issues with my FIL. He is very quiet and has a strong bond with DH, but since having Kevin I feel like he is more connected to me because we gave him a grandson if that makes any sense.
Also, before Kevin was born, we would see DH's parents maybe once a month...sometimes even less. It annoyed me that they wouldn't really come to us. Since Kevin was born, I don't think we have gone more than 2 weeks seeing my IL's or my own parents. This makes me happy b/c I want Kevin around both set of grandparents. My dad had major issues with my mom's parents, so I didn't see them as much as I could or should have when I was a child.
Hello. I've waited here for you. Everlong<3<br>
My relationship with my MIL is good. My FIL died before my husband and I ever started dating. His mom is in a nursing home so that makes it hard but whenever we visit or bring her to the house, etc. we get along.
Honestly, I feel bad for my DH. He got along with my dad, but he died about a year into our relationship. My mom however is one tough cookie. They have defintiely had their arguments (just like her and I have) and sometimes they have been bad. She of course always comes to me. She expects respect (which he gives every time) but her definition of respect is "I am the elder and whatever I say goes" also her opinions are the only ones AND they are always right.
Where to begin? DH's family is small. It was just MIL, FIL and BIL. We had a long distance relationship until he moved to Rockland months before our wedding in 2008. The house was (and still is) "Clean House" worthy so DH would make an effort to clean his room when I visited so the majority of our time was spent in there or out of the house. The family wasn't tight knit to begin with. MIL & FIL let BIL get away with anything (Oh, he doesn't have to take his ADD meds. Oh, that's just BIL! What can we do about it?). I'm sorry, maybe you should not let him drink underage in your home and do tons of drugs? We never agreed on politics (they are very Republican... me, not so much.) I learned to keep my mouth shut. MIL and FIL both drink heavily. MIL is borderline alcoholic so it's not a shock that BIL has issues. They never celebrated holidays so we spent them with my family. We got engaged in 2006... no one cared. Not even a bottle of champagne was opened.
MIL and FIL filed for divorce in 2007. FIL was cheating on MIL and ended up moving in with his mistress (now my SMIL). This caused major tension that still has not died down in the family. MIL would call me up crying about it -- it was very uncomfortable. DH and FIL drifted apart especially when his mistress expected to be invited to our wedding. FIL never came to our wedding. We didn't talk for years. DH began talking to his father again after his stroke. I only saw FIL last year when we got pregnant. He married his gf who changed him for the better. I prefer my FIL and SMIL over my MIL who is the most socially awkward person I've ever met. I no longer speak to her on the phone because she caused issues. She's been using the baby subject to fight with us. Ugh, it's just a nightmare. And let's not forget how she has been talking about getting a mother/daughter house with us for years. Yeah, right.
I don't have official IL but A's family essentially is, so I treat them as so.
FIL and I get along very well. He's courtious, thoughtful, and doens't get involved in business that isn't his. He just stayed at my house for a week and its not the least bit stressful.
MIL, on the other hand, is nice but drives me crazy. She makes the under the table comments, particularly on FB, that makes me want to throat punch. "Maybe you need a new job, K needs her mommy around" or "The reason she is sick all the time is because you keep her at daycare all day". That's right, I keep her at daycare so I can prance around the mall. I always want to respond something along the lines of..."you think i like working an 18 hour day in the middle of the week of 12 hour days plus being on call the weekend before and after?" But I don't because I don't want to put A in the middle of it.
::sigh:: and MIL is coming to stay with me for 5 days next week. pray for me.