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surprise shower for sister
I was planning to throw a small surprise shower for my sister who's second baby is due in May, with just my mom, cousin, aunt and grandma invited. I thought it would be nice to also invite her MIL and SIL so I contacted her DH for their info. He sent me a list of 10 people to invite to the shower including his mom, sister, grandmothers, aunts and cousin. I was planning on having the shower in my living room, which would not comfortably seat that many people, and I don't know them. So I'm just wondering if I should suck it up and invite them, still just invite his mom and sister and explain to him that we wanted just a small shower, or not invite them and not tell him. I'm not sure if this is relevant or not, but at the wedding shower for my sister his mom brought 7 extra people with her that she did not RSVP for (family friends etc), and luckily we were having it in a large space with a lot of extra chairs available, so I have a little concern that if I don't invite them his mom might anyways.
Re: surprise shower for sister
This is a woman who brought 7 uninvited guests to the last shower. Cllearly she has no understanding of etiquette and boundaries. The subtlety of this suggestion would go right over the MIL's head.
Honestly, since there are a couple of cousins and aunts invited on your side, I think it would be a nice gesture to include the father-to-be's aunt and cousin. Just ask him to make it clear to his mom that there are to be NO extras.
At the shower, when it's time to open presents, drag a couple of dining room chairs into the living room for people to sit on. People probably won't even notice the tight fit. And if they do, they will probably be pretty understanding.
Here's my sticking point... you're inviting YOUR grandma, aunt, and cousin, which is who MIL wants to invite.
My initial comment was going to be to tell MIL "Oh, I'm sorry for the confusion. I probably wasn't clear w/ DH. This isn't a shower in the normal sense of the word. this is just a small get together w/ immediate family only.". But you can't say that.
You could say "who are close to sister", but still... you could get into a pissing contest w/ her over what really "close" means. She may claim that if your grandmother is invited, then hers should be too.
My advice- either suck it up and invite all of them (but still make it clear to MIL that this is FAMILY only), or lie. Tell her that your sister isn't comfortable w/a shower for her 2nd so it's not going to take place. then just have a "get together" w/ your side of the family and leave it at that.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I know what you mean about that, but I'm only inviting my one and and one cousin that my sister is super close with, not all of them.
I guess the thing is that inviting 6 guests that are close family members with my sister feels like a little girls afternoon with a chance to eat some treats and have some girl time before the baby comes. And these people already would/have buy baby gifts for her anyways. A shower with 15 guests, some of whom my sister has only met a few times feels more like a gift grab and I know a second baby shower isn't typical so I don't want it to seem like a gift grab/offend people.
It's actually her husband that gave me the list when I asked for his mom's info. I haven't actually talked to his mom about it yet, but just don't want to offend anyone. I just worry about his mom because of how she brought so many guests to the first shower without letting me know.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I'm betting that HE talked to his mother and all those names came from her. ECB is right. This will be more drama than it is worth.
The Princess of Anything is Coming!
Had a dream I was queen.
Woke up. Still queen.
you had to contact your DH for your MIL and SIL info? huh?
who cares what DH wants? invite who you intended to. i dont know why you'd invite mil and sil (clearly you're not close-you didn't have their information) in the first place for your sisters shower. 2nd baby shower to boot.
ask dh if he said anything to them. if not-great-no harm done
No. She contacted her sister's DH for the info of her sister's MIL and SIL.
AH! that makes perfect sense then.
i would still invite as planned.
This is exactly what I was thinking.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
I agree with some others---do not in any way call this a shower. As you know, it is frowned upon anyway for a second baby, plus you would really then be obligated to invite these other people.
You're not even inviting all of your sister's cousins, only the one she is close to. If she is not close to her MIL or SIL, I don't see why they need to be invited. This is more of a luncheon or mini-party to celebrate the baby, with just some very close relatives.
I agreed with sapphireblue except I think you should still invite her MIL because I am sure your BIL already told his mother about the party. I would call her and explain that it is a small luncheon and that maybe BIL misunderstood when he asked for the information. I would explain to the MIL that you do not want it to be a party but just a fun afternoon.