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Am I a horrible person?
**I typed this whole thing up and realized I come off as kind of bitchy and self-centered. It's not an excuse, but I'm PMSing and need to rant about it.**
My MOH is getting married and I'm in the BP. She's def an offbeat bride - isn't big into the wedding planning and general girly-ness of weddings. One of the BMs has taken lead (I don't know who the MOH is) on the shower. But between traveling for work and her own wedding, she's begun to delegate a lot of stuff out to the rest of the BP. Unfortunately, there's delays in info and planning is not getting done. They want to have the shower Memorial day weekend, but we don't have a complete guest list or details to even MAKE the invites. Which me and another BM are now somehow in charge of. (Is it just me or is this kind of crazy? Holiday weekend and we're just NOW starting to plan?)
My shower ended up being planned by my MIL (who was upset with how certain things my MOH was in charge of went down) and my bachelorette was disappointing. I have no desire to put this much effort into her shower.
SO.... am I a horrible person for not wanting to go to all this trouble? In the end, I'm going to suck it up and do part, I'm just apparently still upset over the lack of enthusiasm for mine. :-(
(I will probably DD this on the off chance one of the BM's stumbles this far into the nether of TN. )
Re: Am I a horrible person?
No, not a horrible person at all. One of my friends (who ended up being a reader) put a lot more effort into planning stuff than most of my BMs did. Mostly because my MatronOH thought the MaidOH should do more planning, but that just wasn't happening.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm still extremely bitter with SIL for the schit she pulled at the wedding. I'm pretty much refusing to let it go until she apologizes. But thats never going to happen.
Married / The Cookaholic Wife
Nope, not horrible. I learned, as I'm sure all of us did, in wedding planning titles are just titles and that doesn't necessarily mean one person has or should I say, will take on, more responsibility over the other. Anything goes, and it does kind of suck.
I know that I basically would not have had a shower if it weren't for my MOH, Mom & MIL - most of my BMs, with the exception of two of them, were barely involved in anything at all. So in my opinion, I see it as the MOH/MOB/MOG's deal to plan the majority of the shower, the BM's are delegated things to do/tasks and contribute as needed and just roll with the plans. I do think BM's should be as involved in the process overall and not take the "honor" for granted - I'm not saying you are, I'm mostly talking about my own BP.
Yes, I'm still bitter when I think about it.
09.25.10
Nope not horrible at all. My MOH got married the year before I did, she literally demanded what her shower and bachelorette party would be like, "I want theeeese centerpieces - you guys can't do anything", harrassed the entire BP and got pissed when the BM's bought her the "wrong" gift for her shower. I sucked it up and dealt with it (not knowing any better) because I figured she would do the same for me. WRONG. She was awful during my planning. I still resent her for most of it.
The member of the WP requiring you to do all of this work with no direction, no guest list and no real "planning effort" from the bride? Forget it. Let the MOH deal with it.
nope--im in the SAME situation. only one of my 5 BM's even offered to host a shower or bachelorette party and that was when i lived in CA. so none of my other bridal party friends could come. (which was fine.) however, when i got back to the east coast, my entire party was like "so, when is your shower? when is your party?" and i would say to all of them "never, no one is throwing me one..."
cut to, me being a BM in one of my BM;s wedding. i am hosting the shower and i am jsut not into it. i will do it, and it will be fabulous, but i so.dont.want.to. i think its because she didnt even offer to do anything for mine
Blog
I am extremely grateful that my BP was fabulous. We had such fun at bridesmaidpalooza, my shower and bach night in, etc etc. They all contributed, and they are all now friends and hang together and plan trips together without me where before my wedding most of them were friendly acquaintances. I truly love and appreciate my people. There was one person in it that did not do as much as the others, but everyone knew that going in and avoided putting a lot of responsibility on the squeaky wheel.
As I've gotten older, I have stopped putting out more effort than people deserve. I have a lot of people in my life, and some of them just don't deserve 100% from me.
I'd have to voice my opinion on the fact that invites for the first summer three day weekend should be out by now, and if a guest list cannot be provided by Sunday, the shower should be moved. Dunzo. If it didn't happen, I'd pass those invites on.
No, not at all. My MOH wasn't even into the planning for my shower and bachelorette party. Luckily another BM and I got together and planned things.
Just try to get through it.
Apparently, it's the ONLY weekend that works for both MOB and the (unknowing) bride and who knows who else. There's another BM (sister of the groom) that's supposed to be working on invites too, so I'm going to let her do the bulk of it.
I really don't think ANYone involved realizes this wedding now takes a day out of BOTH Memorial day weekend AND July 4th. So I'm also bitter my only two work holidays are essentially cut into normal weekends.
I forgot to add...
Thank you all. I'm glad I'm not completely crazy. She's so low-key that I know she'll love whatever we plan, and however it works out.
I'd say sorry chicas, I'm not free Memorial Day weekend, I will be sending a check to cover my portion of the shower costs and gift. See you all wedding weekend!
I'm sorry you're having agida over this whole thing.