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What Would You Do?
So my aunt in California has been completing a program to learn how to raise and train seeing eye dogs for disabled people. A few months ago, she called my mom to say she was graduating the program, and would love for her to come to San Francisco for a long weekend to see her graduation ceremony and do some sight seeing. My mom invited me and my grandfather to come along, and bought all three plane tickets (for us to pay her back) to make sure we got the same flight.
Well, a few weeks ago, my mom found out that my aunt was not going to be graduating the program after all. She was sick for awhile and missed too much work to make up in time. She got upset at my aunt for not graduating and not calling her to tell her (she found out from my other aunt) and decided not to go on the trip after all. She called me one day at WORK when I was busy to ask what I thought about canceling the trip, and I couldn't give her an answer on the spot. The next time I brought it up with her, she told me she had gone ahead and canceled all three plane tickets. She just called me yesterday to ask me what I thought about paying her back the $100 cancellation fee for my plane ticket. Would you pay your mom back?
Some background about my aunt is that she's not the most responsible person in the world. I agreed to go on the trip knowing we probably wouldn't be able to stay with her, count on her to pick us up, anything. We would have to get a hotel room and rent a car and I told my mom that. When my mom didn't hear anything from my aunt, she said she just got a bad feeling about the trip and it just didn't sit right with her anymore. She acted like she was surprised we would have to get a hotel room, etc., and spend extra money, which she should have expected all along, I think. I know that's another reason she wanted to cancel the trip. I should add that my mom recently went on vacation to St. John with my father and their friends, and has been to our house in Florida several times lately (we're renovating) and is going back to Florida for another week next month. It makes me upset she has time and money for ALL of these trips, but wasn't willing to make this trip work to visit her sister. I know it meant a lot to my aunt to have us come and visit, even if it wasn't to see her graduate anymore.
In retrospect, I guess I could have just paid for my own ticket and gone by myself still, but that would have put my mom in an awkward situation too. I also think it's sneaky for my mom to call me at work and talk about this. She knows I'm busy at work and didn't want to wait until after dinner or something when she knew I'd have more time to talk? It doesn't smell right to me.
Sorry this turned into a rant. I love my mom and we're not even fighting about this really, but she's pressuring me to pay her back and I don't know how to approach this further with her.
Re: What Would You Do?
That sounds very frustrating! As to the question of whether to pay back the $100 cancellation fee, that's annoying that she's asking you to pay it when it sounds like she didn't clear it with you to cancel them first. If you agreed, even if it's in the moment when you were busy at work, I'd go ahead and pay.
It definitely sounds like there's just so much more going on than the fee, though.
I'm sorry - families can be difficult!
Ugh, that makes it worse, that you didn't agree. I usually am a big pushover about stuff like that, because it's not really about the money, and standing your ground can cause it to become a bigger issue.
Citygirl, that sucks about cancelling the trip. I know you were looking forward to it. Did she really have to cancel? Couldn't you have still come to Cali to enjoy the City?
As for her asking for the $100 cancellation fee, I don't think you should have to pay it. Just talk to her and tell her how you feel.
I hope it works out for you.
Without knowing how good your relationship with your mom is, or if she would hold a grudge...
If you make a point of it by not giving her the cancellation fee, you risk having her bringing it up again in the future (ad nauseum?). She wasn't right to try to get you to make a decision when you were busy at work, and especially not to just go ahead and cancel the tix without having talked it through (and then expect cash from you for, basically, nothing). I'd probably just give her the $100 this time but insist that she allow you to book/cancel your own tickets in the future.
Now I'm thinking of compromising and giving her half ($50.00). She might go for that. And I will definitely be booking my own tickets in the future!
My mom and I are really close but I feel a little bit bullied in this particular situation.