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S/O New family...
So, 2 years ago, my then 16yo cousin had an ex-girlfriend claiming she was pregnant with his baby. There was some question over whether he was the father but he swore up and down there was no way it was his. She started dating his (ex)best friend and went through the pregnancy and had a little girl. He doesn't take credit or a paternity test and she moves to a different school and they go on with their life (after a sh!t ton of drama with people telling him to man up, him saying it's not his kid, her calling my aunt, blah blah blah).
Fast forward to a month ago, he's 18, going to community college (but near dropping out), and he gets served papers to take a paternity test. Last week, he gets a letter- he is a father! [Insert jaw drop] His ex-gf, who now has their 17 mo old daughter, Paris Bailey, and a 6 wk old that she had with cousin's ex best friend (who is now also her ex-bf), want him to meet and take responsibility for their daughter.
Currently my aunt is pretending like this is not happening and I believe is discouraging my cousin from getting involved. She is worried he is going to get back together with this girl and become a father to both children. C and I are disgusted with this approach and think he does need to man up and take responsibility for it, and he should have taken a paternity test back when she was born.
My cousins were always the popular kids at school, lived in one of the "rich" neighborhoods, and really involved in band and soccer and stuff..now one is 27 and still lives at home and works at a pizza joint, one is 24, lives at home, and has been going to community college for the last 6 years, and then the 18 year old who is failing at community college (but lives in a dorm) and is now a teen father. Oh the drama...
Re: S/O New family...
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Well, I'm going to say that if he doesn't necessarily want to be a part of her life and an active father figure then it's sort of his right to do that. Douchy, yes, but an option.
However, if I were her, I'd be taking him to court for child support. In a heartbeat. The other baby daddy too.
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Oh, it's absolutely well within his rights, but it looks like that little girl is going to need stability (and he and his family may be the ones to provide it), because his mother doesn't seem to be the most stable.
I'm sorry, but I think that if he did end up getting back with her and being a father to both children that would be better than not getting involved and leaving another girl without a father.
I'm kinda with Ali.
In a perfect world, it'd be great for those kids to have a dad, but if your cousin isn't up for it, it's better he stays away to some extent than get involved, then drop out of their lives, then get involved, then drop out, etc. I've seen a lot of that. And it is his choice.
Financial support, though, is not his choice, and he needs to step up and start paying child support for his kid. And that mom needs to go after child support from the other guy too. She's an idiot for not doing it before this.
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So, my question about child support, is if he makes no money, how is it calculated how much he has to give? He doesn't have a job.
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I can see both sides to this. I have a friend that got pregnant in college. She told the father he could either be actively involved or terminate his rights (which meant she wouldn't receive child support). She didn't want someone in and out of her child's life at their convenience. He chose to terminate his rights.
She has an amazing family that helped her. She moved back in with her parents and her dad was an awesome role model for her son. She has since gotten married and her husband adopted her son. In her situation it really worked out to not have the birth father involved.
However, I think he should step and take responsibility.
That's freaking crazy. Wow. I do agree that he should step up and take responsibility [and not be like your aunt and ignore the situation], at least financially. It'd be a douchy move to not get involved personally in the little girl's life, but it'd be better for him to be all in or not at all. However, I've never been in this type of situation, so this is just me looking in from the outside.
I hope it gets resolved and that, in the end, everything works out.